Facebook flog - Jan 20 2013

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Jan 20 2013, 15:58
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

Wow, you guys really liked yesterday's sentence teaser from Affliction! I've written Anita out of the elevator, but we're still fighting zombies in the basement hallway. I'm beginning to remember why I don't play with zombies much. They don't talk, so no witty dialogue. They are single minded so can't be distracted, or tricked. They aren't sexy, at all. In my world you can shoot them to pieces & the pieces keep trying to eat you, only incineration destroys them, & that's hard to do in the basement of a public building full of people. I'm pretty sure the fire marshal would frown on it.

Comments

[dwg.livejournal.com]

They aren't sexy, at all.

WHY BRING THIS UP IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIGHT SEQUENCE.

NO SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

BECAUSE IT IMPLIES THAT THINGS WOULD BE VERY, VERY DIFFERENT IF ANITA WERE GOING UP AGAINST SEXY VILLAINS.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it would be. If she was up against sexy villains, they'd be so distracted and overwhelmed by her natural beauty, enormous boobs, elite fighting skills and manly understanding of man things, they'd quit fighting and beg her to take them to bed so they could share their beautiful angsty villain-pain with her.

Duh.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

But of course.

I also don't understand why, if the author hates writing about zombies for these reasons, that she made the main character's job revolve around zombies. It just seems counter-intuitive.

Though that limits Anita's alternative careers somewhat.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I think this is just further evidence of how far LKH has drifted from her roots as a writer and from the roots of the AB series. Remember when Anita was into zombie rights? Remember when how attractive someone was wasn't the measure of whether they were a worthy person?

Although I'm sure if I read back now, I'd notice that LKH/Anita was always obsessed with people's physical appearances; it just wasn't as in your face as it is now.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's probably more blatant in the villains in that rape is always used as a threat. Or in the case of Laughing Corpse with Anita deliberately provoking a villain so he would try to rape her and thus she can beat him up and escape.

I vaguely remember an interview forever ago where LKH said she loved zombies because they're so terrifying. And they're terrifying for all the reasons she's outlined up there! And yet she sounds so bored by that.

I also want to bring up that Anita can totally raise life-like zombies that don't even remember being dead, and she keeps thinking clients just want to have sex with their dead loved ones. SO HOW DOES THAT WORK, LKH.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Look, she's got a bioligy degree, not a history degree. She can't be expected to keep track of stuff her characters said several books ago.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I HAVE ONE OF THOSE TOO. I CAN FIGHT HER WITH SCIENCE. I'll wear the white coat and protective goggles and everything.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

And you have the advantage of being able to spell!

[dwg.livejournal.com]

It'll be red pens at ten paces and the person who can correctly use a semicolon wins.

[magdalen77.livejournal.com]

As a biology major myself I worry that people will think that all bio majors are as scientifically and literacy challenged as LaLa is. Really, getting a BA or BS in biology is good. It's a great general science degree and, at least with civil service, qualifies you for a variety of positions. Now if you're like LaLa and barely passed you may have problems scoring well enough on the exams to get a job, but that's individual intellect not the degree itself.

[world-dancer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, this pretty much covers it. Because if you're male and straight/bi and see Anita, you must have her. And if you're female, you must hate her on sight for her beauty and her harem.

There are no other possible answers.

There is no such thing as professionalism or not being that into someone despite your orientations matching.

By LKH's logic, I should really be out stalking Brad Pitt since everyone else says he's one of the hottest guys out there, despite my totally not seeing it and actually thinking he's rather ugly.

[christwriter.livejournal.com]

I read this as "Damn. I forgot we can't screw these." FOR F*CK'S SAKE, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WROTE AN ENTIRE SERIES CENTERED ON A ZOMBIE RAISING PROTAGONIST. YOU HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

They are ZOMBIES, Laurel. Relatively mindless creatures. You don't have to "destroy" them, you just have to make it so they can't chase you anymore. And there are lots of ways to accomplish this. Let's have a list, shall we?

-Brain shots. Brain shots. Brain shots.
-Jaw shots. They cannot eat you if the lower half of their mandible is no longer functional
-Kneecaps. Also shins, elbows, upper and lower arms and thigh bones. If the bones do not connect right, you can sit just out of arm's reach and throw popcorn at it.
-Locate window. Locate buddy. Have buddy stand on rafters/gurders just in front of window (bonus points for window washer contraption) Locate zombie horde. Aggro zombie horde. Run towards window. Allow buddy to pull you out of way of window/zombie horde. End zombie horde. Have witty dialogue and/or sex with buddy.
-How about a river and a REALLY BIG burlap sack?
-Lye in the eyes. If they can't see you, how can they find you?

Seriously. Sit down and brainstorm, and stick somebody else in the hallway that Anita can talk to.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

Being licked to death by zombies would just be so embarrassing.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Isn't Anita the world's greatest necromancer? Surely she can just take control of the zombies and deal with them that way.

[christwriter.livejournal.com]

Well, yeah, but that would be cheating and boring. If she wants Resident Evil Movie Alice level carnage, there's going to have to be much shooting.

There was an article on Cracked.com a while back about why a Zombie apocalpyse would never work, and one of the items on it boiled down to "because you can shoot them in the kneecap and they can't chase you anymore." I think most of the others involved modern quarenteen procedures, the military and big explody things.

I'm guessing, based on that blurb posted a couple days back, that these zombies are contageous (maybe not real zombies?) and thus are something Anita can't control.

At least at first. Because if the pattern holds true, Anita will screw somebody and gain the power to control the zombies through sex and she will put them all gently to rest, then collapse in a small shuddering heap so Nathanial and the Top and Bottom of the Book (my guess is Micah and New Character) can all comfort her with their penises.

There will probbaly be no kneecap shots.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

You know, this really reminds me of one of Seanan McGuire's "Velveteen Vs." short stories a couple of weeks ago. Velveteen (Velma) is a superhero who can control toys with her mind (essentially, any inanimate object with a face, but she always chose toys). She and her team were being attacked by giant robots. They were about to be crushed, and then Velveteen suddenly realized that the robots had facial features. So she clapped her hands and got the robots under her control. It was rather awesome and a great example of how to properly deal with a battle scene in which your character could use her/his powers to defeat/control the monsters. And it was exciting, even.

[the-mome-wrath.livejournal.com]

Depending on how many zombies there are, running away is the best option if there's a lot of them. Guns carry only so many bullets, but of course Anita will never run out of ammo! Resorting to improvised weapons is for those who don't spend paragraphs listing weapons they'll never use.

Seriously though, you could have a lot of fun with improvised weapons. Blind the zombies with a fire extinguisher? Some buildings have fire hoses built into the walls. I can see how one of those would be useful for washing the zombies down the hallway and if I remember correctly, a fire hose at full pressure can break limbs as well. You can at least slow the zombies down with that.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Resorting to improvised weapons is for those who don't spend paragraphs listing weapons they'll never use.

I giggle-snorted. Still not over that from Skin Trade, ugh.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

If the bones do not connect right, you can sit just out of arm's reach and throw popcorn at it.

And, in some way, that would be a massive improvement over what Anita is doing now. Just saying>_>

[shadwing.livejournal.com]

*raises hand* DID THIS in a RPG.

My char was a demolishions expert.

They were in a building with a large basement that was sealed off. She set shaped charges on the floor, then her team aggroed the zombies, once team was past. *BOOM* and the zombies just dropped into the basement!

Then I think the resident pyro took over with a flamethrower....

[yaoihuntresse.livejournal.com]

You can lock them in big containers like they did in Return of the Living Dead.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

They don't talk, so no witty dialogue.

So what's her excuse the rest of the time?

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

....Have I been missing the witty banter?

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

So basically she's complaining that her heroine is having to fight something and it's hard for her to win easily? That's what I'm reading here. Wow, it's not like a challenge would be EXCITING for us readers or anything rather than have Anita save the day with ridiculous ease like she has since NiC.

Not even touching the "not sexy" complaint.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Also: Not sexy, eh? Tell that to Tina from Bob's Burgers, LKH! *hopes someone gets this*

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

Unless they sound like your grandparents.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

YES HAHAHAH