Everyone loves a good trainwreck...

[living-in-oz.livejournal.com]

So, I was checking my email today and saw a flyer from Borders.com announcing their latest round of sales and coupons. Of course, Danse Macabre was listed as being 40% off. Here's what they said to advertise the book:


  Icy cool vamp Anita Blake showing a softer side? You don't see that everyday. But at the start of Danse Macabre, Laurell K. Hamilton's latest vampire-hunting thriller, we find our hard-shelled heroine believing herself to be pregnant, unsure about which partly human partner might be the father (the candidate pool has been narrowed to six), and feeling uncharacteristically overwhelmed by life's twists and turns. 




I am glad the candidate list has been narrowed to six -- seven would have been too many for our favorite Mary Sue! were-everything, hella skilled necromancer, sex goddess...who is now apparently a vampire as well. Hm!

Comments

[alorarose.livejournal.com]

haha, I saw that in my e-mail and I literally busted out laughing.

Maybe they have to sell it 40% off because no one will buy it.

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Sadly, early discounts mean it's selling well.

It's ranked 8 in books right now. And I am convinced there's no God.

[alorarose.livejournal.com]

o.O 8?!

::goes to write a crappy book::

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

Nah, you've got it all wrong. First, you need to write an incredibly engaging, original, wonderful book, full of potential and new ideas. (You may follow it up with several books of the same or better ilk, though if you start off REALLY well you can always cop out after your debut. For more information see Rice, Anne and Auel, Jean M.) Then, after your fanbase is established and your imitators rampant, go batshit insane. Become not only a crap writer, but a crap writer in the most entertaining and trainwreck-y way: marry the president of your fanclub, share all kinds of TMI on your online blog, begin public vendettas with your detractors, forget how to discern between homynyms or where to put your commas. (For this to really work well, piss off your copyeditor. And while you're at it, make it clear to your editor they're only there to sign checks.) Continue to act unprofessionally at any available public forum: interviews, coventions, etc.

See? It's actually a lot of work. ;)

[alorarose.livejournal.com]

But...I wanna start flame wars just like Anne Rice!

[living-in-oz.livejournal.com]

Haha. I wish -- and is that a Mecleod's daughters icon?

[alorarose.livejournal.com]

Yes! It is!! That show is my current obsession.

I cannot wait to marathon seasons 4 and 5. ::licks dvds::

[http://users.livejournal.com/belladonna_/]

Ah, yes. Six is a *much* more reasonable number. If I were fucking *seven* guys at a time, I'd probably feel like a ho, but six? Six is totally cool.

[living-in-oz.livejournal.com]

And five would leave us feeling completely unsatisfied. But thankfully Anita is showing us the way to bliss. Hah.

[http://users.livejournal.com/belladonna_/]

Six. Six is the perfect number! Six is the porridge that Goldilocks fucked. Seriously!

[dwg.livejournal.com]

AHH HA HA HA!!!

Even the vendors are saying that Anita's gone uncharacteristic!!!

Man, that's priceless.

[stritchy.livejournal.com]

It's like the time I went into Hollywood Video a couple of years ago and they had summaries of all the new DVDs coming out, and the one for Gigli said something like "Well, you might as well see what's so bad about it yourself, right?"

That's the approach that seems to be working with this book, anyway.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

*dies*

Coolest promotional line ever.

That's how I try to explain the badness of Dracula 3000 to people. They need to see it for themselves to really believe it.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

normally i'd protest that "vamp," in this sense, is not technically short for "vampire" but used to mean a woman who uses seduction and sexuality to get her way...but knowing lkh, you're right, too.

oh how i pine for the days when those books actually were vampire-hunting thrillers.

[rinkori.livejournal.com]

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vamp

The day Anita actually becomes a vampire is the day I lose the very last tiny shred of hope I hold for the series.

[living-in-oz.livejournal.com]

Lol. Yes, I know -- but the possiblity of it meaning the other kind of vamp amused me. Sadly, LKH may consider turning Anita into a vampire one day, judging by the way the series is going..

[foxfire74.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'll be surprised if Anita ever becomes an actual vampire or were. Because that comes with, y'know, DISadvantages, and we can't have that happening. Anita only gets nifty kewlie neato-keen powers and no drawbacks whatsoever.