lkh_lashouts | Narcissus in Chains memorable quotes (Reply)

Since NiC is one of the three LKH books I actually own and this is a boring Saturday, I've decided to share with you guys the most WTF? quotes of the entire book. LKH in itlics, me normal.

After Anita's orgy with JC, Asher, Nathaniel, and Jason:

"Are you saying that what we just did qualifies as sex?

Are you saying it does not?

Blah, blah, "description" of "action."

"So you're saying that we had sex---all of us? (NiC pg. 239)

Yes he is, Anita honey. If you were on bed naked with four guys and all of you all had multiple (including the men) screaming orgasms , then you had sex.

Skip, skip, skip. Really, you can skip Anita's long-ass descriptions of the bathroom floor, faucet, curtains, door, and how she's all cunfused about the arduer. Ardeur?

After the 1,2, 3, 4, . . . 6 pages about Anita's Issues, we get to hear Anita mentally blush over Micah's wang again. Thankfully, JC tries to instill into Anita the fact that Micah ain't that speshful. Sadly, he does it by breaking the part of my brain that deals with logic.

"I've got to ask, how big was he?"

Jean-Claude spaced his hands apart liked you'd measure a fish. (Anybody undestand that reference anyway? I've never in my life measured a fish. Is she trying to make some sort of point I'm not getting? Or is it more of LKH's mysteryous wayz with analogies, and "similies." "Like this big." (Is that really how JC talks? Shouldn't he have said somelike "He was approximately this size." Does she have to make the 200 (400?) year old vampire sound like a first grader?).

Blah, Blah, Blah. More JC talking like he's just graduating first grade. Then, the real gem:

"Oh, please. You're saying he that was what, about six inches wide and over a foot long? No way." (NiC 250) (Apparently Anita hasn't graduated first grade either so I'll have to put in some words she forgot in her sentences. Unless this is some sort of slang I don't know about).

I must agree with Anita. HOW could a man possibly be that large? Was the rest of his body proportional to his penis? Because if it wasn't, he certainly had some trouble walking. LKH, since you appear to have a size fetish, the idea of a man with a penis so large that he probably needs a wheelchair is probably HAWT for you, but I do not need to imagine something like that.

But wait, THERE'S MORE:

"You said Arturo was one of Belle's favorites. Does that mean that she . . . "

"Had sex with him, oui." (NiC 250)

Err, WHAT? Not only do we have the man with the handicap-causing penis, but know we have the woman with the Great Vagina? LKH, since you seem to have a fetish for . . . spacious vaginas, you probably find a woman with a cave for a reproductive organ HAWT, but that's not an image that I need to think of. Now, let me remind you guys that dear Arturo has foot long, six-inches wide wang and that Belle is constantly describe as petite (LKH needs a godammed thesaurus), so are we supposed to assume that Belle has a vagina that stretches? You know, like, Mr. Fantastic?

Why am I suddenly afraid that LKH is going to fnd the post-it that had Arturo's "information" in it and she'll bring him over to St. Louis jsut in time for Anita to develop a Mr. Fantastic vagina of her own?

Well, something is wrong with my cut . . .