Blogflog!

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Granted, It's not really much of a blog, but i couldn't let this pass without some mockery.  
URL: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2007/06/harlequin-excused-absence-note.html

In the most absurd move since having Asher make that totally OOC "sweet ass" comment, LKH and Co. have given us all a free pass.    I really hope that they were aiming to be "cute" or something, because the alternative is that they believe people are going to gleefully print this out and hand it to their employer.    And my money is on the latter, since in the final note at the end of the blog, Darla asks us to let them know if the pass was actually accepted.  

I'm tempted to make my own LKH excuse notes, along the lines of:  Please excuse The Shark from using her brain today.  The Harlequin came out on June 5th, and she needs at least a week to allow her little grey cells to recouperate.  Or....Please excuse Laurell from using commas today; her soul hath wander'd in the blackest, darkest, and moste ebony caresses, and nary a comma can she see.   

Oh, and another thing, how hard is it to create a link?  In the blog itself, you had to copy and paste that link to your browser in order to see the completely ridiculous Microsoft Word generated image.   If this is the crack team of experts that are responsible for manning the ship, it's no wonder most of us have mutinied. 

Comments

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

I...I...I...

God but I really, really hope that's a joke. I really do. Otherwise it means her arrogance has reached an even higher level. If she keeps this up, she'll make Terry Goodkind look humble! And that's no small feat!

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

What's the term? Ha Ha Only Serious? When it's done like a joke but you get the sense that they really mean it?

OMG. *vomits* That's just . . . oh, fucking hell. Do they really think that book is worth taking the day off from work for? I haven't even read it and I know it's going to be crap. I'm looking forward to reading it for the comedy value.

But the sheer and absolute arrogance of that 'permission slip' is just galling. Actually, you know what? It didn't piss me off until the line "Possibly more than once." Before then, it was kinda sorta cute. Then it was just . . . oh, bitch, please.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Your icon is the coolest (and the most subtle) way of working Eddie Izzard into my day that I've ever seen. ^____^

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

...The hell?

I mean, I could see JK Rowling getting away with that as a promotional joke, but LKH? No way.

I suppose it could be worse. It could say something like, "The Harlotquin debuted June 5th and they needed time to read it. To absorb it. To roll its sticky sweetness around on their tongue and absorb it into their soul like the arduer ardeur sweet inner fire I felt while writing it."

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I haven't read the blog, just seen the pass via the OP's link. But I think it is meant to be cutesy. Problem is, you're right, J.K.Rowling can do something like this 1) she's big enough (see her books as movies) 2) she started off writing for children 3) her books have that sort of whimsy built into them.

Stephen King? No whimsy, even if some of his fans would likely take a day off and just devour one of his new books.

In LKH's case, I wonder if she realizes that for some, that pass signifies that they took the day off to wank to bad porn?

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

You forgot to "spill." *snicker*

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

*slaps forehead* How could I have forgotten to "spill"? I think because I was trying to block out, as mentioned above, the likelihood that people were staying at home with this book to wank off, the idea of which makes me quite, quite ill.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

way back when i first started doing the danse macabre snarks, i kept a running tally of how many times she used the word 'spill' in the book...i NEED to find that now!!!

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

Yes, you do! I was amazed at the number of times she repeated the same phrase or entire sentence in like one paragraph. And if I never hear the phrase "he brought me screaming", I will live just as long and die just as happy. What's wrong with "I came so hard that I passed out?"

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

that whole "brought me" euphemism always just irked me...it sounds so ridiculous! really? brought me where? to the market? to the throes of ecstasy? *eyeroll* it's such a lame, weak expression. I'm with you on that, give me "i came so hard that i passed out" any day

[pandaemonaeum.livejournal.com]

When you consider the generally graphic descriptions of various things in the books, the use of euphemisms like 'he brought me screaming' is just stupid. Like you, I always think 'Brought her what?'. You would think she could come up with something better.

Someone should get LKH some literary porn, Anais Nin or something, because if she really must write porn, she should at least write it well.

[tooimpurenangel.livejournal.com]

"He brought me donuts. They were delicious!" That's what I substituted. I like to think I am all the saner for it.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

JKR could get away with something like this because her book releases ARE an event. Harry Potter is known outside the literary world. He's popular culture, so is his author. If JKR did a note like this I think she'd do it tongue-in-cheek, poking fun at herself or her characters.

Anita Blake? Not so much popular culture. Outside of people who keep track of authors on bestseller lists who would know about LKH?

I agree it's cute in a way. If she'd written it a little different maybe it wouldn't come off as arrogant and presumptuous. In fact, I think she should have written it with Jean-Claude's diplomacy and tucked in some innuendo. Then put his signature on it.

[everstar3.livejournal.com]

See, if it had been a little note from Jean-Claude all, "I hope you enjoy ma petite's fifteenth venture into the world of writing, blah blah vampiric seductiveness cakes", that would've been cute and people could've cut it out and glued it into the book or whatever. But this is just lame.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

you know, that's an excellent point. *That* would have been cute, or something to that effect. I realize that they were probably just trying to be whimsical or whatever, but it just came off very self-important, and as though she's believing her own hype.

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

but it just came off very self-important, and as though she's believing her own hype.

You know why that is, don't you? *nods knowingly* ;)

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

lol, yes indeed. It came off that way because it *is* that way~

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Totally. They have been talking about the impact of the end of the Harry Potter series in the book market this last week. If AB was over... well, who cares? It's certainly not going to affect the book market for their publisher.

But I digress. I agree, she came off as arrogant. Very arrogant. And I had almost decided to buy the Harlequin. Then I come here and I loose my will... again. Thank the godesses.

[ainjul.livejournal.com]

I took the day off to read the last dark tower book.... this isn't even a blip on my radar. I'm only excited it out because of the flogging I get to look forward to reading here *L*

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

i've been meaning to read the dark tower series forever, and i still haven't started yet.. *hides in shame* this was a good reminder!

[relmneiko.livejournal.com]

Every time I see Pyramid Head I'm reminded of the 'rape o' clock' image. Damn you. :P

[ainjul.livejournal.com]

*LOL* heehee! I seriously love your icon too. Paradise Kiss?

[relmneiko.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's George. I've seen one of Miwako waving her tush floating around, too. :D

Howdy, folks!

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

I got here by way of a friend. I friended without seeing a single post, because I needed to rant about Her Unholy Crotchness. Plus, I defected from Teh Evil Board before it morphed into the new one. Like, three years ago or something.

I miss those stupid little smilies...

Laughed my ass off at that link. I told my boss that I was taking the 20th and 23rd of July off. When she asked why, I said, "Cause the last Harry Potter book is coming out, and I'm standing in line Friday night, then I need Monday to decompress." I got my days off.

I might have asked to take off today if I were going to read that piece of crap, but I don't think my head could take it. I broke down and bought Danse Macabre, and I'm almost done with it...and may I just state how much better fanfic is? And how fanfic porn will make me drool, while Anita-ho sex makes me wanna cross my legs for eternity?

And I know this has been asked ad nauseum, but can someone PLZ tell me why it takes Anita-ho 5 pages to go from naked to sex? Why does there have to be a dissertation from her and assorted humps of the day before the sex takes place?

By the way...anyone seen the rest of the pard? Zane, Cherry...anyone? Did they die and I missed it?

Re: Howdy, folks!

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

VL!!!! (Its dracolicious from the old board, if u don't remember~) I'm so glad you joined over here!! She's off her rocker totally...I remember whe hp book 6 came out and I told my boss I had a harry hangover from reading all night. The fact that lkh thinks she's in the same category is so damn funny

Re: Howdy, folks!

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

I KNEW I knew that name!!!!!

*tackles you and hugs the crap out of you*

KTG actually posted a link last week, and I HAD to come. It's been two years since I've gotten to wank on Anita. But ain't that funny? And you know the troos are all a-twitter about it. Most likely cutting class than asking for a day off. lol

Re: Howdy, folks!

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

*tackles and hugsss* I've missed ya! And I'm a brat for not commenting at the time, but i followed a link in your lj, and thanks to you, i've been reading some really great QAF fic courtesy of qaffangyrl :)

The troos must be in *rare* form over all this, lol. I wish I could be a fly on the wall when one of them tries to use that excuse note at work, i'd absolutely die laughing. I'd get a big red rubber stamp that said "LOSER" and mark the note accordingly =)

Re: Howdy, folks!

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

Quite alright, and if you want so,e really good recs, let me know. Or just go through my memories, I have quite a few saved.

And I need to re-friend you, I think. You had the strikethrough, and I was all WTF???

Anyway, so glad to catch you here. There ain't no way I'm touching this new book, not even with Edward in it. I think Edward should blow her skanky ass away.

Re: Howdy, folks!

[zombiexbunny.livejournal.com]

I've been wondering about them. No mention of them or Vivian...or any other wereleopard that might have been briefly mentioned. (were there any others mentioned?)

I'm sure she will chock that up to "another dropped ball...sorry folks!" in her next podcast.

And there has to be dissertation and 5 pages of wangst because otherwise, the book would only be about 10 pages long :|

Re: Howdy, folks!

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

I might be imagining this. Maybe someone can tell me if I'm wrong...

didn't Jason have warm, fuzzy feelings about Cherry at some point? Wasn't he watching her sleeping with a fond or longing expression or something?

I recall Anita noticing and of course dismissing it as unimportant. Then not following up on it with a question since he wasn't admiring her. I thought it was Jason and Cherry. But maybe it was Zane and Cherry? Or Jason and somebody else. :s

Re: Howdy, folks!

[zombiexbunny.livejournal.com]

No, Jason did that in Blue Moon (just read that again). But I seem to recall Zane and Cherry being an item as well as Vivian and Gregory I think? Or Stephen.

Re: Howdy, folks!

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for clearing that up for me! :) I actually wished that went somewhere - Jason/Cherry.

I remembered Zane having someone, but I forgot it was Cherry. Doh.

Viv, Gregory and Stephen I can barely remember. It's been so long since they've been around in a book.

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

Urgh. They devoted a whole post to that?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Oh, Photoshop, you're my hero:



I'm just glad that there's an OTHER section so I can fill in, "life" or "existence" because dude, if I actually took this note to someone, I would be disowned from this dimension so damned fast (and probably with the help of a punch to the face).

Course, now we need to set up an Abused Punctuation Shelter, where all those poor commas can have some hope for the future.

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

FTW!

*gives you the internets*

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

*diezandizded* please to be picking up your internets at your earliest conveinience :)

[pandaemonaeum.livejournal.com]

LOL!

One correction though, it's 'vicinity' I think? Anyway, it's hilarious!

[dwg.livejournal.com]

...well played.

Oh well, at least I'm keeping my 98% accuracy up.

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

...anyone better at handwriting analysis than I am care to take a stab at her signature? If I remember correctly, those loopy "L"s are a sure sign of an inflated ego.

[ainjul.livejournal.com]

actually, I'm kind of surprised at how restrained that signature is. I expected alot more loops and possibly fangs. @.@ maybe a super-peen shaped "L" or something.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

her signature indicates that she's hot-tempered, untrusting, direct, opinionated, and doesn't take criticism well...from what i remember from a handwriting analysis class. Her handwriting is almost completely vertical, and her lower-case m's and t's lack flourish. there's a loop in the t, and not in the o. I could be royally screwing this up though, since it's been forever since i took that class!

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

'Kay, have been reading up. Source is Hand Writing Analysis: A Complete and Basic Book by Karen Amend and Mary S. Ruiz. Am basically forming theories as I read, so this is very amateur. Bear in mind that it's difficult to get a truly accurate portrait, because her signature has no lower zone at all (lowercase Ps, Ys, Gs etc).

Laurell applies extremely heavy pressure, which is a sign of an artistic personality and high libido, but her vertical baseline indicates rigidity, inhibition, and fear of losing control. Her inflated upper loops are a sign of overcompensation for inferiority, and a need for constant reassurance, leading to exaggeration and boastfulness to compensate for her secretly low self-image. The signature is more or less even, and the lack of slope indicates self-control. There appears to be a "sham garland" (heavy and retraced) in the A and U, which indicates a socially repressed personality, someone who cannot express aggression in public and prefers to put on a cheerful front even with enemies. In general garland formation writers are passive and maternal.

Her handwriting is exaggeratedly round, which can be indicative of immaturity and possessiveness. The loopiness can be a sign of excessive emotional need (e.g.) and repressed feelings. The looped T again indicates an artistic personality and a need for emotional support from those around her. The blotched dot over the I indicates materialism. The K indicates ambition. Interestingly, there are careless jerks in the signature (notice the way the N lifts up), indicating a possible influence of illness or drugs.

In A Nutshell: The signature indicates immaturity, an inflated ego, inhibition, dependence on inner fantasy, and general dishonesty.

If I am in any way inaccurate or misinformed, please do not hesitate to correct me...it's hard to do this going strictly off a book in one's lap.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

You know what? For a different author I would probably find it pretty cute and funny. If Terry Pratchett busted out with something like this, for example -- because he has a long history of being personable, self-effacing, and very very pro-fan. So the joke would be far more obvious. It would BE a joke, him having a bit of fun at his own expense. There would not be this underlying fear of -- "wait... is he serious?"

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I think she's serious. Not about anyone accepting a pass like that, but about her true believers feeling the need for one? I can easily imagine that she thinks most of her readers don't want to put a new AB down once they've started reading.

How the hell do you even read an AB book in one day? They're a thousand pages each of endless, pointless discussions and endless, pointless sex scenes! How do you read that all in one go without losing your mind?

[nimnix.livejournal.com]

Simple answer: You don't.

You skim the first two pages and toss the rest into a fire. Done. Slogging through those two pages will take the entire day, what with the constant brainbleach and eyeball scrubbing.

[pith]

It was on the front page of the fanclub newsletter too, and I was going to snark it, so I'm glad someone got to it first.

Am half-tempted to put something mean like "sanity" by Other and send it to LKH instead.

[shiagurl.livejournal.com]

Your snark cracks me up. :D

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

My History teacher hates fiction in its' every shape and form. I'd love to see what he'd make of this.

[pith]

Completely OT: I love your icon. I need one! *L*