Bad Sex Award

[dan-lian.livejournal.com]

I would like to propose we nominate Ms Hamilton for the Bad Sex in Writing award by the Literary Review magazine.

Take a look at this years' winner.

I don't think there is really a way to nominate, but I'd love to find a way.

Comments

[dan-lian.livejournal.com]

Pah, rain on my parade. :)

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

It's shit mellowing in a pool of rain maker goo.

My first thought was, "Oh, Christ. I bet LKH is going to channel Flo and use coprophilia in the next book."

To be perfectly honest, I'm pretty surprised that I haven't heard about Micah's golden showers yet.

[rfienneslover.livejournal.com]

It would be golden torrential downpours in Micah's case. *GAG*

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I suspect that something like Golden Showers is too hard core for LKH.

[belledewinter.livejournal.com]

Bad sex in an otherwise good novel. I guess that rules her out. ^^U

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

But did you read the excerpt from Mailer's book? Oh, that was FOUL!!!!!

Still, with all the effing spilling and rainmaking, LKH still wins the gross-out award. Hell, I've read better sex in fanfic.

I've WRITTEN better sex in fanfic!

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

?

?????

"Rainmaking"?????????

No, no -- it's better you don't tell me. *fear*

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Oh my god, I clicked the link I clicked the link!! Whaffor didum do it!?? Whaffor!???

"He drove his hound into her piety"????

I want that on a T-shirt. There is no way that could even be censored properly.

[estllechauvelin.livejournal.com]

All the "hound" stuff had me imagining some kind of horrible Fahrenheit 451 fic. I really don't know why that's where my brain decided to go with that, but there you are.

[pandaemonaeum.livejournal.com]

I actually went to the magazine website, and howled with laughter at the nominated passages.

They were still better than LKH, though :/

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

They were still better than LKH, though :/

Is that not a terrifying thought? *squicked out*

[mulder200.livejournal.com]

His mouth lathered with her sap, he turned around and embraced her face with all the passion of his own lips and face, ready at last to grind into her with the Hound, drive it into her piety.

Wow! With a shitty description like that, I can see why.

I mean, really.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Her PIETY.

That's... new.

That one will stay with me for a while.

Re: I mean, really.

[shiagurl.livejournal.com]

I think "the Hound" will stay with me for much longer. I like how it's capitalized.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I need to learn to check lkh_lashouts before posting. XD. I just posted that, then saw that whoops! You'd already done it!

Looks like we both had the same idea. XD.

My question is, what passage would you choose from which novel if you were to nominate her for Bad Sex in a Bad Novel?

Anything from Danse Macabre springs to mind. *shudders*

[brandiweed.livejournal.com]

Here are all the finalists' passages. (http://books.guardian.co.uk/news/articles/0,,2217735,00.html)

I can't believe Mailer beat out Christopher Rush.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

My goodness. That is horrible stuff! I mean..just WOW. Maybe we've been too hard on LKH, at least she's never used 'pulpy furred wetness'. She's come close to using that but this isn't horseshoes or handgrenades.

[othellia.livejournal.com]

Dude. I am going to be quoting "O glorious pubes!" for a long time. Well... they say your first sentence should hook your audience.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I'm loving "the quick of the wound." What an image.

[cryice.livejournal.com]

Dear God that was quite awful!

[bludflower.livejournal.com]

'Yes. I used up three silicon-lined vaginas.' ...

Meh-heh...*twitching*

This kind of dookey is published... yet I'm NOT.

*shoots self in the face*

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Richard Milford, man. If someone ever described my nethers as "a tropical fish or a bit of old carpet" I would be VERY OFFENDED. Just, FYI. (Man, between that and Shteyngart's "powerful ethnic muscle" -- the fuck?! -- I feel pretty bad as a woman in general.) Not as miserable and physical-pain inducing as LKH's soap scene, but not as good as the Asher/Anita near-death scene. (I am withholding judgment and emotion as to why Shteyngart is describing a black woman like some kind of goddamn jungle bunny, because I utterly lack the larger context.)

"Tropical fish" is, however, rather imaginative. "Bit of old carpet," not so much. The fish I can't quite picture. Not trying that hard, I must admit.

Normal Mailer -- "Uncle was now as soft as " Wow. Yes, that's insanely sexy.

David Thewlis's isn't as bad as all that, considering he's TRYING to describe a terrible and humiliating experience.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

*snerk* Oh my, that's terrible!

Though honestly, I've read worse than LKH's sex descriptions. I think Mary Janice Davidson takes the cake with me when during one otherwise ok sex scene she came up with the off-the-wall description of: "It was like fucking an electric blanket."