Mini-blog flog! Shift light?!

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

So, this little part bugged me so much I had to say something! 

LKH in italics, me in plain font

BTW this is my first blog flog, and I'm not particularly funny......

Link to LKH Blog

I could hear the engine when it needed to shift.
Congratulations.  Your point?

 There is no shift light on this car, but I didn't need it.
Now I get it.  Shift light?  Seriously woman, you bought a fancy sports car and you need a shift light?   That car is wasted on you!

I could hear it, feel it, in the engine, from the pedals, to my hand, up my spine. You can just feel when it needs to shift.
Please, oh please do not have Anita getting it on in a Mustang in the next book.  I love those cars and I can't take it if Anita humps the gear shift.  This woman can ruin anything!  Besides, I've never been in a manual transmission car where I couldn't feel when it needed to shift.  Hell, I can feel when my automatic needs to shift.

The one thing I can't "feel" yet, is how quick to let up on the clutch and how much gas to give when going from stop to go again. I don't "feel" that yet. Jon says, I'll get there. I will, but it is the one thing I can't understand with my body. This car is the first car I've ever owned that talks to my body, my skin, my hands . . . When I described it as having a heartbeat I wasn't really joking. Maybe all the muscle cars, or at least all the Mustangs are like that, but all I know is that it feels amazing.
You understand the car with your body?  It talks to your skin?  I don't think anyone else could have come up with that poorly used metaphor.  Just you, 'cause you're so speshul!  For the safety of others, please use you head when driving.  Please?  Oh, and cars don't have heartbeats (they're not alive).

Comments

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

. . . is it just me, or does that sound like car porn?

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

That's what it sounded like to me. But then, I don't have a deep meaningful relationship with my car.

[stefflebug.livejournal.com]

All we've got to do is hope that she doesn't have Transformers porn in her next book.

And now I've broken my brain.

[estllechauvelin.livejournal.com]

Anybody remember the SNL commercial for a car called the Mistress? I think she's talking about something like that for women.

[christraven.livejournal.com]

The term 'cam shaft' just took on a whole new meaning. :(

[contrariwise.livejournal.com]

Um... cars have lights to tell you when to shift now? Pffft. May as well get an automatic. *learned to drive on a '67 Karmann-Ghia*

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

I've never been in one with a shift light, but I hear they're out there :D

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

An ex-bf of mine had a Ford Escort with one. He said the thing was useless. I always either go roughly by speed or listen to the engine.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

Oh Jesus wept.

This is why I drive automatics. Get in and go.

Oh, and I might perv over the ultimate car stereo system, or, like a Testerosa, but...yeah. I might shiver from the hotness of the car, but she scares me.

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

I hope Barricade rips apart her car. (see: Transformers 2007 movie)

Seriously. If she puts any form of car!sex in her books I will fucking lose it.

I will burn every book I find that has that in there.

I refuse to allow her to disgrace my favourite car/character of the movie. >:(

[ctrl-issue.livejournal.com]

Dude, Barricade was a seriously hott car, but if you want it pwned, it'd have to be the SUV, Ironhide, as he was more than willing to exterminate the annoying humans, even though he was an autobot.

And you -know- Anita and/or Merry are going to be getting new cars in the near future. you just know it. Personally, it sounds like your typical "masculine" mid-life crisis to me.

[drho.livejournal.com]

tl;dr the blog, so thanks for reading it for me and reporting the snarkable parts. Once again, the special snowflake is trying to be deepity deep, but just stinks of trying too much.

ETA: Someone please cut her subscription to BBC America, lest the Vicar of Dibley or the Torchwood cast or the Doctor end up as characters in her poor excuse for smut. (Please think of the pterodactyls!).

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

No problem...I thought the whole thing was too painful to report.

[wyrdmuse.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've ever felt so dirty after reading such a small portion of her blog. D:

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

Sorry but I've got to ask: what is that word that News flashes to in your icon? It's too fast for me to catch.

Re: Disclaimer: I know not everyone can drive stick.

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

Hey, don't give her ideas or we'll get a blog about all the darkity darkness of her walking along the street.

[mystickiwi.livejournal.com]

I thought that little dialy thing told you to shift.

i dont know. i drive an automatic. and don't have a pornographic relationship with my vehicle.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Car porn. CAR PORN, for the love of God.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

Um, most cars will "tell" you when you need to shift. D: Kind of like this: SHIFT OR DESTROY ME VROOM VROOM NOW HUMAN. Too many RPMs in a too-low gear is icky sounding, no matter what car you're in.

I can understand being delighted with a powerful car (I have moments of SQUEE when mine really starts purring), but eeeek.

I'm kind of surprised she didn't go with one of the more phallic-looking sports cars. I could totally see her in a restored 280ZX -- it'd totally fit with her motif of being stuck in the 80's, too.

[denouement16.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that myself....I do have one friend that test drove a Toyota something or other that was so quiet you couldn't hear when to shift. Maybe it had a shift light.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

She is! But that doesn't surprise me, with her commercially-marketed novels.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

She makes me worried about the rest of the world sometimes.

[karmyn75.livejournal.com]

My uncle attempted to teach me to drive in an old Ford LTD. It had a shift light, but I was never coordinated enough to have one hand on the wheel, one on the gear, one foot on the gas, and one on the clutch.
My sister later let me drive her car and laughed at me when I asked where the clutch was.
My sisters are much better at driving a standard then I could ever attempt. I just don't have enough hands and feet to do it.

[mystickiwi.livejournal.com]

I broke the car when i tried to learn how to drive standard

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I don't even drive, but I know what an engine sounds like when it needs to shift. Then again, my family have only ever owned manuals and I get snooty around automatics.

Yes iddums, you take your foot off the accelerator and you put it on the clutch and then you shift the gear and then you put your foot back on the accelerator and OH WOW THE CAR IT THEN GOES.

Next, LKH will bring us FIYAH and help us leave the dismal caves we've been living in all these years.

[stefflebug.livejournal.com]

If she brings us fire it'll probably be in the form of elemental porn for Merry. I only hope that if Merry does end up with a fire elemental she shaves because otherwise that's going to smell o_0

[world-of-eos.livejournal.com]

Ah, I can't blame her to much for the car porn. I used to get a cheap thrill when I hit the gas and Moby Dick started to growl, and he was just a Camry XL. I'd probably be halfway to an orgasm if I got to drive a Foose, too.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Autoerotica... please no. I must admit, I get a heady we-are-as-one-machine thrill when I zoom around in a good car. And I do pop out with a bit of an afterglow. But, uh, I've never expressed it in.... uhhh, such absurdly sexual terms.

She sounds like this guy I read about in "Strange Sex," who developed an unhealthy sexual obsession with his car. I think she's trying to be sensual and DEEEEEEEEP, but no matter how thrilling a car is or how you feel, it's weird to hear about feeling it up your spine, and talking to your skin and body, and ewk ewk ewk "all the muscle cars."

I'm just shocked she isn't rhapsodizing about the long, thick, smooth, perfect tailpipe, so shiny, so erect, so alluring. Bleeeeeccccchhhh.... please, God, don't let there be a car in Whorenita's future.

[kerame.livejournal.com]

Of course there will.

And Anita will be stroking the stick suggestively, just the way she plays with Nathaniel's braid, thinking that it makes her sound like a freak in a good way.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

This brought to mind "I'm In Love With My Car" by Queen, thereby tainting a wonderful song with Eau de Whorenita.

[sandit.livejournal.com]

I learned to drive on an automatic, but my first car of my own was a stick.

They have a cure for those shift lights. It's called a screwdriver. You can pop the dash plastic up a bit, then jam the screwdriver where the light was real hard, and all of a sudden, it's dead.

The correct instrument to watch for when to shift (if you need one) is the RPM gauge, but fer chrissakes, anyone who drives a shift learns to feel it. This is only an accomplishment along the lines of learning to budget or plan a vacation itinerary for yourself.

It's sad that LKH is so sheltered she thinks every mundanity of her every day life is worth bragging about.

[sharkcowsheep.livejournal.com]

I -write- car porn. This is not car porn. This is cheesy lamecakes with warm Tryin' Too Hard on the side.