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Jan. 9th, 2008 05:00 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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lkh_lashoutsWell, as LKH so ecstatically told us, the latest part of GP is out. I honestly do not know if these count as spoilers, since the book has been out forevah, but just in case, I will give it a nice snippy.
Cover: Whorenita in a strappy red dress with boobs out at attention, and that stupid arm-across-the-stomach move. Hair is over face, whose expression is So Very Menacing We Should All Be Scared. Yeeeaaahhhh. Thankfully they got the list of characters correct this time. I think. Willie looks a little weird.
Well, Whorenita and Phillip snog, of course -- when did she ever pass up an opportunity to be forced into something like this? -- but Whorenita shows she's a Good Girl by shoving her butt WAAAAYYY behind her. Phillip nips her neck, and she gets all huffy and angry. Edward is MIA, incidentally.
While she's off sulking in the woods, she bumps into someone raising a zombie. It's that blonde dude Zachary, and Theresa in full dominatrix gear, looking like an evil queen from an old 1950s sci-fi movie, but with more belly showing. Oooh, I'm scared. Anita is showing her worry by rolling her eyes and crossing her arms like some sort of constipated heifer.
To demonstrate that Theresa is supposed to be Eeeeevvvilll, she yells, "Damn you, mortal! Damn you to hell!" while the Apocalyptowhore smirks. Apparently for someone this smug, that's a big triumph. They must have cut the part where Theresa explains her evil plan, and then says "I would've gotten away with it if those darned kids hadn't interfered."
Anita offers to share her power with Zachary, who looks like he's lost about twenty pounds. Judging from Whorenita's dreamy-eyed smile, she's thinking about sharing a helluva lot more than Teh Powerz! ("Never with a stranger" she thinks -- not without a condom!)
When Theresa tells her she's nuts, Whorenita shows that she is the Ultimate Badass by snapping "Someone may kill me before all this is over, but it won't be you!" in her face. Oh, so hardcore. Theresa, inexplicably, seems spooked by this -- you'd think that someone who deals with Nikolaos would be paralyzed with laughter. Maybe THAT'S why Whorenita is able to kill so many vampires.
Cue a few pages of How To Raise A Zombie, Sexy Style. Obviously LKH thought this was megahot, having Zachary and Whorenita verrrrrrryyy slooowwwllly smearing blood on each other's chests and herbs on faces. I'm surprised Whorenita didn't offer to lick it all off.
Page 19 demonstrates that Anita is apparently smuggling a pair of smoked hams inside her pantyhose. That's the only explanation I can think of for why her hips are wider than Zachary's shoulders.
After what seems like dozens of pages of tedious zombie-raising, our SuperMegaSpeshul Blockhead realizes that whoops, Zachary is undead, and he's the one killing the vampires. Would have been nice if the dumbass had realized that BEFORE she did her touchy-feely necromancer stuff with him, but as we've seen, Anita's head is full of dead leaves.
Witty dialogue: "Can you kill the dead?" "I do it all the time." Cue the music to show what a dramatic moment this is.
Note: the vampires have mysteriously vanished from the scene. Anita feeds the zombie and throws another hissy fit, at which point the vampires magically appear again. While they're torturing the Zombie, Anita leaps away on her freakishly thick legs. Not runs, note -- LEAPS, like a leaping thing what leaps.... sorry, had to say it. But maybe that horizontal leaping is why she immediately trips and falls flat on her face (which, of course, is rendered to make her look Sexily Rumpled, rather than Really Stupid).
Lo and behold, it's Nikolaos and her five-foot-long serpentine hair, and Willie with his opaque cigarette smoke. Apparently unaware of how absurd she looks, Whorenita does her best Villain Laugh, which is identical to Nikolaos': "Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!" Yes, with more commas. Even laughter has too many commas. It also demonstrates that Anita, being the Ultimate Tough Badass (more like Ultimate Bigass), is not afraid of anybody.
Anita also notes that "the closer she came, the less perfect [Nikolaos] looks." Well DUH, dumbass -- no blonde can be as beautiful as Ma Petite Fissure de Ruine. Anyway, Nikolaos hunches over, and her hair and the dead leaves start swirling, and Willie looks very worried -- maybe because it looks like she's getting ready to fart Anita into submission.
Anita starts getting all touchy-feely about the zombie she raised, and Nikolaos tries to blackmail her into letting her drink Whorenita's blood. Anita's witty reply: "You bitch." But she allows Nikolaos to lick the blood off Philip's bite.
"I had not known that any vampire could do telepathy. Of course, before last night I hadn't thought they could fly either." Wow, I'd rush to hire this expert vampire hunter -- she doesn't know half of what they can do. One of them, judging from page 29, is the ability to tie someone up with your hair.
But then Whorenita pisses her off by revealing that whoopsie, her mind tricks aren't working, and Anita can see the scar on her face. Then Phillip comes lurching out of the underbrush. I think that expression is supposed to convey worry and distress, but it looks more like an epileptic seizure.
And there it ends for this chapter. Blah, said Toad. I'm looking forward to the next one, if nothing else to see if the next artist will have the same absurd expressions as the last one.
Cover: Whorenita in a strappy red dress with boobs out at attention, and that stupid arm-across-the-stomach move. Hair is over face, whose expression is So Very Menacing We Should All Be Scared. Yeeeaaahhhh. Thankfully they got the list of characters correct this time. I think. Willie looks a little weird.
Well, Whorenita and Phillip snog, of course -- when did she ever pass up an opportunity to be forced into something like this? -- but Whorenita shows she's a Good Girl by shoving her butt WAAAAYYY behind her. Phillip nips her neck, and she gets all huffy and angry. Edward is MIA, incidentally.
While she's off sulking in the woods, she bumps into someone raising a zombie. It's that blonde dude Zachary, and Theresa in full dominatrix gear, looking like an evil queen from an old 1950s sci-fi movie, but with more belly showing. Oooh, I'm scared. Anita is showing her worry by rolling her eyes and crossing her arms like some sort of constipated heifer.
To demonstrate that Theresa is supposed to be Eeeeevvvilll, she yells, "Damn you, mortal! Damn you to hell!" while the Apocalyptowhore smirks. Apparently for someone this smug, that's a big triumph. They must have cut the part where Theresa explains her evil plan, and then says "I would've gotten away with it if those darned kids hadn't interfered."
Anita offers to share her power with Zachary, who looks like he's lost about twenty pounds. Judging from Whorenita's dreamy-eyed smile, she's thinking about sharing a helluva lot more than Teh Powerz! ("Never with a stranger" she thinks -- not without a condom!)
When Theresa tells her she's nuts, Whorenita shows that she is the Ultimate Badass by snapping "Someone may kill me before all this is over, but it won't be you!" in her face. Oh, so hardcore. Theresa, inexplicably, seems spooked by this -- you'd think that someone who deals with Nikolaos would be paralyzed with laughter. Maybe THAT'S why Whorenita is able to kill so many vampires.
Cue a few pages of How To Raise A Zombie, Sexy Style. Obviously LKH thought this was megahot, having Zachary and Whorenita verrrrrrryyy slooowwwllly smearing blood on each other's chests and herbs on faces. I'm surprised Whorenita didn't offer to lick it all off.
Page 19 demonstrates that Anita is apparently smuggling a pair of smoked hams inside her pantyhose. That's the only explanation I can think of for why her hips are wider than Zachary's shoulders.
After what seems like dozens of pages of tedious zombie-raising, our SuperMegaSpeshul Blockhead realizes that whoops, Zachary is undead, and he's the one killing the vampires. Would have been nice if the dumbass had realized that BEFORE she did her touchy-feely necromancer stuff with him, but as we've seen, Anita's head is full of dead leaves.
Witty dialogue: "Can you kill the dead?" "I do it all the time." Cue the music to show what a dramatic moment this is.
Note: the vampires have mysteriously vanished from the scene. Anita feeds the zombie and throws another hissy fit, at which point the vampires magically appear again. While they're torturing the Zombie, Anita leaps away on her freakishly thick legs. Not runs, note -- LEAPS, like a leaping thing what leaps.... sorry, had to say it. But maybe that horizontal leaping is why she immediately trips and falls flat on her face (which, of course, is rendered to make her look Sexily Rumpled, rather than Really Stupid).
Lo and behold, it's Nikolaos and her five-foot-long serpentine hair, and Willie with his opaque cigarette smoke. Apparently unaware of how absurd she looks, Whorenita does her best Villain Laugh, which is identical to Nikolaos': "Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha!" Yes, with more commas. Even laughter has too many commas. It also demonstrates that Anita, being the Ultimate Tough Badass (more like Ultimate Bigass), is not afraid of anybody.
Anita also notes that "the closer she came, the less perfect [Nikolaos] looks." Well DUH, dumbass -- no blonde can be as beautiful as Ma Petite Fissure de Ruine. Anyway, Nikolaos hunches over, and her hair and the dead leaves start swirling, and Willie looks very worried -- maybe because it looks like she's getting ready to fart Anita into submission.
Anita starts getting all touchy-feely about the zombie she raised, and Nikolaos tries to blackmail her into letting her drink Whorenita's blood. Anita's witty reply: "You bitch." But she allows Nikolaos to lick the blood off Philip's bite.
"I had not known that any vampire could do telepathy. Of course, before last night I hadn't thought they could fly either." Wow, I'd rush to hire this expert vampire hunter -- she doesn't know half of what they can do. One of them, judging from page 29, is the ability to tie someone up with your hair.
But then Whorenita pisses her off by revealing that whoopsie, her mind tricks aren't working, and Anita can see the scar on her face. Then Phillip comes lurching out of the underbrush. I think that expression is supposed to convey worry and distress, but it looks more like an epileptic seizure.
And there it ends for this chapter. Blah, said Toad. I'm looking forward to the next one, if nothing else to see if the next artist will have the same absurd expressions as the last one.
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Date: 2008-01-09 10:38 pm (UTC)Whoops, I meant teh best.
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Date: 2008-01-10 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 03:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-09 11:48 pm (UTC)How DO they do it? Continually get worse with the dialogue, I mean. Killing vampires and putting down zombies shouldn't actually come as a suprise to the characters in this comic.
Good point! Why didn't she get it before then? lolz
or is it?
Thanks for the fun.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 12:43 am (UTC)I haven't seen the cover, but the "hair over face" thing sounds like this:
"Someone may kill me before all this is over, but it won't be you!"
Any chance that Whorenita could be slaughtered by bad reviews? *hopes valiantly*
Brilliant sporking!
no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 03:30 am (UTC)Which of the movies is that piccie from? The hair isn't quite like that, but there's more'n a squiggle going over her face.
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Date: 2008-01-10 03:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 01:27 am (UTC)You don't "do" telepathy. It's an ability. Do you "do" agility? Do you "do" strength? You use them.
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Date: 2008-01-10 03:29 am (UTC)"Had" is also an acceptable term. "Vampires HAD telepathy"...
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Date: 2008-01-10 10:47 pm (UTC)I should really feel ashamed of that pun, and don't.
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Date: 2008-01-10 02:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-01-10 08:16 am (UTC)The artists haven't actually said anything bad about her that I know of. But they haven't heard of them saying anything good either.
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Date: 2008-01-11 10:15 pm (UTC)huge, round things.. something between a rat and chimpanzee. >_>
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Date: 2008-01-10 09:13 am (UTC)I so have to go through all my issues and take screencaps. Because they are that hilarious.
no subject
Date: 2008-01-17 08:15 pm (UTC)