Blood Noir, Chapter 1

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Hello, lovely lashers! I was sitting here, getting ready to finish up the next Harlequin snark (which I will post tomorrow) and I was goofing around and checking myspace. Lo and behold, there was a bulletin from LKH's myspace in my inbox. Normally, I don't bother to read these because they're always updates that are 3 weeks out of date, or a reminder to order a Guilty Pleasures comic poster. But today, it was a link to the first chapter of Blood Noir. Naturally, I couldn't resist giving it a read. Click at your own risk.

The link: http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Anita/BloodNoirChapterOne.html

The temptation to snark is killing me!!!!

Comments

Give in to Tempation

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Cause, I'd love to read your take on it. And I'm eagerly waiting for the next Harlequin snark to come out. Your wit and insight are amazing.

Re: Give in to Tempation

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Please, please, please post a Harlequin snark. I've started a diet, work sucks and I realllllllly need a laugh

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I know. I tried reading it. This is why Sharkbytes is my hero. I got sick half-way through with the immediate character assassination of poor Perdy.

I'm making Rum Swizzles for the community. If you need a hard drink after that chapter, you're all free to have one.

[nimnix.livejournal.com]

Oh my god I couldn't read it all. I think I may just have to read it through your snark.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I'm voting for this being the funniest idea in the book

"Most of the wereanimals would go around nude if you let them. I wasn't quite comfy with that, so he wore the shorts to save my delicate sensibilities. There were some who thought I didn't have any of those left, but they would be wrong, and they would be jealous."

[tenaya-owlcat.livejournal.com]

That's just... wow. Please to be snarking it. :P

[drho.livejournal.com]

Is it in English, because I don't think my brain can translate from the original snowflake.

But let me guess. I predict Anita has to have sex for some reason. She describes someone with long hair and oddly-colored eyes (pink? orange?). During or prior to sex, Anita opines that jealous haters are jealous. This might be out of order, as sex is secondary to telling the haters off.

[asilentpart.livejournal.com]

That's so poorly written. Wow.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

I skimmed, so I missed that. Wow...all the subtlety of a sledgehammer between the eyes.

Which, coincidentally, is about how it feels to read her so-called dialog.

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

So I tried to read this. I got through some of it, but I found this more unreadable than her previous books. I noticed several mistakes, including "loose" instead of "lose."

And aparently Jason has the soap opera thing of tragedy making someone want to have sex.

What is her obsession with short guys? I had no idea Jason was supposed to be 5'3" or so. It's like she's collecting them.

But this, in the first couple paragraphs, really makes me dislike her books.
...he wore the shorts to save my delicate sensibilities. There were some who thought I didn't have any of those left, but they would be wrong, and they would be jealous."
There she goes again... How many times is she going to start off her book with a jab at negative readers?

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

LMAO Oh dear. This made me seriously lol.

I haven't read the chapter yet. I'm saving that for my next break but I can't understand why anyone would be 'jealous' of her having a sensibility. Surprised. Yes? Jealous? Not so much. Such a classic Anita and LKH oddball sentence.

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

For those of us browsing at work, is this at all work safe? I'm ready to see the train wreck, but don't know if I can!

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

I think it's safe, but I just skimmed. It seems like she cuts off before the sex and we just get left with the angsting before sex.

[mystickiwi.livejournal.com]

"Nathaniel answered the question. "Jason has made love in a bed and only a bed since he started being with Perdy."
I frowned, then looked at Jason, still in a loose hug with me. "I understand no shower or bath sex. Mermaids have trouble retaining human form in water, but nothing but the bed?"
He shook his head.
"Standard positions, too?" I made it a question.
He nodded.
My eyes widened. "Oh, Jason, I'm sorry, I didn't know." I hugged him tighter"


OH GOD THE HORROR! That part practically snarks itself. But I look forward to seeing what you can do with it sharkybytes!

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

Cool. Thanks!

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Underage for another nine months. Think I can claim it's medicinal?

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Well that depends. Perdy gets trashed in many different ways, and Jason, Nate and Anita have to negotiate a sexual position. But on the positive the chapter is just full of sentences like this one:

"He would always be beautiful rather than handsome, but the bone structure had changed minutely so he just suddenly looked his age, instead of like jail bait."

which as a snarker made me laugh out loud at LKH's attempt at responding to the critism heaped upon her.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

When DO guys stop growing, anyway? (I grew beyond my cutoff date, which pissed me off, but I am a girl.) Family apocrypha says my dad grew until he was 24, but men lie. ^___^

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

Actually, in the span of a few years, I knew several guys in college who continued growing until they hit 20-21, so it's not unheard of.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Gosh, cause you know, it's more FUN to do it on a cold tile floor or in a kitchen sink. GAG

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

That was quite the bang between the eyes. No pun intended at all. Ouch.

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

Can anyone see Nathaniel actually arguing at the DMV over his license?

"No, my eyes HAVE TO BE PURPLE!"

Laurell has got such an amazing hangup over this.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that wasn't bitchy at all, Anita. Jesus.

I'm having to read that in small increments, go away, and come back. I WILL finish. I WILL.

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

I think Nathaniel is 21 now and Jason is 23.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

So how old is Anita? Has she hit the once dreaded 30th birthday yet?