Blog flog: PH34R LKH.

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Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2005/10/better-day.html
Date: Monday 17 October 2005
Title: A better day

LKH in italics, me not so much. I'm fighting the urge to curl up in the corner, rock back and forth, hug my facehugger and chant, "Redrum! Redrum!"

Better day today. After backing up a little, ie . . . dumping some pages,

z0mg, pages were cut? I wonder if it was painful. I mean, up to now, everything that's been written has been splendiferous perfection, so sayeth the author.

And...how much of those pages counted toward what little plot I'm looking forward to? I mean, I know it's going to be too much to cut a sex scene, because...well, read on.

I got fifteen pages done, and we're at 961 pages in total.

This is not a book. It's a very porny brick. And I'm going to guess that it's asking an awful lot of the readership to shell out good money for a nearly 1,000 page hardcover book. And have you seen 1,000 page paperbacks? Not very convenient for the purse or long bus trips. Hello wrist cramps. Which could be totally misunderstood given the reading material. "No, really, I hurt myself holding the book in one hand!" "Sure, sure, you were reading LKH, weren't you?" "...yes, but the book is so big!" "Riiight."

I'm hoping the last sex scene is done for this book. I actually got out my book of sexual positions, no, really, and tried to find something we hadn't done before in a book, but would still work in a stretch limo.

Be afraid. I know I am.

This is probably more information for the people that make notes or something - start a new list of sexual positions to tick off. In fact, this blog entry gives you a book to reference for such a thing.

I also try to stay away from positions that are so awkward you feel like you need a safety line and a spotter.

Aye Carumba. Really? Coulda fooled me. I know I'm not the only one out there to have her uterus cower in fear and her cervix whimper at the idea of what Anita goes through. But...that probably doesn't count, because I'm not having the most phenomenal sex ever with or without multiple partners, all hugely hung. So who am I to criticise?

However, I know enough about my own limits, and that of human physiology to know about things like chaffing, cramps and performance anxiety. As much as I'd like to see Anita have chaffing and cramps, or her boys have performance anxiety (and let me reiterate the pain I feel on behalf of the flaccid-fellated Jean-Claude?) it's probably not going to happen. So the awkward will remain.

I'm going to choose my safe-word before I open the book. Just in case.

The Kama Sutra is interesting, but though you may be able to get into most of the positions in this reality, you'd need other people to grab an ankle and spin you for the position to work. Yeah, yeah, I've had people tell me it's all possible. But the Kama Sutra was originally meant to be meditation. Yeah, that's right meditation. Some of these positions were never designed to be tried by real people. Honest. The book I used today was THE COMPLETE MANUAL OF SEXUAL POSITIONS BY Jessica Stewart, though most of it is stuff Jon and I had worked out on our own.

First, I thought it was Kama Sutra - y'know, title and all. For Laurell, that'd mean CAPS, because she can't figure out bold, underline or italics on blogspot.

And then she goes to bitch about how people shouldn't speculate on her sex life because of what she blogs? *facepalm* I didn't need to know that. Nor did I need to know about how she'd practice Anita!sex for the books. It's nice that she's getting some, really, and she's totally happy with her fanboy hubby - but...does the adoring public need to know this? Specially when faced with the fact that there's that petty, evil element that likes to make petty, evil jibes about her personal life? Oh, Laurell, you totally invite it on yourself.

Dinner's up; oven roasted corn on the cob (some of the last of the season), beef eye of round steaks (we average beef about twice a month, sadly, we've found it does contribute to the whole weight thing), steamed carrots and asparagus round out the meal.

I'm amused that her dinner has phallic foods.

I am now sufficiently filled with dread, specially since I know I'm going to be reading this book and "taking one for the team."

I'm going to hug my facehugger now.

>:\