Sex Tips From LKH

[rfienneslover.livejournal.com]

I am extremely grateful that I hadn't eaten anything when I came across this blog entry.
LKH: Bold
Me: Unbolded.

Charles went to the Ren Faire yesterday and apparently some of you asked, where were Jon and I? First, let this be a blow to the rumor that Charles is permanently attached to us.
Oh, really? Who are these mysterious "some of you" she's talking about? What rumor? Is she inadvertently admitting she's got her little lackies spying on various boards and reporting back to Lacky #1, Darla?

He went with friends of his, and they had a good time. Jon and I stayed home so Charles could have a good time. When he’s with us, he’s working, and no matter how relaxed he looks, he’s actually watching the crowd.
Watching the crowd for what, exactly?

So, I thought he needed at least one trip to the Ren Faire without having to be on duty.
*LOL* And now she completely contradicts the "blow to the rumor" by implying that he's always with her unless she allows him some time off every once in a blue moon. She's such a shitastically incompetent writer that I bet it was unintentional.

Also, I had work to do. I am desperately trying to get SWALLOWING DARKNESS done before BLOOD NOIR comes out on May 27th.
Hehehe! I misread that as, she was desperately trying to SWALLOWING DARKNESS, at first. Mature, I know. :P

I’m about fifty or so pages out. I can do the amount of pages, but now that I’ve had to loose the bomb idea, I’m having trouble reworking the ending.
Ugh! Of course she has no problem "making pages," when she copy-pastes whole scenes from her previous books. She means lose, right? Too bad she didn't keep the bomb idea and nuked Merry and her boyz to kingdom come.

If I can finish DARKNESS then I can just devout myself to BLOOD NOIR tour and publicity.
*SIGH* I wish she'd devote herself to mastering the English language.

But on the plus side for a grown-up weekend, we did manage to have some fun.
Whoop dee flippin' doo!

Ember Massage Candles from JimmyJane, are nicely scented, not too strong a scent which is my complaint for a lot of things, just enough fragrance. But unlike regular candles (okay regular candles do not work for pouring on your lover, because most of the wax gets too damn hot.
Ugh...gee, thanks, LKH. I could never figure this kind of stuff out on my own.

They have this little wand thing with the candles so you can paint on the wax/oil. I didn’t think the wand would be that tantalizing, but it was a big hit. Jon loved it.
*SNERK*

Oh, and like any good dominant, I tried the wax on my body before trying it on Jon’s.
LKH...a good dominant?! LKH dominant?! With all the coddling she needs and the constant pissing and moaning that she does, I can't help but be incredulous over that. Btw, who the hell did ask her? The voices in her head?

Nothing ruins a great romantic scene like your lover going, "AAARGH! Get it off! It burns!"
No shit, Sherlock.

But last night worked out just right, everything was just hot enough, and who doesn’t like an erotic hot oil massage from their sweetie?
Ugh, WTF, man, WTF? *shudders* She just had to use the word "sweetie" like her favorite avatar, Whorenita.

So, in among all the hair-pulling work yesterday, I managed to drive the Foose, and drive the man in my life to warm, satisfied distraction. A very good day.
Excuse me while clear my stomach of its contents via mouth.

Comments

[artemis-rex.livejournal.com]

And I read your comment whilst drinking ... you owe me a new keyboard, kplzthanx.

[skeezix74.livejournal.com]

I thought this was the woman who gets pissed about people discussing her private life? Then she goes and tells the world about pouring hot wax all over her subby-hubby.

The stupidity. It burns. But apparently not as much as regular melted candle wax.

[aine-de-danann.livejournal.com]

O. M. F. G. Why doesn't she just do this little hot wax action on top of her 'Baby' in the middle of a busy intersection? It's like she is just screaming, "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!!"

[shanrina.livejournal.com]

Ew. I really wish I hadn't been eating when I saw this. *shudder*

[acostilow.livejournal.com]

Well, I was hungry. That problem got solved rather quickly.

Gah.

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Off topic but that's a really awesome icon. Is it sharable?

[kessie.livejournal.com]

.... *scrubs brain* D:

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Why does a professional writer think that sharing her sex life is a good idea in a public blog? No seriously how can LKH justify this then expect people not to speculate about her private life?

Did she mean to make it sound like Charles is there 24/7 and only gets down time when she allows?

But to be optimist maybe this is her way of saying that Anita is finally going to get over her issues with playing Dom for her harem of subby leopards?

[rfienneslover.livejournal.com]

But to be optimist maybe this is her way of saying that Anita is finally going to get over her issues with playing Dom for her harem of subby leopards?

I don't know about that. Instead of completely dominating Nathaniel hurting him so good like he's been begging her to do, she has him top her while she takes the sub role in bondage sex. WTF.

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

"Oh, and like any good dominant, I tried the wax on my body before trying it on Jon’s."

@_@''' Never gonna get that one out of my brain.

[tybalt-quin.livejournal.com]

like any good dominant, I tried the wax on my body before trying it on Jon’s.

And apparently it got the hairs off on the first rip, with very little pain.

Also, Swallowing Darkness? Is this the next Merry novel? Does that mean we've got 200 pages of Merry deep-throating Frost to look forward to?

[tybalt-quin.livejournal.com]

And what's going to be the sequel to Swallowing Darkness? No, wait, don't tell me - Spitting Light.

Meh. I hear it's very good for the skin.

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

Bets on a hot wax scene in either Blood Noir or Swallowing Darkness?

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

You stole my comment. My Magic 8-Ball says "It is decidedly so."

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Weeeeelll... do the masses need to know WHEN and HOW she's waxing her husbands' legs? I don't think so! *desperately trying to keep the OTHER use of hot wax on Jon from her mind*

Drive the Foose, drive the hubby... same thing, reallyXD

[teanni.livejournal.com]

I am desperately trying to get SWALLOWING DARKNESS DOWN before BLOOD NOIR comes out Okay, I admit I've had a beer, but I first inadvertently read 'down' instead of 'done'. Maybe it was because of that preceding 'swallowing'. *smiles* For some reason that makes the whole BLOOD NOIR business sound a little bit well...unsavory? :)

[refche.livejournal.com]

Ew.

[gothgoddessrhia.livejournal.com]

She really shouldn't be allowed to blog. Seriously. They need to delete the program from her computer.

Maybe, you know, they should not allow her to write. At all. Ever.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Maybe, you know, they should not allow her to write. At all. Ever.

We couldn't possibly be that lucky.

Why does she do this? She claims she doesn't want to talk about her private life, and then she talks about nothing BUT.

The Stupid! It BURNS! (not unlike a bad candle)

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

The whole candle thing? Really? Did she HAVE to share that with us? I don't need brain bleach, I need a clear shot to the toilet so I can go puke. UGH!!

And, there's a Dominant who's been posting on the Amazon board lately. No, LKH is NOT a Dom, good or otherwise. Moron.

Re: The Stupid! It BURNS! (not unlike a bad candle)

[easol.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Wilma is uber-informative on the topic.

[drho.livejournal.com]

TMI.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

He's two! Two! Two mints in one!

He's also the master of "driving sideways"--oh, God, I can't go on.

[chaosakita.livejournal.com]

Is it a really bad thing I'm not disturbed by any of this?

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

Is it a really bad thing that I did a search for those candles?

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

I would point out that any good Dominant will test whatever implement they plan on using on their submissive so that they can tell how it will feel and how it inflicts pain.

That being said, why the hell did she throw that into her blog unless she wants the whole world to know that she's topping ol' Jonboy? For someone who bitches about her private life not staying private, she's not even making an effort here.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I think she wants us to think she's cool.

[stefflebug.livejournal.com]

First I threw up a little.

Then I started laughing hysterically.

Wow. She really doesn't have a clue as to how she comes off does she. *shakes head* It must be nice to live in her little world, where everything is tight and wet and spilling.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I've been laughing hysterically since I read the blog. First of all I can't help but laugh at the fact that LKH thinks she's a Domme. Because, you know a hot oil massage is so edgy... so dangerous... so freaking mundane. I have some of the most white bread vanilla friends in the world and even they've done a hot oil massage.

Didn't we do a thread a while back about all the things LKH gets wrong about BSDM? What I love about this post is that she completely fails to grasp the concept that some subs LIKE pain.

[dinsedaledarby.livejournal.com]

TMI! TMI! I so don't wanna know what she and Jonboi do in their spare time. kthanksbye

I am quite sure now that she doesn't realize how ridiculous she sounds

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Cry havoc and let loose the bombs of wah.

Oh hai by the way I had HOT!!!! perverse!!!!!! HOT!!!!! sex the other day. Just so you know, everybody. There's nothing I like more, being a good switch, than making sure everyone knows about how I got some because I am so hot, you know, and a Sexual Being.

[gwynethfar.livejournal.com]

"AAARGH! Get it off! It burns!"... isn't that like, ANY of Anita's sexual partners' lines. I mean, after the herpes sores develop.

I refuse to believe that anyone, and I mean anyone, recognizes LKH in public. She is not the huge star she seems to believe she is. With that in mind, I refuse to believe that mobs of frothing fans approach people she works with because they recognize THEM. Her cousin probably ran into the guy and was like, "Where's Laurel?" and that's who the "some of you" are.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

I refuse to believe that anyone, and I mean anyone, recognizes LKH in public

Agreed. Unless she's wearing a nametag or something. She looks like every other forty-something wannabe-Goth.

[dominanefret.livejournal.com]

I still can't get over the fact that Swallowing Darkness is the WORST BOOK TITLE EVER. EVER.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I kind of like the name Swallowing Darkness. It says exactly what the book is about without.

[judaistic.livejournal.com]

She says she don't like discussing private matters, just she blogs about getting it on with Jon...yeah. Real nice, LKH. Thanks for making me lose my dinner.

[judaistic.livejournal.com]

*yet

See how screwed up this blog made me? I wrote down just instead of yet. Way off the bat.