How do you organise this?

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

In which our daring heroine waxes lyrical about a writer's needs. (Grammar not included.) LKH in bold, me normal.

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/07/how-do-you-organize-this.html

We’ve been discussing how to organize the work here. We have lot’s of ideas, 

None of which involve the correct use of apostrophes.

but in the end, all the ideas crash against the same barrier. Me. I am a writer. 

I assume she's using the word "writer" ironically, or at least in the loosest sense of the word, but ...

That means that my pages can take two hours, or eight, to accomplish. It means that my best hours are the first hours of the day, so those have to be kept fresh and open, if at all possible. It means, that part of everyone’s job is to help me be able to work, because if the books don’t get done then none of the other work really matters. 

How many Laurells does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. She just stands there and the world revolves around her.

Also, all this repeated nonsense about "making her pages" drives me mad. Does anyone know if she literally sets herself a goal of ... I don't know, four pages a day, or if she works to a word count or what? Whenever I see "making pages" I envision her chopping down helpless trees and pulping up the bark.

... the more successful you are the more demands there are, it is the nature of the beast. It is everything we all work for, but one thing keeps banging up against it. Me.

Words LKH should never use, part 6583: Banging.

The more success I get, the more sympathy I have with the tabloid darlings. 

Yeah, coz the papparazzi are just lining the streets outside Laurell's house, waiting to snap her and Jon going about their scintillating business. Laurell in the Midlife Crisis Mobile is the snap all the tabloids are dying for. Can you see the headlines? MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN DRIVES CAR!!!!! HUSBAND ALSO PRESENT!!!!

Success can be as deadly to your career as failure. I mean, most of us, have dealt with failure for years before we finally sell. We know how to fail, and dust ourselves off and hit it again. If you’re going to succeed as a writer you’ve got to know how to take a hit, and keep swinging. It’s a harsh business, and your ego better be able to take the beating. 

And in order to toughen up your ego, it's imperative that you surround yourself with yes-men and minions, ignore all advice given to you regarding your work and, above all, don't read any reviews of your books. It might, like, interfere with your characters' needs.

I said, I’m the stumbling block for organizing the business, and I am. How do you organize a schedule that can get everything done in four hours one day, and not get done for ten the next? How do you explain that a few minutes of interruption can destroy two hours of momentum, and loose you all you’ve gained for that work session? Everything waits on the book being finished, but it’s not done. Progress was nonexistent today.

Maybe you could spend less time blogging about not being able to write and more time writing? Just a thought, but since I'm not a NYT Bestselling Author/Darkitydark Artiste, my ideas probably aren't worth listening to. Hell, even if I was, they probably wouldn't be worth listening to, coz then I'd just be a jellus hater.

Merry won’t let me destroy everyone. 

Bitchslap the little mutant and do what you want, for Diety's sake!

Merry needs to end the book her way, and I need out of this book. I need onto something more visceral, more violent, more rough. I ask Deity to help me give compassion to those who hate me, but it is not my nature, which I suppose is why I pray for help to feel it. These people have hurt Merry, and killed those she loves, they deserve to die. They’ve earned it, but she is not me. She would give life where I would give death. She would give compassion where I would give back the rage visited upon us.

RAGE! Look at Laurell RAGE! God, I bet she's the kind of neighbour who bursts the kids' footballs when they land in her garden because those Ebil footballs crushed her beautiful roses and that HURT her and caused her to RAGE!

I'm sorry, I really don't buy LKH's "I'm the most angriest person" line. If half the crap she put in her blogs about her unending hatred towards the world was true, she'd be out there chopping up kittens or something. She's not angry anymore than she's Queen of the Goths. She just wants to be, and I'm pretty sure her only real source of RAGE stems from the fact that she doesn't have much to be angry about anymore.

How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate. How do you explain that to people whose jobs deal with facts, figures, and flesh and blood people? Hell, there are days when I can’t even explain it to myself. 

One word lady: Therapy.

 

Comments

[siedhr.livejournal.com]

Yours is one of the best flogs I've read in this comm so far. The material also helps.

Success can be as deadly to your career as failure.
Am I the only one who has problems with the logic behind this statement? It sounds like an aborted quote wannabe (one of those that you just blurt out and it sounds so gooood, excepts it makes no sense whatsoever). I mean failure does not a career make.

"thinks and can't believe she thinks about something LKH said"
I feel like there's a fallacy at work here but I just can't put my finger on it. It may be that reading LKH's words of wisdom has lowered my IQ (hopefully) temporarily. -_- I shall ponder some more.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Lol, thanks. It's been age - I think I'm a bit rusty still! But yeah, she makes it easy to snark her.

Am I the only one who has problems with the logic behind this statement? It sounds like an aborted quote wannabe (one of those that you just blurt out and it sounds so gooood, excepts it makes no sense whatsoever)

It's exactly the kind of thing I'd expect to hear from Paris Hilton or some other celebrity airhead who's trying to convince people they're "deep."

[shanrina.livejournal.com]

Actually, some people do have "success issues." I know another author (so much better than LKH it's not even funny) who had some issues relating to success in the past. She had no trouble writing until she sold her first book, and it's been a struggle for her ever since then, although it does seem like she's doing better now. (Real author with books in real bookstores, just someone I'm not comfortable naming.)

LKH, however, does not seem to suffer from this problem. I'm sure her career just interferes with all that sitting around in the dark and pretending to be "oh-so-GAWTH" all the time.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I ask Deity to help me give compassion to those who hate me, but it is not my nature, which I suppose is why I pray for help to feel it.

At least she finally spelled "deity" correctly...

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was thinking that too, lol.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Beautiful flog!!! You were great. This so needed a flog, oh yes! *ebil laugh*

Oh, this post of hers is precious! It's classic "the world must revolve around me! I'm just that important!"

Merry won’t let me destroy everyone.
WTF??? Is she the author or what??? Just kill them all and get the fuck done with it!!!! *rolls eyes*

I'm sorry, I really don't buy LKH's "I'm the most angriest person" line. If half the crap she put in her blogs about her unending hatred towards the world was true, she'd be out there chopping up kittens or something. She's not angry anymore than she's Queen of the Goths. She just wants to be, and I'm pretty sure her only real source of RAGE stems from the fact that she doesn't have much to be angry about anymore.
I agree. I totally do. She created a character that is angry and well, so much cooler than her and she wants to be this character. But she isn't. Anita Blake is a fictional character. Laurell is just a middle-aged average woman. She doesn't want to be, that is the problem.

Laurell can't grasp that she isn't freaking Anita Blake. I wouldn't be surprised if she slept with a gun under her pillow. :p It's just sad.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I know, this whole "Oh, Merry won't let me kill people" stuff is just ... pathetic. At the end of the day, the characters are not real people and they should not be dictating to her. I admit, sometimes my characters take on a life of their own and I find the story going in a direction I didn't expect, but seriously? They're not going to do anything I don't want them to because ... delete key? Laurell? Delete key?

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

"How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate. How do you explain that to people whose jobs deal with facts, figures, and flesh and blood people? Hell, there are days when I can’t even explain it to myself.

One word lady: Therapy."

--

OMGROFL!! That was a hilarious flog. Thank you very much. ^^

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

*bows slightly* I live to give!

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

"I'm sorry, I really don't buy LKH's "I'm the most angriest person" line."

Ay Vey... I know a five-year-old who would wipe the floor with her when hes angry-__- And I mean THAT is RAGE.

Laurel, spend some time with a bunch of preschool kids! Feel the power of RAGE!

[slayra.livejournal.com]

She doesn't even like spending time with her own daughter (or so it is implied on her blog... I don't really know if it's true, and I don't doubt she loves her kid. But she seems disconnected)! She'd freak out if she had to spend time wirh a buch of five-year-olds. :p

[dwg.livejournal.com]

How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate. How do you explain that to people whose jobs deal with facts, figures, and flesh and blood people? Hell, there are days when I can’t even explain it to myself.

I usually go with, "I'm a writer." And that usually gets met with, "Oh. Okay." and this then leads to an interesting conversation about stuff.

But, y'know, that's the type of crazy thing that happens in the Real World™.

But ugh, I know what you mean about the page count. Like, really? Does it matter that much to get N pages written? Wordcounts I can understand. Pages? NOT SO MUCH, because you can totally cheat. Not that you can't cheat at word counts either, but hey that's another story.

[gwynethfar.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure she's using page count as word count. Most of the big publishers estimate word count by number of pages x 250 = word count, so you focus more on pages than words.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

"I said, I’m the stumbling block for organizing the business, and I am. How do you organize a schedule that can get everything done in four hours one day, and not get done for ten the next? How do you explain that a few minutes of interruption can destroy two hours of momentum, and loose you all you’ve gained for that work session? Everything waits on the book being finished, but it’s not done. Progress was nonexistent today."

Here's a friggin suggestion--stop being a controlling asshole and let people help you. Why can't Jon, Darla, Mary or Jon's dad go to the accountant or order new crap for the cafe store?

As far as the ending to Slutness Merry--your damn muse and Merry have been telling you since FEBRUARY that a final battle isn't working. While I don't believe in The Great Muse On High or the character talking I do think that pushing a scene that doesn't fit into a novel is a big mistake. It's July now. Give up and write the scene that "Merry" wants written.

This is how Merry wants the scene to go:

"King T and Price Cel I'll give you the sexxors and that will turn you into a nice happy sidhe with sunlight and puppies surrounding your castles in the sky. As woodland creatures frolic on purple clouds I'll miraculously become pregnant with both your children. These twins will be born 2 months after my triplets with six fathers and each will have a unicorn's horn. But I'll only grant you the bounty of my flesh if you let my big, strong, cotton candy colored guards go."

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

I just boggle at this - I have friends who are successful published authors with daw and the like who work full time jobs and write. I mean, MY GODS HOW DO THEY POSSIBLE MANAGE?! She can't even function well enough to schedule a damn appointment because she is an artiste and therefore, must be freely available to write when the mood strikes her.

Or, she is just an spoiled idiot. You choose.

[orthent.livejournal.com]

I know which side I'm leaning toward here.

Seriously. William Carlos Williams was a practicing physician, Wallace Stevens worked 9 to 5 at an insurance company, and Sylvia Plath was a SAHM who got up at ungodly hours of the morning to write before her kids woke up. If poets can do it, a supposedly professional author should be able to. That whole "everyone's job is to help Me be able to work" just made me want to slap her. No, Laurita, that's not their responsibility, that's YOURS.

[moonsinger.livejournal.com]

Well, I guess Merry is the boss. No wonder the books are just sucking. Grow a backbone Laurell!

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

If I were someone who had never read LKH and just happened upon this blog, it would definitely turn me off of her book. She really sounds as if she hates writing the Merry books. She also sounds like she'll just eventually throw some random ending in so she doesn't have to actually finish.

Not to mention that, even to someone that didn't read beyond this entry, she sounds full of crazy. "How do I tell all those people with 8-5 jobs that I have imaginary friends dictating my time distribution?"

[beloved828.livejournal.com]

Bravo! This was a classic flog! ^_^ Thank you so much, everbody, for saying exactly what I've been wanting to say forever. I don't buy LKH's angry loner b.s. for a second. She can say it over and over, but I will never believe it. What in the world does she have to be so angry about? She's told us nothing about her life that would warrant the amount of anger than she insists she has towards the world. She lost her mom and her dad left, she got a divorce. So what? I know why LKH's really angry. She's not Anita Blake. Life is so unfair! Let's chop up those kittens and smash Hummel figurines! Even Anita Blake doesn't have that much to pissed about. She's mixed race and has to hump hot menz to stay alive. Boo hoo! Being angry doesn't make you tough. Why is being angry so cool to LKH? Is that how she sees the gothic set? A bunch of angry, oversexed whiners? (for some of them, sure, but not all ^_~) I wish she'd just take some Valium and calm the hell down.

"Merry needs to end the book her way, and I need out of this book. I need onto something more visceral, more violent, more rough. I ask Deity to help me give compassion to those who hate me, but it is not my nature, which I suppose is why I pray for help to feel it. These people have hurt Merry, and killed those she loves, they deserve to die. They’ve earned it, but she is not me. She would give life where I would give death. She would give compassion where I would give back the rage visited upon us."

When she bitches about Merry, all I can think of is that she really wants to be writing some more Anita Blake fan fic nonsense. She can do whatever she wants with her own characters. I know that's a strange and scary concept, but it's true. They aren't real, Laurell! They can't hurt you! Just have Merry dye her hair "raven's wing" black, get a cool Marshall' badge out of a Cracker Jack box, and save her big strong menz by sucking some of the baddies into her Doomcrotch and shooting the rest with her super cool gun like you want her to.

The best line of all was:

"How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate. How do you explain that to people whose jobs deal with facts, figures, and flesh and blood people? Hell, there are days when I can’t even explain it to myself."

One word lady: Therapy.

Priceless!

(Sorry, I don't know how to do boldface, underlined, or italicized type in LJ. I'm a noob >.<)

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

To bold, underline, italicize and strikethrough, do this:

[b]text you want bolded[/b]

[u]text you want underlined[/u]

[i]text you want italicized[/i]

[strike]text you want to strike through[/strike]

Substitute < and > for [ and ], and you've got it.

[gwynethfar.livejournal.com]

Okay, you know what? This shit makes me crazed. I am a working writer. I manage to make it to my dentist appointments and out to grocery shop, because I HAVE TO. Because I am a grownup, and it is my job to balance my work with the rest of life, just like all grownups have to balance work with the rest of life. Full stop.

No, it is not the responsibility of everyone around her to make sure she gets her job done. If she wants a job where everyone tells her what to do and when, she needs to go into the military. Otherwise, she needs to realize that sometimes she won't be allowed an uninterrupted amount of time in which to get her pages done. If you want to get paid, you write when you have to in order to get the damned book done, whether or not the characters "want" you to do something else, the muse is striking, or a trip to the accountant puts a crimp in your quality time with your imaginary friends.

Suck it up and grow up, Laurel. If you can't do the incredibly easy job you've been handed in life, quit. If you have success issues, quit. There are plenty of writers out there to take your place.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

Agreed and much applause. I don't understand why LKH has turn writing into this big ordeal of epic proportions...oh wait, yeah I do...because it's the 'ANGST'

"Oh woe is me, I am a writer that must write, yet it tasks me so. The pain, the agony, the rage the consumes my dark soul."

LARPing with Laurell

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Oh, God, yes. LKH LARPing...this must happen, if for no other reason than I'm certain it would turn out like this:

http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp12032003.shtml

[longtail.livejournal.com]

*pinches bridges of nose*

Laurell, babe, you're not actually having a problem anywhere outside yourself. You're not describing anything that all of us don't do every single day, in any kind of work we do. I also have to make appointments, run errands, cook, clean, and do things around an ever changing schedual and I have to get momentum up to finish my work in spite of interruption. Immanuel Kant might been so precise in his schedualing that people could set their watches by him, but that kind of ethereal power to make life predictable with no surprises is not something most of us can master. Oh yeah, he was a writer too.

This woman seems to be drowning in ennui to the point she creates drama because it's the only interesting thing she thinks she has in her life.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

Awesome flogging. Thank you. :D

Everyone has already said all the stuff I would have commented on, and said it better. Yay Lashers. :)

The only other thing that still cracks me up about her Merry whining: Since WHEN has a LKH book had a satisfactory ending anyway.

How can she be having trouble coming up with a tired ol' Dues Ex Machina and writing the obligatory 'sum up' chapter that totally obliterates any ongoing sense of tension she accidentally created? If she's having this much trouble I'm surprised she doesn't just have Merry faint in the middle of it all and wake up later to be told how everyone was saved/evil people killed in her absence. As much as I liked the early books Laurell's been writing these same crap endings forever.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

Ugh...I just don't understand how this woman can keep writing this stuff with a straight face. It's so melodramatic. It's like reading the diary of a 13 year old

"Dear diary. People were mean today, they called me ugly. Now my whole life is over, I have no will to live, nothing is left for me. The boy I like didn't even smile at me today, he must hate me. I can't survive without his love, the purity of his desire keeps me afloat in this sea of storms. Angst, angst, angst."

The only difference is while it is completely normal for a young teen to be full of drama and angst, most of them eventually grow out of it. It's a little something called maturity, LKH should try it some time.

[sarah-k-o-m.livejournal.com]

Don't lump her in with us! Seriously, I don't know anyone who ever acted as immature as LKH. Even I don't, and I have scary similarities to the crazy bowl of crazy.

[kerame.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, I really don't buy LKH's "I'm the most angriest person" line. If half the crap she put in her blogs about her unending hatred towards the world was true, she'd be out there chopping up kittens or something.

Oh, I totally believe it. Narcissists get enraged when the world and everyone in it doesn't bend over backwards for them, and by steadily surrounding herself with toadies and yes-men who accept and encourage her ridiculous behavior, she's gradually decreased whatever tolerance she once had for the real world.

Remember when she threw a shit-fit at jon when he assumed she might not want to drive a car she was afraid of driving in the rain while Trinity was in the backseat? Her idea of "acceptance", means others accepting her disgusting personality, and finding it lovable.

She's not angry anymore than she's Queen of the Goths. She just wants to be, and I'm pretty sure her only real source of RAGE stems from the fact that she doesn't have much to be angry about anymore.

Her anger works for her, so why would she let it go, or deal with it appropriately? It encourages people to walk around eggshells for fear of her "loosing" her temper, and to attempt to anticipate her every desire before she's even aware of it. Learned helplessness is fun!

[easol.livejournal.com]

Or when she got all huffy because Jonboi had a doctor's appointment, and could not wait hand-and-foot on her 24/7 for one day?

[misora.livejournal.com]

How do I explain that I’m having trouble scheduling a meeting with my accountant, or my doctor, or my whatever, because my imaginary friend won’t cooperate.

Oh dear god, she is most definitely completely batshit now, isn't she.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

I still say she just writes this shit so we can all mutter under our stunned breaths: Oh, she is so artist-y!. I don't think she is batshit at all... she just thinks that saying she "hears" her characters makes her seem like an artist, a writer who writes from the soul, a writer who has a calling. She just wants to appear special. Real artists don't need to write stuff like that in their journals to make other people see they are... well, talented. We can just see it. She is nothing special. She has a good imagination and enough knowledge and patience to write average stories. That's all she is, but she wants to be perceived as someone really good and talented. A great writer. Pity it will never happen. A Nobel Prize is NOT on the way.

Now if you asked me if she is starting to go down that dangerous road (called psychosis) where she can't tell where she ends and Anita Blake begins because she so wants to be her character... yes, she is.

[cheeky-duckie.livejournal.com]

Great flogging. <3

What I want to know is did she ever had a shitty job? I mean, was there ever a time in her life where she had to actually get up and go to work, and then find time to come up with her arbitrary page count? Given her tendency to make such mundane things this big deal, I'm willing to bet no.

[kerame.livejournal.com]

There was an amazing blog where Laurita told us of her first job after college. Her (female) boss dared to put the Diety on phone-duty, then suggested that she try to sound a bit more professional. So naturally, Laurell started using a voice like a phone-sex operator, and claimed that men from other floors were lining up to get a gander at the crazy sexy lady. After jerking her boss around for DAYS until she was asked the question in exactly the right way, Laurell finally admitted what she was doing, then childishly claimed it was not her fault, since no one told her not to do that.

Obviously, the passive-aggressive childishness, and inappropriate use of sexuality goes WAY back.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Can you see the headlines? MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN DRIVES CAR!!!!! HUSBAND ALSO PRESENT!!!!

I sporfled.

I ask Deity to help me give compassion to those who hate me, but it is not my nature, which I suppose is why I pray for help to feel it. These people have hurt Merry, and killed those she loves, they deserve to die.

Seriously?

I mean, seriously?

Oh god, I am confusified. Is she talking about, like, Lashers??? Or people she has made up? The juxtoposition of "those who hate me" with "...hurt Merry, and killed those she loves, they deserve to die" is seriously fucking disturbing me. NEED. CLEAR AND DISTINCT DIVIDING LINES. NOW.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

Um...I don't think they exist anymore. o.O

[artemis-rex.livejournal.com]

How did she ever get through the process of rejection to get herself published?