Blog Flog - "Despair"

[naeko.livejournal.com]

Despair

I finished editing the older chapters, and now have nine fresh pages on the newest Anita book.

By "editing," she means, "adding unnecessary commas."

The post book blues are getting a little better. Today was the closest to a normal mood that I’ve had since I finished SWALLOWING DARKNESS on Saturday. Still moody, still tender to the touch emotionally.

The way she phrased this makes me want to poke her emotions with a stick and giggle.

Despair still nips at my heels, but it’s more like some yappy ankle biting dog. A few days back despair was more like a huge tiger that threw me to the ground and savaged me. It felt like a kind of death.

They have pills for that, you know. Not for getting over tiger maulage, but for despair that makes it difficult to continue with your everyday routine. In fact, I bet that, if Laurell started taking some sort of anti-depressant pills it would actually help her blog. She'd have more to blog about. She could detail, with overly gothity language, how she's FEELING now that she's on the pills and how Jon is reacting to her or something.

I said, "This feels worse than usual." Jon and Darla both, separately, said, "You always say that." Every emotion I’ve had, no matter how dark, they all individually confirmed, "You always do that." Hmm.

I hope this is just another one of her attention-seeking behaviours and that she doesn't actually forget that she goes through this crap after every book. Read your own blog, Laurell. We should not know you better than you know you!

Darla says that it’s like baby amnesia.

Oh noes! Darla forgot that babies exist!

You forget how awful it is to be pregnant.

Now, believe me, I know from familial experience that some people hate to be pregnant, that the actual act of your body forming another life can be terrible. But it's not terrible for everyone, Laurell. Pls to stop assuming everyone is just like you.

You forget the pains of childbirth.

No no. I've never given birth, but I've been through some pretty horrific pain and I have NEVER forgotten how bad it was. I seriously doubt anyone who's given birth has forgotten the unpleasantness of it.

You forget, until it all happens again.

I'm giggling because she makes it sound like SURPRISE! CHILDBIRTH!

But, I didn’t get baby amnesia.

Because you're the specialest snowflake to ever darkity up the blogosphere. Everyone else forgot what it's like to be pregnant, but not you!

One of the reasons Trinity is an only child is that I never got that rose colored glow about the process of how little human beings get here.

By that logic, you could have still adopted, Laurell... I'm sure any orphans-who-aspire-to-be-writers thank you for not, though.

Frankly, I don’t get a rosy glow about the process of books either.

Then, as we've said before, you have no business being a writer! I love writing, even though it can be a stubborn bitch sometimes. If I ever stop liking it, I'll stop doing it. Duh.

I’m a pessimist.

Of course you are.

That means that I remember the bad stuff.

Maybe she doesn't know her latest books are bad because her brain has its fill of "bad stuff?" It can't allow anymore unpleasant knowledge in until she lets go of crap that she has no business still remembering and bitching over.

It’s the good stuff that fades for me. The positive that I have to work hard to remember.

Keep a blog so you can remember the good fo- oh wait...

Bad stuff remains carved in crystal for me. The sound of screams, the sound of metal twisting against metal, the look in someone’s eyes . . . I collect the terrible like snapshots in my mind.

And now she starts to Darkity!wank the entry up.

I take the happy moments, and part of my mind thinks, what if? What if it all went horribly wrong?

Like your books?

What if this happened, instead?

By "this" she certainly doesn't mean "plot."

My mind has worked that way almost as far back as I can remember. I was like this at five or six.

When my MOM died and MY LIFE ENDED WOE *emores*

A life time of looking at the dark, and seeing it even in the brightest sunshine. God, I’m still depressed. But it comes and goes, and as time goes on it will go more than it stays.

It'll stay until she finds another way to talk about herself and make herself sound DEEP and MEANINGFUL instead of IMMATURE and JADED.

According to everyone here, "I always feel like this after a book." How the f**ck do I stand it?

Clearly you stand it by filling your books with bad self-insert sex and pretending your career isn't closing in on the end of its life.

Comments

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Lol, I was just flogging this entry, but you beat me to it (it deserves to be flogged!!!)!

It's amazing how much she whines about this supposed "post book blues". All she ever does is whine, whine and whine and tell us she is darkity-dark. Pleeease! It's just a book! A book she didn't even like writing. She needs some real problems. Then she'll see what a depression really is like!

Great flog! ^^

[kuzunoha.livejournal.com]

But her life is SO hard. She has to write and... Pretend to edit that writing. Also she's busy with her kid she never seems to take care of... And stuff.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

When I see a blog that I want to flog, I jump on it like zombies on brains.

Then I obsessively refresh my friends page to make sure I'm not wasting my time lol

Sorry to have made you waste yours ^^;

[kuzunoha.livejournal.com]

My favorite part of the blog is her redundancy.

"I'm looking at the bad side of things because I'm a pessimist which means I look at the bad side of things."

The longer I read her blog the more I wonder what part of writing she actually LIKES. She complains and whines her way through the books. Then complains and whines when she edits them. And then once again complain and whines when they are "finished". Oh... And lets not forget the anxiety/whine/complain fest that happens when the book comes out.

Why does she write? She seems to hate it.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

I'm sure she only writes at this point because she wants the money and all the comforts it affords her. I honestly think she only blogs the way she does because she thinks it makes her look deeper and more special to her target audience. The sad thing is that I'm sure it works! When I was ten, or so, I totally would have eaten her blogs up with a spoon and tried to sound just like her in *my blog entries.

Luckily, I've matured.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Fuck has four letters now?

[naeko.livejournal.com]

You're fuucking right it has five letters! if Laurell fuucking says it does, then it fuucking does!

Speculation

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

It sounds to me like the woman has unipolar depression (http://www.psychnet-uk.com/dsm_iv/unipolar_depression.htm). With unipolar, you get very deep lows and very mild highs. Other symptoms include:

Extreme lethargy. (How many times has she said that she doesn't have any energy, or doesn't feel like doing anything?)

Disturbed sleep, early waking, difficulty getting to sleep and waking up tired after a normal night of sleep. (She's mentioned not being able to sleep a number of times, and she's ALWAYS talking about being tired.)

Permanent sense of anxiety. (I think we can agree that LKH is always tense and anxious about things, even ordinary, everyday things.)

Sensation of utter despair, hopelessness or uselessness of everything. (See also: every entry in her blog.)

Irritability and physical exhaustion. (I think that the whole "physical exhaustion" thing has been established by the tiredness and the lack of energy/will to do anything. As for irritability...she's the one who's always talking about her rage.)

The disturbance is not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition. (Well, she says she's been like this as long as she can remember--certainly since she was five or six. That doesn't sound like substance abuse or situational depression caused by a painful illness.)

Other symptoms are:

Lack of concentration. (Her entire blog is filled with posts about how she can't focus or concentrate on the books she's writing.)

Irrational fears such as fear of death, thoughts of suicide, or fear of committing suicide. (She's always talking about how things like death frighten everyone, but that she's the one who's not afraid to think about them constantly.)

And finally, the symptom that would REALLY cause problems with her writing...

Lack of sexual drive.

This makes sense. It's hard to get sexually excited when you're miserable and anxious and exhausted. And she's written herself into a corner where she HAS to produce sex scene after sex scene in not just one but two books. And everyone says that the sex in her books is going downhill. This is why. She's forcing herself to write about things she doesn't currently give a damn about.

It also explains why she likes writing about Anita more than Merry. Anita is unhappy and anxious and angry. She can understand Anita's emotions. Merry is a happier character. It's hard to write about happiness when you're in the throes of depression.

And hasn't she said that her grandmother was always worried about something and was never happy? Unipolar depression can run in families. She could have inherited this condition.

I think she'd be a thousand percent better if she were on antidepressants as well as getting therapy. But that would involve her admitting that something was physically malfunctioning.

I may be wrong. But I think it all fits.

Re: Speculation

[naeko.livejournal.com]

I agree completely with your comment!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I seriously doubt anyone who's given birth has forgotten the unpleasantness of it.


I haven't - given birth, that is - but that is exactly what my mother used to say happened.

However. OH LAURELL your EMO PAIN PAINS me with its DARK'NESS! Its darkness that, like a large black feline which is somehow a tiger, not a panther or a puma or anything black in colour, wrestles her to the ground and goes "RAAAAA!"

I actually don't doubt that she feels like shit. Big projects do take it out of you. But honestly, if she hates it this much? Has she considered that she's in the wrong profession?

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

No no, her darkness is a puppy. Maybe a bichon frise. It wrestles her to the ground and goes "YIP! Grrrrr!" and then licks her incessantly. The horror!

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Not that she doesn't say dumb shit, but yes, women do forget how much it hurts to give birth-- you vow never to do it again, then you have a baby, do it again, and wonder what the hell you were thinking. I think there's even some studies done on it and why women forget just how much pain is involved.

It's... really sad that she feels so bad after her books, but my god she's so whiny. In a professional blog, even. I don't know why, but I am shocked speechless that she'd whine like that in her professional blog.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

*horrified* How can one forget the pain of childbirth!?

I mean, I can see fuzzing it out in favor of, "OMG BABY!!!" excitement, but actually forgetting seems incredible to me.

I'm just glad I'll never give birth @_@

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Bad stuff remains carved in crystal for me. The sound of screams, the sound of metal twisting against metal, the look in someone’s eyes . . . I collect the terrible like snapshots in my mind.

Oh, boo fucking hoo. Hey, Laurell, have you ever been traumatized badly? Raped? Beaten? Lost your house to a fire? Been in a devastating car crash? Seen people die screaming? Watched a building collapse? You don't have PSTD. Go talk to someone who has been there and then decide what keeps you up at night screaming, you wankity melodramatic attention whore.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Jeez Laurell should live my life this past month

-My sister just completed a very high risk pregnancy (twins, she's 40, developed high blood pressure and gestational diabetes)
-The kids were born 2 months early and the girl had a blockage in her small intestine that had to be operated on when she was 8 days old (She's doing great now--one day later)
-A good friend of mine died of cancer at 48 yrs old leaving 4 children behind last week.

I suspect that the stress would cause the twisting metal in her soul to migrate to her brain and cause her to hemorrhage.

As for me, I'm just happy that it looks like the midgets are going to be okay after everything they've been through. I prefer to be an optimist.

[kethlenda.livejournal.com]

OK, I think the way baby amnesia actually works is that there are hormones released after birth that dull the memory of the pain, for some women. It's not like you suddenly forget the whole pregnancy, Laurell! LOL.

DARKITY DARKITY DARKITY

Something about this sentence: Today was the closest to a normal mood that I’ve had since I finished SWALLOWING DARKNESS on Saturday. makes it sound like she's the one who's blowing Doyle. Which, in her head, I'm sure she is. But gee, wouldn't that be a sign that it's a crappy title?

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

I either want to drag her to a doctor for happy pills or tell her to get a new career because she is obviously so bloody unhappy at her current one. I can't remember a blog entry that she actually sounded happy writing, or in which the process of writing did not trigger some emo-maudlin drivel. My gods.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Well, most doctors will only give you happy pills if you actually have clinical depression. Being darkity-dark is not yet recognized as a type of depression. LOL.

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I can't think of anything to say about LKH except "Damn, she's annoying." She acts like she's the only one that is ever depressed. It's actually a pretty common disorder.

[bleedtoblue.livejournal.com]

*holds head to keep it from exploding* I love the flog, but reading LKH always makes my head hurt.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

*hands you aspirin*

[snipervalentine.livejournal.com]

if I were her editor or her publishing house, this kind of constant, negative, public whining shit would seriously piss me off.

It's fucking easy, Laurell. You don't like to write? STOP. Given your skills set, I'm sure you could find a suitable replacement career in either the food service or housekeeping industries. ;-)

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I heart you for quoting Ghostbusters.

[entheogeneric.livejournal.com]

One of the reasons Trinity is an only child is that I never got that rose colored glow about the process of how little human beings get here.


WHAT. THE. FUCK.

every other blog entry she manages to work in some hint (or, in this case, glaringly obvious statement) about her resentment towards her daughter. I'm not even a mother and this totally offends me.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

I am a mother and ... Yep, it's still totally offensive. This is another blog entry I hope somehow disappears before Trinity reads it.

[rosencrantz23.livejournal.com]

Okay, Let's compare Lil' Miss Darkity-Whine to another author who routinely doubts his writing ability book to book. Watch how Dave Drake handles things in his last newsletter (read the full thing here (http://david-drake.com/newsarchive/news45.html).):

"Anybody who's seen one of these newsletters before knows that I worry about things. Right now I'm worrying that SKY [his latest novel] will put readers to sleep, that I've lost all the skills I used to have, and that folks would find their local phone book more exciting.
Actually, I've probably said those very words before. You may think I'm being very silly, and intellectually _I_ think I'm being very silly. But it's honest to goodness how I feel."

Let's see, Drake *HAS* PTSD (being drafted into the Armored Cav during Vietnam -- and then serving as part of the interrogations crew -- will do that to a guy). He's still managed to publish more than 60 books, edit a slew more, and write a whole buncha short stories since his first sale back in 1975.

Hm. The guy with excuses and massive self doubts manages to continually plow through them and produce quality material (though I'll grant, they're not the easiest read in the world. Drake "saw the elephant," and some of his books read like he was exorcising his demons). The chickie-poo with no excuse other than her lack of inspiration routinely stalls out writing her dreck, which read more like her living out vicariously through her characters than anything that resembles realism (emotional or physical).

Conclusion? shut the damn hell up about your problems, Laurell, and either find a way to work through it, or find a new job.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

This woman needs a dose of reality followed by a pharmaceutical regime prescribed by a doctor.

I went through childbirth and golly-gee I didn't forget it. I can describe the pain in detail and I remember the agony quite clearly, thank you very much. But ya know, having my son was TOTALLY WORTH IT. I would do it again in a heartbeat because there are some things in this world that don't come easy and mean more because of it. Yes childbirth hurts (*eyeroll* that she feels this is a news flash). But, it is empowering too -- to know that you CAN do this -- and unless you've had a baby you probably don't know what I mean, I guess. LOL I don't mean to sound crazy, Laurell just sends me sometimes. :) Anyway, being a pessimist is one thing and I know plenty of moms that will tell you childbirth sucks. lmao Not having one good thing to say about the birth of your child is another. Holy crap, I do NOT understand Laurell.

Maybe I am crazy, but I think a little pain can be good for you. Sometimes things are worth having and are worth doing that don't get handed to you on a silver platter. It's the experiences I've had that come literally from blood, sweat and tears that I appreciate the most.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

I'm not a mother, but I hear you. Some things are worth it. Having children is actually one of them. I don't know how painful it actually is, granted, but no woman knows for sure, although they already know it WILL be painful and that doesn't stop most of them of having children. I also do not understand Laurell.

Here is what I was going to write in my flog of this entry, about that particular sentence of hers:
Of course, every other woman in the planet is deluded. Every other girl is, OMG!, girly and sees life through a "rose colored glow". But Laurell, the macho man, sees things clearly.

It would never occur to her that women, while suffering the pains of childbirth, don't really care if they go through it again because they love their husbands, their family and they want to have more kids, would it? It never entered her mind to think that maybe women do remember how it is to be pregnant and have children (it's not something you forget), but they choose to have more children despite knowing all this? It's a type of courage Laurell doesn't seem to have.

Nooo, Laurell is waaaaay, too darkity-dark for that. Thus, she is the only truly enlightened woman in the world. Her contempt for women and their view of the world is notorious here. It's clear she wanted to be born a man. Well, Laurell, there are always sex changes...

:p

[spittingfish.livejournal.com]

You know, people keep saying that Laurell needs to find a new job but I just keep seeing her at like a department store, taking a break in the back room with her feet up bitching and moaning. "Oh this customer came in and was offended because a woman with luscious curves was assisting her boy with breasts body!" Then someone else would just roll her eyes and be like, "Yep, that's the reason."

I'm just saying, I don't think she would change job to job. This would probably all carry over into whatever profession she chose, the only reason she's sticking with this one is that she's Prima freaking Donna of her own life. Who'd want to give that up? And, gosh darnit, if she has to write a couple (or more) crappy sex scenes then so help her! (and us)

[naeko.livejournal.com]

Oh definitely; she'll probably always be exactly the way she is. I know I personally bitch ALL THE TIME at work, even at the job that entails flogging blogs and watching movies with my friends for 6/8 hours.

But, there's still a valid point in the all the, "if you hate what you're doing STOP DOING IT." comments. The difference between her and most others, though, is that she -can- financially stop, even if it's only to take a break. I'm stuck working 6 graveyard shifts a week across two jobs and, dammit, I'm going to bitch to my heart's content XD

[longtail.livejournal.com]

Despair still nips at my heels, but it’s more like some yappy ankle biting dog. A few days back despair was more like a huge tiger that threw me to the ground and savaged me. It felt like a kind of death.

And the award for Best Melodrama goes to...LAURELL K. HAMILTON for her blog: Despair!

I said, "This feels worse than usual." Jon and Darla both, separately, said, "You always say that." Every emotion I’ve had, no matter how dark, they all individually confirmed, "You always do that." Hmm.

Sounds like even the cheer squad get sick of her sometimes.

Seriously woman, write a series you like or get a new job all together if you hate it so much. Better yet, before you decide that, get some therapy and some pills first!

[coffeehouse.livejournal.com]

WAit, so Jon is 33???

33 - the MAJICK NUMBER

[cherose.livejournal.com]

sounds like it's about time for her to turn *HIM* in on a younger model, no?

-,'-,'-,'--@

[ever-obsessed.livejournal.com]

The way she phrased this makes me want to poke her emotions with a stick and giggle.
How about a 2x4?

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

The way she phrased this makes me want to poke her emotions with a stick and giggle.
How about a 2x4?
I think a cattle prod, personally.

Why she pisses people off

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I wrote my thoughts here, upthread (http://community.livejournal.com/lkh_lashouts/393248.html?thread=13673248#t13673248) on LKH and depression. I've seen several people extremely pissed off at her on comments in this entry. These are people who've dealt with fucked up shit. I'm someone who's dealt with fucked up shit and that blog annoyed the fuck out of me even as I find myself thinking the woman COULD have chronic depression and not know it, and not be allowed to seek help via her assistants for fear she'll stop being the money train.

And looking at the post again and one particular comment thread, I think I know why. This journal witchwillow and my iJay are public journals about how I struggle with chronic depression, PTSD and a couple other diagnoses. I journal about my ups and downs and leave it open in case someone finds it and it makes them feel less alone.

BUT I DO NOT USE PURPLE PROSE TO DESCRIBE HOW I'M FEELING.

I may use analogies - "I'm feeling so stressed it's like I'm third in line to get my head plunged in cold water." But I don't try to make feeling like crap sound pretty. If I want to write poetry, I'll write poetry. But if I'm writing about how I'm feeling, I write about how I'm feeling. I'm honest about it. And I try to be honest about what I think is causing it or about how I haven't thought of what's causing it yet.

Despair still nips at my heels, but it’s more like some yappy ankle biting dog. A few days back despair was more like a huge tiger that threw me to the ground and savaged me. It felt like a kind of death.

The above statement? Isn't honest. If she felt mauled by life and so depressed she felt physically wounded? Her ass should have been in-patient and anyone who didn't take her in-patient or to see a doctor was involving themselves in gross negligence that could lead to manslaughter.

So here we all are trying to figure out if the woman realizes (very likely not) how shittastic she's being to people who do deal with feelings such as that, daily; People who have to make deals with their therapists and their friends NOT to kill themselves; to call someone first, to write a journal entry, etc. SOMETHING.

But she gets to sit there and write about it and make it sound PRETTY. And that's why I think so many of us have absolutely no respect for the woman and why it's more angering to believe she is DEPRESSED, cause for someone who talks about 'not being a traditional woman' and 'taking the guy role' she sure as fuck is wafting about like there should be a Prozac Shining Knight come to make it all the fuck better.

Re: Why she pisses people off

[ana-beachcombe.livejournal.com]

Well said.

A few days ago I found a poem I wrote while in my emo teenager phase. It sounded a lot like that blog entry: oozing self-pity while managing to sound incredibly self-congratulatory at the same time.
It certainly didn't make me feel any sympathy for my poor sad-panda past self.

Funnily enough, I remember thinking "thank gods I stopped whining and grew a frigging spine". Just like everyone here thinks LKH should do.