Blood Noir Chapters Two - Four: Sex Ed. From Hell

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

Sorry about the long wait between chapters. My internet has decided to torment me, playing little games which make me wish I wasn’t so dependant upon this particular modern torture At any rate, on with the snarking.

 

So we begin with chapter two, which starts LKH’s particular specialty: endless sex. Anita mostly lies placid within Nathaniel’s arms, or writhes and screams. Either way, she doesn’t seem to be contributing much to the sex, making it seem as if Nathaniel and Jason are masturbating with a giant blown-up doll.

 

One thing that bothers me about this three chapter sex scene, is that chapters are incredibly short. Chapter three is only two pages, the other two are not much longer. While I have no problem with the writer alternating the length of chapters to help with the flow of the story, I do it myself, I really don’t see the point with this particular scene. It’s all one scene, yet LKH has broken it up into three small chapters. Why? The only reason I can come up with is that LKH wanted the grand glory of having a sex scene last three chapters. But since her sex scene are really just copy and pasted from book to book, with few alterations made, it must have been more then a stretch (literally) to make this happen. So she splits it up, which only adds to the mess. The sex scene alone bogs down the story, everything completely stops just to allow LKH to write more bad erotica. Breaking it into tiny chapters only halts the action even more, what little action is occurring at any rate.

 

I’ve seen users and others comment about the disturbing change in Nathaniel. The Sub Who Can’t Say No suddenly morphs into the Dom With A Growling Bass. I’m not familiar with how BDSM works, and I’m not sure if it is possible for such an extreme submissive like Nathaniel to turn into a super-Dom...however I know that for LKH, whether this works in BDSM or not doesn’t matter to her. Really, it’s a dues ex machina moment for her.

 

The last book ended with Nathaniel complaining that Anita doesn’t satisfy his BDSM needs, and wanted her to dominate him and tie him up. Anita wasn’t comfortable with this, proof again that LKH really isn’t the dark queen of BDSM like she wants us to think. Nathaniel gave Anita a choice, either she meets his needs as his lover, or he’s going to look elsewhere. And God/Diety knows that any man that has tasted the DoomCrotch is forever forbidden to have any other woman. In order to deal with this, LKH suddenly switches Nathaniel sexual preference, turns him into a Dom, and now Anita doesn’t have to deal with the discomfort of trying to top him. Whether this can actually happen in BDSM is not the issue, this little maneuver was only done to ensure that Anita doesn’t have to do something that was proving to be a big issue, and Nathaniel doesn’t leave the harem of the DoomCrotch. It’s a ploy that could’ve worked, if all the readers were idiots.

 

LKH begins with Jason giving Anita oral, while Nathaniel holds her...tightly. She repeats the word ‘tight’, in case readers didn’t get it the first million times. Anita screams and writhes again and again. She screams at the ‘lightest touch’, while Jason’s eyes cause her to ‘tighten down below.’ I don’t understand this. Prolonged intense stimulus of any sort, both pain and pleasure, eventually causes someone to become numb. The intensity loses it’s potency, and in order to achieve the same results, one would have to ‘up the voltage’ so to speak. Considering that Anita is getting pounded 24/7 by multiple enormous ‘members’, she shouldn’t be able to walk, much less be able to feel anything down below. At this point, only the gentle ministrations of a jackhammer would be able to ‘tighten’ her.

 

After a bone-cracking orgasm, Jason and Anita move to the couch. Anita is flat on her back...again, while Jason ‘shoves’ and ‘pounds’ her. Now there was a whole little spiel about how the missionary position on the bed ‘kills the soul’. Anita’s sex shenanigans mostly revolve around the missionary position on the bed. Again we find them in the missionary position, but I’m guessing that for LKH, the couch adds that extra bit of spice that keeps such a boring vanilla position from killing the soul. Nathaniel holds Anita’s hands, which is actually a smart move since Anita tries to kill any man that screws her by ‘clawing’ them to death.

 

Next, it’s Nathaniel’s turn. I know, I know...this was supposed to help Jason...but the power of the DoomCrotch is that one doesn’t even have to be involved in actual intercourse in order to receive it’s bounty. LKH gives us about a page explaining the handcuffs on the bed, and how uber-awesome and dark that is. I’m betting that the handcuffs have that neat little ‘TRIPP’ label that all Hot Topic items have on them.

 

LKH then gives us the darkity goff passage of the scene. She explains her views on BDSM, and how uber goffick and dark it is.  And how uber dark and goffick Nathaniel’s lilac eyes had gone:

 

There was something...dangerous in that look. It was one of the highs of BDSM, that possibility of disaster and pain.

 

...part of the game was that you looked into your lover’s eyes and let him see, that you saw the darkness in them. That you saw the potential for...evil...

 

This little bit is...just...words fail me at the moment. Looking into your lover’s eyes in an intimate moment, and seeing the potential murderer/rapist/pedophile inside. Yes, I’d love to be getting cozy with my intimate other, contemplating the potential for fucking killing children in the darkness in their eyes. I know LKH really didn’t mean this, she’s just trying to be darkity dark. But writing about the potential for ‘evil’ is opening the door for a whole level of wrong can be interpreted in a completely different direction then just plain ‘goffick darkity darkness.' 

She ties the whole thing to BDSM. While I am far from an expert on BDSM, I don’t think that it’s all about people being monsters and letting out this inner evil. Someone can argue that BDSM is perverse, but at the end of the day it boils down to a sexual preference: a kink if you will. Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz. I don’t think that BDSM is about people being evil, or this inner evil and darkness that LKH seems to have in spades. People who are into that lifestyle are just like everyone else, they aren’t more evil or dark then others. To be honest, this little passage seems a bit insulting, however I’m certain LKH is not trying to give BDSM a bad name. She’s just trying to be dark and goffick...

 

In reality, I’ve seen darker shit off of My Little Ponies.

Comments

[ninjacooter.livejournal.com]

What a tight, wet hot tranny mess.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

It's spilling everywhere.

[ninjacooter.livejournal.com]

Thank god there are response teams for Hazmat cleanup. http://www.amxcompanies.com/

[imaginatrix.livejournal.com]

Or more like loose enough to park an 18 wheeler wet hot tranny mess... :P

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

Since when was Tranny an acceptable derogatory term in this comm?

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

When it's a Project Runway quote?

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I don't watch Project Runway. Could never get into it. Still, NOTE TO SELF: Project Runway. Transphobic and promoting it in convenient sound bytes.

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't call the show or the utterer of said sound byte transphobic, but it's the sort of thing that's runs a high risk of making a stir if said out of context.

Although I had an excellent drink at a gay bar called a Hot Tranny Mess, so maybe not.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

How is this possibly two chapters long? I couldn't make this two pages long, even if I whipped out all my best adjectives and employed them twice a sentence.

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

You forgot all the commas!

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

Hell, yeah, that'll add at least a full two paragraphs' worth of space right there . . . XD

I am so never reading this book. But the flogging is great.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

I *believe* those are also the chapters where we learn that Anita's safeword is "enough" and that Jason and Nathaniel have no qualms about ignoring it.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that seems to be the dumbest safe-word I've come across...and I know practically nothing about BDSM.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

It's the dumbest safeword in the history of ever, but more appalling to me is J&N acknowledging it that it's her safeword and still continuing whatever the hell it was they were doing to her (I've blocked that bit out of my memory).

These are also the chapters that feature someone ramming Anita's cervix with their penis which causes her to have the biggest orgasm in the history of the world. I bet she's a BLAST when she gets a pap smear.

[easol.livejournal.com]

"It's the dumbest safeword in the history of ever,"

When the subject of safewords comes up, all I can think of is "The Office" and "foliage"!

"but more appalling to me is J&N acknowledging it that it's her safeword and still continuing whatever the hell it was they were doing to her"

Well, if you don't give consent then you can't be considered a slut in the Anitaverse. Consensual sex is something only slutty people do.

"which causes her to have the biggest orgasm in the history of the world."

Doesn't she do that in every single book?

"I bet she's a BLAST when she gets a pap smear."

Gah, can you imagine the poor doctor who is trying to do their job while this crazy woman is writhing and shrieking and having backcracking orgasms and occasionally tearing the foam out of the table?

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

I bet there's a whole psychotherapy industry built around gynes she's traumatized.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

*rolls eyes* Yeah. Mt husband, who is well-endowed, has hit my cervix a few times, and the sensation it produces is more painful than wonderful. It's more like "EEEEEEP, WTF is that?"

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Inasmuch as even the most basic BDSM 101 website will say, "Your safeword should be something weird and jarring", it's a phenomenally stupid safeword. When it comes to Nathaniel/Jason ignoring the safe word ... well, the fact that it then basically becomes rape aside (because we all know how sensitive LKH is to consent issues!) it can also get fucking dangerous, especially doing anything like choke-play.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I thought that BDSM involved deep trust in your partner, not evil.

[spittingfish.livejournal.com]

I’m betting that the handcuffs have that neat little ‘TRIPP’ label that all Hot Topic items have on them.

HAHA! I work at Hot Topic and that was my FIRST thought. I was like, ah, Laurell, you're one of those customers I hate. Coming into my store with your bad self, "excuse me, I need my darkity-dark-dark needs met."

Oh I'm sorry, we're flat out of commas at the moment. Can I interest you in some fluffy black handcuffs?

And no, it is not possible for a sub to become so completely dom. Trained into that maybe, but it wouldn't be near as pleasurable as experience for them.

[watersheerie.livejournal.com]

Not only would LKH need such darkity dark dark needs met at a Hot Topic, but first she would have to have her bodyguard clear out the store to ensure that there are no jealous haters of her books in there waiting to slap her.

She would waltz in with Jon on a leash, wearing her trademark clown-like make-up of powder white with bright red lipstick that emphasizes how withered and thin her lips have gotten, along with enough eye-liner to supply a Wal-mart for ten years. Also, the darkity dark dark goffick clothing of complete black, as it shows how black and dark her soul is...black as a starless, moonless night. Black as the deepest depths of the sea. Black as the abyss that lies between Anita's legs.

Then she would throw a temper tantrum when she discovers that the Hot Topic does not have black leather corsets in XXXXXL with gun holsters in the back...just like Anita would wear. Later that night, she would write an angry blog about how mean everyone was at the Hot Topic, and how the deep bubbling well of rage inside of her is sooooooo overwhelming. And writing book is soooooo hard when she can't find the right kind of fishnet thigh-highs.

[dbexx.livejournal.com]

This made me laugh very hard.

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

I dunno, I'd disagree.
If someone's personality changed enough, maybe.
I'm a Switch, so I like either.
I think she also kinda forgets about the difference between tops and bottoms.
Or she just has no clue.
Yeah, I'm betting on that :P

[easol.livejournal.com]

I'd say the last. She's pretty much said a thousand times that Nathaniel is an uberbottom, but I cannot recall anything about being a switch.

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

I'm so tempted to mail her:
The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy
and
The Loving Dominant by John Warren and Libby Warren

But I know if I did, it'd still go horribly wrong and make me wanna bleach out my eyeballs.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we'd probably get a megasized sex scene to show off what she learned from the books.... and then she'd get it wrong!

[spittingfish.livejournal.com]

But how has Nate changed? Honestly? I mean, my guess is that she's just ignorant. *sigh* What happened to that research?

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's a huge range of BDSM calendars available....

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

She screams all the frickin' time! I think her bonk buddies should invest in earplugs, or safety phones, before they pop a drum.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's part of the sheer monotony of her sex scenes. It's never sigh, moan, or giggle or any other noises you can make during sex. Nothing that might indicate the participants are having, oh, fun. No, it's scream like a cat in a woodchipper.

After all, Sex iz Serius Bizness.

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

like a cat in a woodchipper

LMAO!

[easol.livejournal.com]

"After all, Sex iz Serius Bizness."

And it's not fun. Never fun. Only sluts have fun during sex, but Good Girls With Harems must have volcanic orgasms, punctured spleens, and lots of earsplitting shrieks.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

After a while, I'm sure even the volcanic orgasms get boring.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Anita is way too manly to sigh or giggle. :p

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

And moaning?

[ravynwolf.livejournal.com]

Lololololololol...

Our dark gothity queen is a 'tard.

Christ, you'd think she'd have at least an idea about what BDSM is before going off on it like this. You do not see the potential for evil in your domme/dom, its about trust! Its about...


...wait...

...we're talking LKH here.

Nevermind.

[easol.livejournal.com]

"She ties the whole thing to BDSM. While I am far from an expert on BDSM, I don’t think that it’s all about people being monsters and letting out this inner evil. Someone can argue that BDSM is perverse, but at the end of the day it boils down to a sexual preference: a kink if you will. Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz. I don’t think that BDSM is about people being evil, or this inner evil and darkness that LKH seems to have in spades. People who are into that lifestyle are just like everyone else, they aren’t more evil or dark then others. To be honest, this little passage seems a bit insulting, however I’m certain LKH is not trying to give BDSM a bad name. She’s just trying to be dark and goffick..."

I think it's part of her own turn-ons, and she's trying to tie it to something she THINKS is so dark and edgy and utterly scawwy. Perhaps she doesn't see why a person would simply like it, rather than it being an expression of inner darkity-darkness.

Remember, this is the woman who practically salivates over assassins and serial killers in her books. If she considers BDSM to be a way of getting in touch with your inner evil -- and she's actually a rather vanilla person, I wouldn't be surprised if she thought that -- then I'm not surprised she's enamored of the trappings.

I'm not into BSDM, but I suspect I know way more about it than she does. (Partly courtesy of Wilma, bless you!)

[easol.livejournal.com]

I just noticed that I used the word "it" too much when there are two different "its" apparent.

"I think it's part of her own turn-ons,"

By which I mean the whole darkity-dark evil-in-the-eyes crap.

"Perhaps she doesn't see why a person would simply like it,"

It being BDSM.

[kethlenda.livejournal.com]

Anita’s sex shenanigans mostly revolve around the missionary position on the bed.

No wonder she has no soul anymore!

[krss.livejournal.com]

LOL! This was so funny. The flog, I mean.

>>> Considering that Anita is getting pounded 24/7 by multiple enormous
>>> ‘members’, she shouldn’t be able to walk, much less be able to feel
>>> anything down below. At this point, only the gentle ministrations of a
>>> jackhammer would be able to ‘tighten’ her.

I burst out laughing at the gentle ministrations of a jackhammer. XD

>>> Again we find them in the missionary position, but I’m guessing that
>>> for LKH, the couch adds that extra bit of spice that keeps such a
>>> boring vanilla position from killing the soul.

Oh yes.. that detail oughtta save their souls! I can't believe she didn't notice she was contradicting herself within a few pages of the srs declaration.

LKH might have made something erotic out of seeing the evil in the other's eyes during sex, if she hadn't labeled it BDSM and if she had had the ability to write erotica.

>>> In reality, I’ve seen darker shit off of My Little Ponies.

You mean this (http://wiki.fandomwank.com/index.php/My_Ponies_Hate_You)? =P

[easol.livejournal.com]

Hee hee, because everybody knows the couch is MEGAKINKY! And if you want to really be wild... THE COMFY CHAIR!

[beloved828.livejournal.com]

Oh noes! Not the Comfy Chair! You're just sick, Easol! Sick and twisted and FAR too kinky for me or anyone else here. *cowers*

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

I think her head would explode....

[jamoche]

I get the impression that her idea of D/s owes more to wolf pack dynamics than to human behaviour.

Make that "her idea of wolf pack dynamics".

[beloved828.livejournal.com]

At this point, only the gentle ministrations of a jackhammer would be able to ‘tighten’ her. = win. I demand brain-bleach for that visual, though. ^_^

What LKH doesn't know about BDSM could fill The Marianas Trench(or the Doomcrotch, because apparently,nothing can fill that). I'm not an expert, but I do know some stuff. I won't go into my experiences or how I learned, since this is public and such, I hope you guys understand. ^_~ BDSM is about trust, respect, and control. You trust and respect your partner enough to give them the control over you, or you trust and respect your partner enough to take control over them without breaking their boundaries. Safe-words are just that: words to say to your partner that will stop the session cold. Anyone that doesn't stop when they are given the safe-word will never get asked to "play" again, and may be committing rape or assault. "Safe, Sane and Consensual" is really the basis of a BDSM relationship, or it should be. Nothing should happen that could do lasting harm, or that ANYONE participating doesn't want. I love that LKH talks about it in her blogs, yet we have never seen ANY of that in any of her books. It's like she knows what she should be saying, but she just doesn't care enough to get it right.

What BDSM isn't is what LKH shows us over and over again:safe-words being ignored, people being taken sexually against their wills, being physically or emotionally injured, and being truly afraid for their lives during a scene. That's not BDSM, that's assault and is ILLEGAL. It's not about "seeing the potential for evil" in your partner and being truly afraid. It might be about the illusion of fear, or the possibility that something bad could happnen, but not the belief that they would hurt you. That's not a "high". That's scary and wrong, and it's beliefs like that that make outsiders view those in the BDSM community with scorn and disgust. BDSM also isn't just having a pair of Velcro hand-cuffs from Hot Topic on your headboard, or doing modified missonary on the couch, or keeping high-heels on during the act, or even having group sex. Those are kinks, and kinks alone aren't BDSM. I guess there just weren't any decent BDSM fun facts and pictures calendars on sale at Day by Day.

There are "switches", who like to top and be topped, but most people truly enjoy one or the other. Nathaniel is a submissive. His need to be topped might not come from a good place, but he still needs to be topped in order to feel safe and to be happy. I highly doubt that Nathaniel would go from begging Anita to top him or threatening to find someone who will to topping Anita to get off. It could be a start on the road of acceptance, but it certainly wouldn't "deeply satisfy" him, as Anita put it. He'd still need to be topped to be fulfilled. I see it as just more of the same, narrow-minded view: Any BDSM is fine as long as it's BDSM. That's like saying that you'd be fulfilled by eating a protein bar when you're starving because that's all you can get to eat. Sure, its "food", but it won't really do the job. Or like saying that for a lesbian, any woman is fine just so long as she's a woman. I wouldn't be surprised if LKH thinks that's true, too.


LKH only deals in extremes when it comes to BDSM. Either it's way over the top assault, or its just vanilla sex with a twist. It's certainly never right, and it's always a "typical" outsider's view. She puts any kink under the "BDSM" heading and leaves it there. She only says that it's "BDSM" to be darkity goth. God, that lady pisses me off. I also cannot get the picture of Jon Velcro-cuffed to Laurita's Ikea headboard out of my mind.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Let's not forget about the unforgettable part where Jason and Nathaniel discuss wether they should take off Anita's shoes or not, before Jason goes down on her.

That entire sex scene was yawn inducing. :p

EDIT: About the handcuffs... aren't they widely used nowadays? Even by people who aren't into BDSM? Just asking.

Hi! Commenting six months after the fact to say:

[amblinwiseass.livejournal.com]

the unforgettable part where Jason and Nathaniel discuss wether they should take off Anita's shoes or not, before Jason goes down on her

What, they were getting in the way?

Re: Hi! Commenting six months after the fact to say:

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Apparently they were. I can't be sure, but I think Jason mentioned that having pointy heels, they could hurt him or something.

This from the guy who goes through a painful transformation at least once a month. And... aren't they all into pain, anyway? I mean they're all Anita's boyfriends anyway...:p