PodFlog Sounds Dirtier than It Should

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

Podcast of Darkety-Darkness You can follow along if you wanna. But I don't think you wanna.

First off, after listening to this whole thing, I can say only this: you guys had better love me. Not just Internet love. I mean real love, with money. I have an Amazon wishlist. Get crackin'.

Minor spoilers for future books, but LHK didn't consider them "spoilers" so you're probably safe enough.

Intro: Wow, it's like Shonen Knife covered "I Wanna Be Sedated." No, wait, Shonen Knife did cover "I Wanna Be Sedated" and it was much better than this. What is this soft-core surf-punk shit?

Jon and Laurell come on and they're playing swapsies with their sentences. He starts them, she finishes them. Just the way the novels get written. [Note from quizzicalsphinx's attorney: No suggestion that Ms. Hamilton does not write her own novels is implied here.]

Laurell and her attachment begin by saying that they're trying a "new format" for this podcast--by which they are "just winging it". They begin by taking a few questions. The first is from a fan who visited a Black Dahlia website and was curious enough to look at the famously gruesome autopsy photos. Her question to Laurell: in the course of researching your books, do you have to look at these kinds of pictures regularly? How do you avoid nightmares? The answer is that Laurell doesn't do research does look at these photos for researching her serial killers. She acknowledges the people who must deal with such crime scenes in real life, and confesses that, when the research gets to be too much, she bundles up her research material and tells Jon to hide it somewhere that she can't find it. Explains so much, doesn't it?

She also confesses that the police "recently" caught a serial killer about whom she knew nothing--I think she may be referring to BTK--because "let's face it, guys: I just write about this stuff. I'm not a cop; I'm not trying to catch these guys. I don't need to know all of it. I just need to know enough to write well about it." Um. Then you've failed. Go read more. Make Jon give your books back.

Hang on, I need to dump more bourbon in my tea if I want to see this thing through.

Question Two: "Several people on the forum are wondering how the title Blood Noir ties in with the book." Laurell briefly forgets what number book this is in the series--Jon reminds her--but admits that, after eight or nine books, she ran out of titles. She also pronounces "noir" as "noor". This is like fingernails on the blackboard of my French-loving soul. Marmee Noor. God help us all. "And also," she concludes cheerfully, "it's just a cool two words."

Future books will likewise no longer be named after businesses, because she's having trouble coming up with names "that just don't sound silly". Because Swallowing Darkness is just so elegant.

STOP SAYING NOOR.

Jon--I can only imagine the courtesy-laugh I just heard in his voice--pipes in with "that's kinda interesting", and then encourages Laurell to get back on the real reason we all came here: stuff about herself! "I feel like saying 'read the blog'," says Laurell, "but I will bow to you guys's request on this." Swallowing Darkness just went to her editors. She has editors!? "I have a list of things, having sent it off, that I know I need to change or need to add." Meaning that we as readers will have an even longer list of necessary edits once the book is actually published. She is on page 300+ of the as-yet-untitled new Anita book and is promising "huge spoilers". Edward is back, as is Olaf and Bernardo, and currently Anita and her gang are surrounded by were-tigers. Oh, woman, don't get my hopes up.

New in the Fanclub shop: show your lycanth-loyalty with one of the cool new tiger, leopard, or wolf pins available! Darla likes them so you will too! There will also be new designs in the tee-shirt shop, which I misheard as "nude designs" in the tee-shirt shop. Could be either, could be both. You never know with this woman.

Aw, shit, more questions now. Am I out of bourbon already? Time to hit the vodka.

Can a were-lycanthrope be raised as a zombie? Even Laurell doesn't sound like she gives a damn about this question; she wastes a lot of breath to say, in essence, yes.

Why does Doyle only have one nipple pierced but both ears pierced? JESUS THE JEW, WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THAT? Laurell's response: "Because it never occurred to me to make him have two." Ask a stupid question . . . Laurell also admits, heh-heh, that sometimes she forgets about that pesky nipple-ring. Otherwise Merry would play with it more.

Should I be taking these Seconals on top of all that vodka I just had? No, wait, sorry. That was my question; that's not in the podcast.

Jon talks about the pencil work being finished for Issues #1 and #2 of The Laughing Corpse comic book. Issue #1 will be out in October. This is, seriously, the only real "news" so far.

Laurell: "I forgot to mention that Swallowing Darkness will be coming out on November 4th, on Election Day, to give you something to read while you wait in line to vote for whoever."

Jon: "Only in the US, though. Because Election Day is different from country to country."

Laurell: "Well, sor-ry, I forgot about all those readers in other countries. But yes. It will be Election Day here in the US." Well all those other damn heathen Commies just better conform.

Vague ramblings re: Swallowing Darkness. If you squint, you can just make out the Celtic mythology.

Announcing contest winners. Describing the prizes: Anita Blake iPod Nano covers! Laurell apologises for mispronouncing the name of a winner. No apology forthcoming for the whole "noor" thing.

And now . . . Laurell K. Hamilton Reads a Random Sticky Note Off the Wall! This is live podcasting at its finest, y'all. "Don't forget about Elizabeth--what's she doing?" Why haven't we seen Elizabeth in a while? Because Anita can't stand competition she's irritating to work with! "As a writer, she just gets in my way!" Suggestion: kill the bitch off. Kill a lot of these bitches off. Kill the title bitch off. Instead, Elizabeth has been traded off to another pard in another city and we'll never hear from her again except for a brief mention on page 450 of the next book in the series. Frankly, I envy Elizabeth right now. She escaped. I hope she's doing well for herself.

Outro music, and it's over.

Gosh, I'm sleepy now. I wonder why . . .

Comments

[tooimpurenangel.livejournal.com]

You have my utmost admiration for managing to sit through that drivel and not puncturing your tympanic membrane....

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

I'm rocking out to Led Zep in order to purge myself.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

So, has anyone ever heard her try to pronounce macabre?

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

Probably she pronounces it about the same way I did when I was seven and first encountered the word in The Phantom Tollbooth.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

it's almost as funny as hearing her pronounce "noir" :)

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

I had no idea there were podcasts. I'm sad that I now have that knowledge.

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

LOL, Jon really likes to say the word "nifty".

And I laughed every time LKH tried to say "noir". Her explanation for titling the book Blood Noir was so comprehensive! "The words just sounded cool together". Mmm hmm, all righty. I knew it was gonna be deep.

[sarah-k-o-m.livejournal.com]

Nifty is a good word though. *Loves 'Nifty'*

I know. That just drives me crazy. I'm a title freak personally so that has me chomping at the bit. Ugh!

[evareia.livejournal.com]

Jon: "Only in the US, though. Because Election Day is different from country to country."

I'm so glad Jon cleared that up, because I can just imagine legions of LKH fans overseas going to their local voting stations and demanding to cast a ballot because Her Royal Gawthness declared Nov. 4 election day. *eyeroll*

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

IT IS LIKE A CITIZENSHIP TEST FOR MORONS.

[prettyfate.livejournal.com]

::bow:: you are my hero

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

I want Were-shrimp!

Hopefully, she'll run out of the 'cool' animals at this rate and resort to that.

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

:O I want were-earwigs.

[wellowned.livejournal.com]

why does she sound so pissed that someone's asking her to say what she's doing now?

also, the little bit of french in me died when she said noor. *STABBITY*

jesus. and what she's saying about not naming the books after places??? OH MY GOD. seriously. she's talking about how stupid it would be?? half the places i know have retarded names. ear xtacy. grateful threads. august moon and asiatique and the back door and.... COME ON. PLACES HAVE STUPID NAMES. if you have a thing, keep it. it was really that nod between author and reader.

[apis-mellifera.livejournal.com]

...the new Merry book is out in NOVEMBER?

Just fucking shoot me now, because if the publisher just now got it, there's no fucking way that reviewers are going to get ARCs in time. I am currently reading books that are coming out in October and will be reading November titles in two weeks.

/wrists

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Clearly this is part of her cunning plan.

[mhalachaiswords.livejournal.com]

I got to STOP SAYING NOOR. and then I lost it. Thank you so much for taking the hit on this for the rest of us. A lovely flog.

[waterdragon91.livejournal.com]

You know, for a lady with French vampires, she could invest some time in trying to at least get the pronunciation right in the language ):<. I remember reading...I think it was Cerulean Sins and Jean Claude said something in French and it was just wrong ):. Google translator is not the answer.

LKH makes me sad ):

[easol.livejournal.com]

That's why one friend of mine made HER vampire English.

[lucky-ninja.livejournal.com]

"And also," she concludes cheerfully, "it's just a cool two words."

*headdesk*

Laurita, no wonder you dislike fanfiction. I've seen better title rationales from 12-year-old crackfic writers. Not that I've thought you were particularly smart since that 'Jason Pollock' incident but...damn, woman.

and currently Anita and her gang are surrounded by were-tigers

Her new toys are the weretigers, hm? Replacements for the wereleopards, who, in turn, were replacements for the werewolves? Not that I liked any of the leopards (they were all dysfunctional, needy, and annoying as hell), but the fake Chinese weretigers she's come up are LAME.

I miss the werewolves something chronic.

;_;

[easol.livejournal.com]

Wonder which carnivore she'll be infatuated with next.

[christraven.livejournal.com]

Your money orders are in the mail. The first one is for your wishlist, the second one is for therapy. I listened to about maybe five minutes, and almost took a hammer to my skull. Jon's voice makes me want to punchy-punchy.

she bundles up her research material and tells Jon to hide it somewhere that she can't find it.
My guess would be that after a while, Jon forgets where she puts her 'research' material, too.

Laurell also admits . . . sometimes she forgets about that pesky nipple-ring.
**Insert obligatory rant about having detailed character notes here**

Swallowing Darkness just went to her editors.
A likely story. People claim Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster exist, but there's no solid proof of them either!

I need to dump more bourbon in my tea
Try ouzo. It might work better if the bourbon doesn't seem to be cutting the pain.

First class flog here (and yes, 'podflog' sounds delightfully dirty), and I salute your bravery for this one. This comm needs to come up with some kind of Purple Heart or something for the people who put their sanity on the line like you did.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

wonderful flog! The part that made me laugh, and shall continue for the rest of the day is "Jesus the Jew!"

Don't know why, but that made me smile.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Holy mother of Jesus the Jew!

Dangit! I had finally stopped smiling like an idiot, and now I'm doing it again.

[red-rose-remix.livejournal.com]

*gags* Japanese phonetics for pronouncing "Noir" sound truer.

I hope the hangover you suffer from this isn't too terrible.

Oh, and that all that drinking didn't poison you, either.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Should I be taking these Seconals on top of all that vodka I just had?

BROADWAY DOESN'T GO FOR BOOZE AND DOPE! NOW GET OUT OF MY WAY--I'VE GOT A MAN WERE-TIGER WAITING FOR ME!

[graesea.livejournal.com]

Safe money says she learned all of her French from watching PePe le Pew as a child. The Warner Brothers must be spinning in their graves.

[othellia.livejournal.com]

I've never taken any French, and have never heard the term actually spoken out loud, but I've always pronounced "noir" like "nwar." Do I fail or get a cookie? :D

Really though... It shouldn't be that hard. "Moi" is extremely common to hear, and it only makes sense that the vowels in "noir" should rhyme with it... (At least that my logic, but I take Japanese where phonetics are consistent.)

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

*hands you the afore mentioned warm blankie, bleepbooze, Alucard plushie and a spare brain sling*

Excellent flogging! I do hope your ears have stopped bleeding!