Chapter Two of Swallowing Doyle's Darkity-Dark Peenie

[easol.livejournal.com]

Apparently this is the second chapter of Swallowing Bile At The Mention of That Porn Title. While not quite as offensive as the previous chapter, this one basically bashes on little old ladies who have minds of their own rather than deciding that Laumerita is ALWAYS right and you should do what she wants.

http://darkese.livejournal.com/2008/09/14/



More moonlight skin. More creepy Kitto info. And no rape trauma -- Merry just cuddles with shallower-than-shallow Micah clone Galen and it's all better. Grrrrrrrrr rrgggggggrrrrrrrr... I've never been raped and yet this makes me so damn angry.

And you know all the docs and nurses must be talking about what an uberslut Merry is if they have to identify aaaaaaaallll the dozens of recent semen samples taken from her gaping maw. Just how many comparative samples are they taking, given all the guys she's boinked in the last day or so?

The worst part is that apparently now old ladies are being used for the Doomcrotch's overblown ego as well as women who are young/hot/blonde/slim/sexy/professional/smart/feminine. Poor old brownie grandma is now being treated as some kind of hate-filled freak for failing to worship the Penii Parade, regardless of what they've done in the past.

It's appallingly self-absorbed that Merry apparently expects her grandma to just go, "Oh, well you got knocked up by the freak who slaughtered my mother in front of my eyes, and a cold-as-ice longtime assassin who might've been the person who killed your dad. But because they boinked you, it's all okay now." Apparently if you boink Laumerita, that means that none of your past sins matter and nobody should hold them against you, because SHE has found your penis worthy and that's all that matters.

And obviously any biological concerns are just a way of showing what an evil hater Granny is, because her men are all SOOOOOO GORGEOUS so there's no possible way her kids could have anything weird.

The most appalling thing being that Merry basically covers her ears and shrieks, "Lalalala! Can't hear you!" whenever Granny says something she doesn't like. She treats the old lady as being this horrible monster for daring to loathe the man who killed her mother, and Doyle for being an assassin for untold centuries. But no, obviously the evil one is the old grandma who dares to not worship the Penii Parade.

Comments

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

But, but, Brownie Grandma was lovely! Brownie Grandma was the reason Merry was so tolerant of difference and people with tentacles! WAH!

[easol.livejournal.com]

Yeah well, apparently now it's just because Merry is a shining glob of wonderfulness, because now Merry has seen that Granny (gasp) dislikes gorgeous men for committing brutal mass murders, which means she's a HORRIBLE PERSON.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The grandmother is great.

Merry sounds no different than Anita.

[easol.livejournal.com]

She IS great -- Granny has enough guts to basically tell Merita that Li'l Miss Sparkly Princess can't tell her what to do, and she's the only one in either series that doesn't think that your morality is based on penis size or hair length.

As for Merry sounding like Anita, LKH really has a grandmother obsession doesn't she? Anita's is supposed to be this dark repressive creature, and Merry's is being portrayed as a screeching old freak.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

But...but...*sniff* I liked the grandma. She was cool! I loved how she had survived a horrible marriage and helped raise Merry and had floating tea parties. I loved how she ran a bed and breakfast and wasn't part of any court anymore.

[gillywoo.livejournal.com]

I liked her character as well. I couldn't read the appalling pseudo-Scots accent, it made me nauseous.

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

You know the one thing I always found hilarious about her novels was that many minor characters actually diss her with sound logic in a lot of her novels. I mean most novels with ALL-POWAHFUL characters usually have EVERY character but the bad guy (who does anyways) fall in love with the MC and never think they can do no wrong.

Its kinda funny.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

It's Laurell's subconscious (or "muse") telling her that she is killing her characters and turning them into a horrible Mary-Sue (Merry/Anita) and robotic clones with no will, my little pony type colored eyes and long hair (band of assorted males)... but she refuses to admit it!

[graesea.livejournal.com]

I couldn't read it all. The writing was so dreadful, I couldn't even read a third of it.

When did her grandmother get the terrible Scottish accent?

I'm going to have to pass on even the snarks of this one. I've been raped, worked with women and children who have been assaulted for quite a few years now.

LKH is never going to get a clue and it's too painful to watch her self absorbed ignorance.

[knowthyself.livejournal.com]

"And the last was whispered, and she had lost her accent. She was upset. The accent wouldnt lessen, not on its own."

Anyone else feel like this is another way of saying, "i'm tired of typing like this, so I'm going to make up a reason to stop now." Who loses their accent when they're angry? If anything, I'd think it would get thicker!

[pastygothchick.livejournal.com]

I agree and found her statement really weird. I worked with a woman who was Polish and a guy from Laos and when they got upset their accents got thicker. Sometimes depending on how upset they were they would switch to their native language and I really couldn't understand them.

[pith]

Modly: Please remember to tag your posts. Thanks!

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

What ever happened to Keelin of the four legs/breasts? Who tried to get pregnant by Cel?

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

Just read the whole chapter - and I think Grannie has been bespelled. There's mention of another hair mixed in with hers, so she's being controlled, like the Ambassador was with the watch Taranis gave him.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but I didn't get the impression that her distrust and grudge were artificial, just amplified.

[twistedimp.livejournal.com]

What has she dooooone to Brownie Granny?

Also, which of the Penii Parade killed Granny's mommy? I think I missed and/or repressed enough of the series to... no longer recall much about it.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

Sholto mowed her down during one of the seelie/unseelie wars. And the war was over something really stupid - it's mentioned in the chapter, but I just skimmed it this morning, it was something like a war over whose hounds hunt better, Andais's or Taranis's.

[lucky-ninja.livejournal.com]

Laurell, we all know you use your 'writing' as free therapy and that your books are carbon paper for your personal life.

However, lambasting your dead grandmother with whom you had a love/hate relationship with is just tacky.

Just bite it and see a shrink, plz.

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

She's mentioned a number of times that she sees a therapist. It is clearly doing her no good.

[pastygothchick.livejournal.com]

Just how many comparative samples are they taking, given all the guys she's boinked in the last day or so?

Well, considering it's a very mixed sample. It would take more than a few days to seperate out the samples and determine how many different comparative samples were needed. That's even assuming that fae DNA is similar to human DNA. Plus considering it's a legal matter there are so many chains of custody to go through. The police lab would handle everything. The doctors would know zip. Plus comparing a hair sample without a follicle and without it being properly preserved the test would take much longer assuming you could even get a result. And furthermore, your honor, depending on her activity and cleaning procedures there could be samples from a few days.

Even if they were able to get the king's DNA there would be no real proof that he's the one who raped her. At lest in a human court, the samples alone give reasonable doubt.

[yaoihuntresse.livejournal.com]

Isn't it interesting how Merry is more attracted to what her harem can give her (return of wild magic, protection) and their looks then lets say personality or their actions?

[pastygothchick.livejournal.com]

Went back and looked at the only appearance of Brownie Gran and she said "dearie" a lot but no accent. If she was trying to write as if Gran were speaking with a Scottish accent LKH did a piss poor job. Maybe some research would have helped.

Gonna have to burn that out of my memory with David Tennant narrated audiobooks.

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

Mmm. David Tennant.

[artemis-rex.livejournal.com]

Can we please rescue poor Brownie Granny? She was one of the few kickass characters, along with Pre-Whipped!Frost, who bitched about the outfits Andais put them in. I'll always have a soft spot for him because of it.

[twistedimp.livejournal.com]

I would just like to say:

"I do," Doyle and Sholto said together.

You may kiss the tentacle creature.

[easol.livejournal.com]

*snorts drink up on keyboard*

Hee hee... you may now kiss the doggyman.

What's that? Merry lurching out of her hospital bed shrieking, "NO GAY NO GAY! ALL YOUR PENII ARE MINE!"