A thought on formality

[sehkmetschild.livejournal.com]

(Edited for better reading. I really shouldn't do these while sitting in lecture ^^;;)
So, I've been rereading the best books in the ab series (all both of them*) and realized what it is that doesn't sell me on her love of the men. Anita always calls them by their full name, and never by a pet name. Richard isn't Rick. Jean-Claude isn't Jean. etc. Or is anyone, sweetheart, honey so on and so forth.

In other series, and in, like, real life and stuff, Couples who have been together for months or years usually have pet names for each other as well as that certain way they interact. I'm willing to believe that the pet name thing goes out the window when one collects men the way some people do baseball cards ("Sweetie, sweetheart, honey, love...er, pumpkin... uh... paint roller" and so on). I'm a sexology major and one of the things you learn, pretty much on the first day is with familiarity comes nicknames. It's a subconscious way of marking someone as "yours". And anyone who spends any amount of time together intimately will develop their own language. Since both of these are absent, I just have the hardest time believe that Anita loves these guys.

So, now, to lighten the mood, I'm assigning pet names to the men in order of first F**k:
Jean-Claude: My Love
Richard: Sweetie/Sweetheart
Micah: Pumpkin/muffin
Asher: Rolladex
Jason: Baby cakes
Nathanial:.... Paint roller
Damian: Snackikins
Haven: Cookie (<-- Probably the only one she actually gave anyone)
Requiem: Eesey domine**
Wicked: Shoulder bag
Truth: Coffee table

*My two favorites in the series are books 7 and 8
**It's a probably misspelled Monty Pythonism.

ETA: While what I said is mostly true, there are times when People might not like nicknames or their name doesn't leave much for nicknames. But in, I want to say, about 95% of couples, there is some sort of pet name/nickname applied. Something as simple as "My Gary" counts because of the acknowledgment of "ownership".

Comments

[spittingfish.livejournal.com]

hdu insinuate that Anita would ever be so anti-feminist as to fall into the stereotype of normal relationships?

[sehkmetschild.livejournal.com]

I know, I know. I'm sorry for the insinuation. XD

Although, if you have a pet name for your beloved and need to translate your conversions for others in the group, you're on the right track BTW.

[yaoihuntresse.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she's so liberated that she isn't confined by things like respecting her partner because that means compromise.

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

She indiscriminately calls them "sweeties" it seems, and that seems almost worse than not having any nicknames. At least when she says "Richard", he knows she's talking about him.

DV

[viridian5.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. Indiscriminate "sweetie" could mean she can't remember Guy X's name at the moment. They're all so interchangeable! And it's not like she spends a lot of time with their faces....

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

Some people's personalities so DO NOT lend themselves to nicknames. They don't like their name shortened nor do they tend to shorten other's names. And you're right it's all about the perception of personal space.

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

But ALL of them? Granted, that's an entirely plausible reason. But given the group we're talking about, I have a hard time believing even a tiny percentage of them would dislike nicknames enough to not allow their "lover" to use one.

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

"formaility"?

[denelian.livejournal.com]

OT - great icon!

[sehkmetschild.livejournal.com]

Typing too fast_trying not to get caught by the professor=some silly spellings...

[denelian.livejournal.com]

i...
this sort of baffles me, but because i am somehow backwards.
my ex husband, everyone called him "Mike", but i called him "Michael"

i call Peter Peter.

i tend to call the people i care about by "formal" names, to show them [i think? it's always filled with trepidation, speluking in my brain] that they are important enough for me to say ALL THE SYLLABLES.




but yes, that's probably just me.

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

An ex and I did this. Everyone called us Wil and Kate, but we called each other William and Catherine (and somehow the freaks who had weirdly spelled nicknames dated each other). Almost everyone calls me Catherine now, though my family and a few old, old friends call me Kate still.

Though I tend to call people I date, "my lovely."

[denelian.livejournal.com]

i have to ask, how does one get to "Kate with a K" from Catherine? always seemed sort of weird to me. and my name is Elizabeth and it has something like 40 nicknames attached that each makes less sense than the last...

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

You'd really have to ask my mother that. I'm not entirely sure, other than my mom just felt like it when she put down my nickname in kindergarten. It certainly caused lots of confusion for everyone all throughout school. It's also part of why I decided to go by my full first name in college, to make it easier.

Amusingly, my sister and a handful of other people randomly started spelling it Cate, so I really have both spellings, I guess.

[magdalen77.livejournal.com]

I call the man "babydoll" and sometimes "my babydoll" (occasionally I get extravagant and call "my darling babydoll"). He doesn't mind it as long as I don't say it in front of strangers (family is okay). It started out as being teasing and ironic, but now I sort of think of him that way. We still do the typical, "honey" and "baby".

[sehkmetschild.livejournal.com]

:) It was still a name you gave him though (sort of). Like, it was the name that one you (and his mother maybe) used.

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

I think it's more that she has such a big damn group, and yet, they exist as one hive mind. She calls them ALL "sweeties," not, you know, maybe Jean-Claude as "honey," or Jason "cutey pie," or what have you. In a way, having one big generic "special" name for all of them is just kind of demeaning; do none of them warrant anything unique?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Richard was referred to as Rick in Circus of the Damned, before she got to know him better. For all I can infer from that, maybe he pointed out that he didn't like his name being abbreviated.

The boys constantly get referred to as Anita's beaus, sweeties, and boyfriends -- just hers, nobody else's, otherwise we're subjected to confusing monologues of how it's not fair to demand complete fidelity from the guys when she cannot promise the same, but she's irrationally upset about dudes not staying with her and her alone. So one could argue that yes, there's an inference of ownership right there. Anyone else tries to hit on the guys and Anita goes all RAR SOOKEH IS MAAAAHNE! HANDS OFF MY KOOL AID! and rides to their rescue when they're in trouble. Because she's Prince Fucking Charming.

On the flipside, JC is the only one to have a pet name for her, and she's been protesting it since day one. Nobody else even tries. So going by your argument, there's no indication that they care about her either.

[sehkmetschild.livejournal.com]

.... Yeah. That was kinda my thought but since, when reading, we "are Anita" I focused on her.

I actually think that there is a layer of trauma, sexual or otherwise, that LHK saddled Anita with that she's not even aware of. There's one point when she mentions that her mother used to call her Nina but she totally flips out about it. But the incident is never talked about again.

I could, conceivably, buy that this is just a not-pet/nickname-friendly group. But the fact that she talks to each of the men the way she does her...er...one friend and some of the clients who wonder through her door, make it very hard for me to suspend disbelief.

I see her behavior when she does that to be more like the possession of something, like an expensive antique. "Person possession" is something different. ONe can not like their SO being flirted with, but generally, one who is secure in the relationship will step up and say something along the lines of "sorry (s)he's taken" not flip out the way AB does. (Cuts Psychology bable in the interest of not being boring.)

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I think part of the problem is that we're saddled with Anita as a deeply, deeply flawed narrator. So we have to filter through all her layers of issues and bullshit whether we like it or not. Which is part of LKH's problems as a writer. :\

[world-dancer.livejournal.com]

Aww, but the psych babble is the interesting part.

I am curious to know if there's a significance to calling an SO by their full name. It seems that depending upon the person it could be a sign of deeper intimacy if everyone else calls them by a nickname.

Though a deeper intimacy certainly doesn't fly as a reason with Anita, since everyone calls the characters by their full names. Though I have trouble considering "Requiem" a name.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I'm almost universally known as Nome (because apparently Naomi is just one syallable too many) EXCEPT by my SO, who calls me Naomi or Babe, depending on the occasion. I tend to be rather grandiloquent and refer to him as "my beloved" and "oh love of my life," when I bother with pet names at all. But then, I call my housemate "my cherub," so that doesn't tell you much.

I guess to Anita everyone is so interchangeable it doesn't really matter what you call them. Everyone's a sweetie and that's the end of it.

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

Dunno, I can only handle schmoopy nicknames when I'm using them facetiously and I certainly don't think it implies a less solid relationship. Plenty of people simply aren't comfortable with endearments or don't feel obligated to use them.

Sweetheart

[glimmerfox.livejournal.com]

My husband's name is Richard, and he doens't like any of ther shortening of his name (Rich, Rick, Dick) so I call him Richard. My name is very short (Meg) so it's not like we use different names.

He hates nicknames like Honey and Babe, becasue they remind him of his alcoholic father and how he talked. The closest nickname we have for each other is Sweetheart, and now that's been reduced to just Sweet, as in "Hey, Sweet, could you get me some coffee?"

We make fun of each other with ridiculous pet names for each other that have now become sorta endearing, but i don't think you have to have any pet names for each other.

But we are talking about Anita and her opinions of being close to someone are far different from most people. She just has a Harem, but she doesn't seen to have anyone she can trust. It seemes like she is constantly straining to have any relationship, other than sex, with her Harem. Jean-Claude should be a confidant, someone she can share all her worries with, but it seems like half the time he doesn't know what she's up to. Micah is a doormat who gives her everything she needs, but that's not an equal relationship at all. I don't want to start on any of the other men, save Richard. He seemed to be the only one to have an good give-and-take relationship with her, but just showing how odd Anita is as a character, he becomes the demanding, controlling one.

Sorry this ended up much longer than expected.

Re: Sweetheart

[jazzymegster.livejournal.com]

You have my name! (Which, to add to the nickname thing - it isn't short for Megan, but I do let some people call me that - which then leads them to believe that it's my full name).

[leggomylegolas.livejournal.com]

It's not just lack of nicknames or terms of endearment, but the entire way she interacts with most of them is maddening. There is definitely no real sense of closeness to any of them. Ever. At least, not that I can pick up on.

I submit Micah's nickname should be "beer can", though.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

I thought Micah's official nickname was "Tripod."

[shiegra.livejournal.com]

I think you should stick to "95% of couples that I know" because I don't know a single couple who does.