Facebook flog - Oct 18 2013

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Oct 18 2013, 14:15
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

First, thank you so much for all the positive feedback. It was wonderful to hear from so many other poly people - we are not alone! :-) But also loved hearing from so many people who weren't poly, but were still supportive of our choice to have a lifestyle that wasn't theirs. It was refreshing and awesome to see so much good stuff in the comments.

Thank you, also, to all the women who offered to date me, and to the women who wrote things that made my on-line security person delete your posts . . . I'm flattered, but the reason I say, I'm heteroflexible, and not bisexual is that other than Genevieve, our girlfriend, I still don't seem that interested in women. She maybe my one exception. We've been dating her for several years, so sorry, ladies, but I seem to be a one woman, sorta girl.

And for some of the other comments, it's not just the three of us in a closed poly threesome. There are other people in our lives. (Closed poly means however many people are in your poly group 3 to 50, that you can't bring new people in without the group permission, and they usually get veto on lovers, or play partners) I found it very interesting that once I used the word "girlfriend" almost everyone assumed that there were no other men, besides Jon. Particularly interesting since I mentioned Goth boys in the first paragraph.

Also, thanks for asking, but we won't be posting pictures of Genevieve anytime soon. She's a very private person, and I respect that privacy. I got her permission before posting the Goth girl post.

Thank you again for all the positive energy. You guys rock!

Comments

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Short version:

"Thank you for validating my defensive ploy for attention! See, I AM as desirable as Merita! I have a harem, too!"

I'm just waiting for the post complaining that someone propositioned her inappropriately at a con or a signing, trying to become one of her "play partners."

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

Oh you know it's coming we just have to wait for it. Or else she's going to become even more paranoid now & no one will even get a chance to get close to her to try but she'll still crow about all the people who want to.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Or someone will try to have a legitimate adult discussion with her about her experiences, and she'll freak out and say someone assaulted her.

I don't want to say she'd have it coming for publicly broadcasting her lifestyle that way. I may find the way she chooses to broadcast it offensive--she alternates between defensive condescension and self-superior gloating, with clear attention ploys thrown in. But no one should have to be afraid to have open sex-positive conversations or discuss their lifestyle, whether it's mainstream or not, and condemning her for discussing it at all feels wrong, restrictive, and close-minded (to me). But when you do discuss it so openly and you are a rather public figure, you have to be prepared for the fact that in general people aren't all that informed about this kind of thing, and they're going to react in ways other than the way you specifically want. I don't think she's prepared for those reactions without the buffering shield of the internet and her..."on-line security person." (Oh god, biting my tongue on that one.) And while it's not her responsibility to teach other people appropriate behavior when openly discussing lifestyle choices (kind of the way it's not a cosplayer's responsibility to teach people not to get grabby no matter what's hanging out of their costume), the childish way she flaunts for attention and then gets offended when she gets attention doesn't make sense to me.

Bleh. I think I'm getting kind of muddled in my point, because I don't want to fall into the trap of saying "anyone who talks about their sex life this openly deserves whatever harassment is coming to them." That's veering close to victim-blaming and censorship and a lot of other ugly stuff that I feel isn't right, as I don't think poly people or any people should have to feel like their life is some kind of forbidden kink they're not allowed to talk about in so-called polite company, and I do think that if we were more mature about discussing sex as something other than a dirty taboo and more sex-positive as a society in general we'd fix a lot of the hate problems we exhibit toward women, LGBTQ people, etc. But she has to be aware of the fact that we aren't in general, and there are a lot of people outside her bubble who don't think the way she does, and she should at least be braced for whatever's coming instead of seeming so shocked and horrified the way she always does. Situational awareness isn't that hard. If she had a track record of proudly standing up despite the awareness that other people won't understand, I'd almost get it, and might even applaud her. But instead she has a track record of flaunting with a dose of misinformation, and then freaking out if anyone dares to mention the things she's flaunting, and then making attention-getting drama about it.

...and I'm putting a lot of thought into a hypothetical situation that hasn't even happened, though this is also based on situations that have happened in the past. But I'm going to shut up, as this ventures on criticizing her for something she hasn't even done; just that I'm afraid she will.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

The fact that it all just happens to be women whom she has to supposedly ward off makes me incredibly suspicious about the general truth level of her post here. I had a sex blog and was pretty active in the sex blogging community, and the number of times the women I knew talked about being inappropriately hit on by other women is... one. (And the woman who did the hitting on was a piece of work, to put it mildly.) Every woman had at least a couple stories of being ickily hit on by men though, no matter the woman's sexuality. So LKH has been yuckily propositioned by only women here? No men? Why, what a coincidence that this happens to line up perfectly with LKH's bs about women being such huge sexual predators!

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

I've had a lot of experiences with women hitting on me inappropriately, but then I have a freakish talent for attracting some of the more...unstable...individuals who latch on to the idea of a gay man as this "safe" ideal man and get fixated enough to start to ignore the "gay" part, and can get pretty brazen and pushy with highly inappropriate and unwelcome sexual advances. But this is generally something that happens over the long term, and I'm just naive and stupidly hopeful enough to ignore the warning signs in the friendship and hope it doesn't happen again. It's not something that happens instantly with random strangers, but it still makes it a little easier for me to believe that women are capable of that level of inappropriate attention. I'm not sure if gender makes a difference there, though, as I've only known one woman who was sexually aggressive to the point of being inappropriate to other women, and she was my best friend in college. o.O;; Made our weekends a little interesting...

However--in LKH's case, I wouldn't be surprised if the women she's supposedly having to ward off are actually women seeking to have a conversation with her about their own experiences or curiosities, hoping to find support and friendly acceptance from a like-minded individual. It's entirely possible that she's operating on the same principle Anita operates on: to her talking to her about the topic is a blatant implication that the other woman wants to sleep with her, while the person in question is probably just looking for solidarity and relieved to be able to talk to someone about a topic other people reject--and they're probably entirely dismayed by her misinterpretation of their intentions.

Completely OT, but I keep meaning to say this to you every time I end up in a discussion with you on this comm or just see you in passing: icon love. So much adoration for Fang. For me she's half the replay value in FFXIII.

(Shutting up now. Why are my comments always so long? Oh right, because I overexplain...)

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Women are definitely capable of inappropriate sexual attention. The thing that stands out to me is that LKH is saying it is ALL women -- NO men. This is so vanishingly unlikely for a woman to face in this kind of situation, and it plays so neatly into LKH's rampaging misogyny, that I think she is lying.

In "Shutdown", LKH has Anita tell us there is no reason to get to know anyone unless she wants to date them. So I think you are correct; other women probably tried to talk to LKH about this, or about anything at all, and her immediate assumption was that they wanted to have sex with her. Because she sees no point in getting to know someone if sex is not the goal.

Fang does rock :D.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Considering her campaign to show us she's a desirable as Merita, I'm amazed she doesn't talk about more men hitting on her. But I guess women hitting on her (even if yeah, I agree with your reasons as to why she's probably lying/dramatizing) is what makes her edgy now. Plus we need that reminder that she/her avatar is just another man with breasts, so of course women are flocking to her manliness and swooning over her.

Waitwaitwait. I haven't read this abomination of a story...LKH has Anita tell us what? I...I don't even. I can't with this shit today. I give up on trying to figure out how she thinks, as if I keep trying my brain will melt out my ears.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Here's the quote: "We'd learned a lot about each other, but unless we were looking to date, I didn't see the point."

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

I keep reading that and hoping every time I do, it will somehow magically make sane, logical sense from the standpoint of adult reasoning, in which people can comprehend having a deeply personal platonic relationship with a friend where dating and sex aren't even on the table, and that's okay.

It's not working.

~reads it again~

Yeah. Nope. Not working.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

It's even worse than that. She's only talked with this woman over one meal. So she doesn't see the point of even being friendly with someone unless pursuing sex with them.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. I will not get all rantyface. I will not get all rantyfa--

Okay, no. NO. Just no. I refuse this. What kind of deluded wankery is--I don't even--

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SPEND SO LONG GAZING INTO YOUR AVATAR'S NAVEL THAT YOUR WORK BECOMES NARCISSISTIC PARODY FANFICTION OF ITSELF WITH NOT EVEN AN ATTEMPT TO PORTRAY HOW REAL PEOPLE THINK OR ACT.

Deep, deep breaths...

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

The story does read like a parody by someone who hates LKH with the fire of ten thousand suns.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Good god. She's so manly-man she can whine about friendzoning the way creepy Nice Guys(tm) do about women?!

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

...it's not just Nice Guys who do that... Nice Girls are a thing too.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Dammit. One of those times I hoped something was gender-restricted.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

LOL Sorry?

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

I hear static in my brain now whenever I read her words. I think my mind had finally given up.

[tooimpurenangel.livejournal.com]

Oh, good grief!

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

The comma abuse! Those poor, poor commas. What did the common comma ever do to you, LKH?

Also, LKH has leveled up from "the lurkers support me in e-mail" to "the lurkers want to fuck me in deleted posts."

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

Also, LKH has leveled up from "the lurkers support me in e-mail" to "the lurkers want to fuck me in deleted posts."

I love this.

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

ACK!!! I think this post may have just invalidated most of the comment I made on the 'I've got a girlfriend' post. Yeah, waaay more schtick than substance there LKH.

[raven7601.livejournal.com]

'She's a very private person, and I respect that privacy.'



Since when does LKH respect other people's privacy? Earlier this year LKH posted pictures of Chica's wedding on her FB page while admitting she had been specifically asked not to put them up so soon, but couldn't wait.

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

Maybe the girlfriend said 'you do & I'm outta here and taking any of your harem who wants to leave with me' or words to that effect.

[world-dancer.livejournal.com]

Alright, I may not have been following all of the entries on this topic, since I largely pick them up here, but if she got permission before making the post to wish someone a good day then it sounds incredibly like a set up.

Beyond that, though, LKH's harem must be the most uninspiring and uncreative lovers imaginable based on her output pre-divorce and post-divorce.

[raven7601.livejournal.com]

'I got her (Genevieve) permission before posting the Goth girl post.'- LKH



It was just another ploy to get attention. When LKH posted about the girlfriend on FB the first day, the fan response was muted. In fact, it was even jokingly pointed out on Amazon that her post earlier in the week about pumpkins had gotten more likes/comments. She must have noticed that too. so she posted about it again... and again until she got enough attention.


I can happily report that I don't know anything about any other author's private life. I like it that way!! I consider the author/reader relationship to be merely a business arrangement. If they produce a well written novel that I think I'll enjoy, then I'll spend money on it.


As the quality and sales of LKH's books continue to deteriorate, her shenanigans to try and keep people's attention just get more desperate.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

As the quality and sales of LKH's books continue to deteriorate, her shenanigans to try and keep people's attention just get more desperate.

As an author and former editor, I can say that not all of this is her fault, just to be fair--though I wish more readers felt like you, focusing on the books and letting the author just be in the background. But with the market more saturated than ever before and competition for readers' shelf space very, very stiff, more and more authors are encouraged to make themselves a brand, and not just their books. It used to be that an author name became a brand once their books gained a following, and while that still happens, there's also the phenomenon where authors create a following based on their personal brand, and then use that platform to sell books--something that used to be limited to the nonfiction market, but is now rampant in the fiction market as well, especially paranormal/urban fantasy. People (including me) can and have made acquisitions decisions based on a submitting author's social media presence and existing brand when that author's never even been published and technically doesn't have a brand where their books are concerned. Publishers (and their internal publicist teams) often encourage authors to find their gimmick, their hook. To find something that will make people like them, and buy their books based on that and not just based on interest in the story itself. Some authors do this through crafts/hobbies, reaching out to people with similar interests or people who just admire their craft work; some authors do it by taking a particular stance on an issue in publishing (or other issues--human rights, etc.) and speaking out regularly and vocally on it, making themselves a resource and a focal point for discussion for both readers and writers; some authors do it by bringing focus to their involvement in charity; some authors do it by building a reputation for being quirky and doing strange things; some authors do it by being funny and pithy and always having something witty to entertain the audience.

And some authors do it by inviting people into their personal lives--whether talking about their kids, their relationships, or sharing life-changing personal experiences that may have a positive impact and create an emotional connection with their readers. The business of selling books has become as much a cult of personality as pop culture in general, and with authors so easily accessible on the internet now, the pressure to be liked is very heavy. You're told you sell more books by being an attention whore, so get those stilettos and fishnets on and work that corner. When you start losing attention, your publicists freak out and next thing you know Wayne Brady's threatening to choke a bitch if you don't do something to remain in the forefront of readers' minds before sales start to drop.

...that doesn't mean LKH isn't going about it the wrong damned way. A lot of authors manage to be classy even when exposing very personal things about their lives. It's the ones who go about seeking audience attention in the wrong ways that end up causing these drama-tastic fiascos that might get them the attention they want, but end up ruining their public image and undermining their author brand. And those who take that drama into their writing and let it affect their books? Well...LKH's declining sales and waning readership speak pretty clearly on that.

[kisstheground.livejournal.com]

i love everything about this comment. all of it.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

<3 Icon love. Not the hugest fan of 30 Rock, but the dynamic between Fey and Baldwin always killed me.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Neil Gaiman. Imho he posts on FB just enough to make me interested in his life/work (with the pressure on work;) while staying the Author persona I can still respect. LKH, on the other hand... >__>

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Yesssss. I love authors like Gaiman. He has dignity, and just...I don't know, gravitas. He seems like one of the last remnants of a dying breed of dignified authors, standing out like a graven, immovable stone in the midst of the churning tempest of the high school popularity contest publishing has become.

...that was dramatic. Well. Yes. Anyway, yes. I respect Gaiman, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that he respects himself and his professional image.

[balivatn.livejournal.com]

Jim Hines. He blogs a lot about social justice issues, does gender-flipped cover poses for charity, and talks about his depression, diabetes, and cat, along with his books. I actually bought his book Stepsister Scheme because I liked what he said after some inappropriate behavior at a con he knew about.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Cheryl Rainfield was one like that for me. I didn't find out about her book Scars until a lot of people started making noise saying it glorified cutting. Her response really impressed me. Instead of getting angry or defensive, she gently and quietly shared excerpts from letters from teenagers and adults who said her book made them feel like they had someone who understood them when no one else did, and that understanding and the struggles the main character went through helped them stop cutting and in a few cases averted thoughts of suicide. She said that's one of the main reasons she writes, and that turned me into a fanboy in a heartbeat. I've followed her on Twitter for a while now and even talked to her a few times, and she's a very down-to-earth darling who's always accessible to her readers without having to put on a sideshow.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

Is there a "wank: poly" tag yet?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

There is now! >_>

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't put money on there having actually been even one.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

But that would mean she would have to read the negative posts first - and that would mean that she has to acknowledge that there are such, and that wouldn't do at all. She needs someone to skim the post first so her wobbly feeling of self worth stays secure.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

I think she does at least read some of her critics, as a whole lot of stuff in Kiss the Dead (which I'm reading now) seems to be an attempt at answering numerous complaints that I've seen made.

But for the most part, yeah, she just uses her staff to stay sheltered as fuck.

[lady-fellshot.livejournal.com]

Rather like the non-existent "critical reviews" for the last e-special on Goodreads that supposedly went up before the release date? :P

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

She had to lighten her hair so we wouldn't confuse her with Anita.
Yeah - that really made it clear for us that she is not self-inserting into her books.

I swear you could pinpoint it when she started taking over the books. The hints of author interference started happening fairly early but it was so minor you could ignore it. By now, it is all about the author and her characters are just gone.

I agree with raven7601 - I don't want to know the author except as the person that provides me with a book. In fact, I take it a bit further. I don't want to know they exist. When they put the book out there and I take it up and fall in love with it - its mine!! It belongs to me now and if an author interferes, it can ruin it for me. I will look at the back jacket photo for a second and am often astonished at how different they are than what I imagined. But that is okay because I really don't care and just want to remember the name so I can look for more books. And if they write a book I don't like, its not personal because I don't know them. I usually just move on.

I don't know what happened here but OMG do I ever regret looking up LKH's blog/forum!! I mean knowing more about the author than I ever wanted to know. I actually enjoy the posting with other people here about the disillusionment of former series entertainment and the dissection of author-gone-wild. I feel mean sometimes and a bit guilty like I am peeking in someone's window, but then the author puts out something like Shutdown and follows up with these poly posts and suddenly I am back in the moral high ground.

Anyway, after reading these past few posts I feel more than ever that Anita and Merry are just dress up dolls of LKH and that is NOT the image I wanted of these characters.

[world-dancer.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know way more about LKH than I ever wanted to.

I can think about 3 other authors I know that much about:

GRRM (Because I check his blog for info on when the next book will be out and used to try to read it ... boring)

Robert Asprin (Because he got in trouble with the IRS)

Terry Pratchett (Because I've been reading his books for a long time and simply enjoy hearing what he's up to).

I won't say that I don't care about the author. If the author is good, I want them to succeed and have a wonderful career. But I mostly don't find their private lives to have any impact on my interest in their work. I just want the books to be good.

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

I got burned on LKH so I do not know anything about any other author on purpose. I was tempted on a couple, but if I check out their website it is only to see if there are any new books coming out or for freebie shorts. That is it - no more forums or other social media. I don't want their personality, even if they are a great and fascinating person, to overshadow the books.

I think there is a saying - never meet your heroes. Maybe someone here knows the real quote.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

O gosh I have the same thing! I don't wish to know anything about my authors other than the name and the list of their books - same with music, if I like a band I like it because of the music they make, not who they are or what they do apart from making my music>___>

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

Yes!! Beside of reading I listen to a lot of music. I will discover and obsess on a particular artist until I put them away for awhile. I sometimes falter, but I will even avoid reading interviews. What if they are an obnoxious arrogant asshole! I don't want to know!

[spikdpunch.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if it means anything, but the first time I saw LKH with lighter hair and I said "Oh, your hair is getting lighter," she tried to act like it wasn't any different at all. I recall her saying "No, I haven't changed it." until I said "Yeah, I"m pretty sure it was black before." ;) and then she gave me a puzzled look and then finally said "It's a little lighter than before."

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

Direct quote from interview re: Kiss the Dead via Amazon

Do people ever expect you to be your characters?

LKH: If I had known people would get confused between fiction and fact I'd have made Anita look less like me, but it just never occurred to me that there would be a problem. I've had fans want to know what weapons I'm carrying. They assume all the men are based on real people, and they aren't. I don't actually base characters on real people. Since I can't lighten Anita's hair, I've lightened my own and I get less fan confusion. I've had fans ask for the phone numbers of the men and get angry when I tried to explain I couldn't give them the contact info for a fictional character.

[spikdpunch.livejournal.com]

People thinking that the characters are based on people, I can understand, but to then demand a phone number....assuming the people and the characters are either the same as each other or would want to have them call...I can't understand.

And I'm not surprised she did change her hair to help some people in their confusion. I only wonder why she looked so confused when I asked her about it and acted like she had no idea what I was talking about. This was the last time she went to the Archon convention in St.Louis, so before Kiss the Dead came out, I think by at least a year if not more. (though if Anita is that real to her, I think Anita could change her hair if she really wanted to. It might look strange but no...Anita looks perfect no matter what she looks like ;P )