Facebook flog - Feb 21 2014

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Feb 21 2014, 14:02
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

I'm still working hard on the edits, so here is the bottom paragraphs of page 64 of the edits for the new Merry Gentry novel, A Shiver of Light -

Comments

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

Good lord, that is clunky writing.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

It was writing that was clunky so that clunkiness was its most defining feature and that was really clunky about it.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Actually this has really hit home one thing about LKH's writing that drives me mad. Invariably, scenes go like this.

Character A to Character B: "Bad things will happen!"
Meritaell: Lengthy infodump while simultaneously interpreting the scene before her as if she is the Terminator, with excessive attention to hair colour etc.
Character B: "Are you saying bad things will happen?"

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Followed by a, "but what does that mean?"

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Why... why a comma before 'and' ? Why? *breaks down in tears*

[jamoche]

Of the 5 commas in the second paragraph, 3 have strikethroughs - the copyeditor is earning hazard pay. Only question is, will LKH notice?

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

They're just, jealous haters. I sooo don't have to take this. I'm working, over my birthday. I'm polycommaous. This is discrimination. I'm going to, write on my blog. And do Twitter. Rub my feet Jon. The editor just doesn't appreciate, my talent and I'm not going to listen. It's sooooo hard to have such a high Wisdom score but, someone's got to. I'll tell the editor I just know where to put commas, I don 't know how, but I totally own my knowing... Mm, yes, tell me how tight and wet my toes are...

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

Obviously because Rhys' eye was named Ambassador Benz.

...right?

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

"Did a long blink"? WTF is this nonsense?

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

You know, the anime blink. The one where we can see the eyelashes swish and eyes glisten, eventually pupils expand... the one...
You know. Right?
Right??
*this is a bad fanfic kind of bad*

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Normal, functional, competent authors would use:

"There was a slow blink, followed by silence..."
or
"There were a couple of blinks, followed by silence..."

LKH is a whole new special.

And now I'm remembering the days when fanfic authors first started verbalizing tic-marks, sweatdropping, faceplanting, etc.

[plastraa.livejournal.com]

So basically this editing is for random redundant words and punctuation, but nothing about content and plot flow etc. This is as suspected given that LKH truly believes her first draft is her final draft minus a few typos.

Although, I guess that's all that can really be done with a 4month window until publication. :-\

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

Well according to her last post "she'll do the minor/major rewrites later". Which I'm sure means they'll never get done because she'll get 'sick' or some 'crisis' will come up.

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

Also, the sentence about pretty female goblins is bothering me. The way it's written, it reads as though the purpose of priding themselves on extra limbs and eyes is solely for humanoid-spider-ladies to be hot. I'd have omitted the "so that" and stuck in a semi-colon, but I'm not actually sure LKH knows how to use those.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

It probably is solely for humanoid-spider-ladies to be hot. In LKH's books, everything is about sex, and you can only want to have sex with someone if you find them extremely physically attractive, and everyone in a given culture finds exactly the same things physically attractive.

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

I have profound sympathy for her copy-editor.

[snarky-imp.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that! This doesn't really read as Merry, it's definitely Anita's mind with Merry's characters thrown in.


And so dies what little hope I had for this book.

[miss-maggpie.livejournal.com]

Yes! This is exactly what I was thinking when I read this.

I feel I should go back and read Merry. Was she always written in the voice of Anita??

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and also Merry always came off to me as a friendly airhead... admittedly with a sophisticate's condescension towards the hoi polloi humans and deep-rooted cynicism towards most of the population of the Sidhe courts. Which at least made sense for her character, in that a Sidhe princess probably WOULD have speciesist leanings and that she had ample reason to be cynical and embittered towards most of the population of the Sidhe courts.

Yeah, this is Anita in a Merry suit. Damnit. What a pity.

[kristen howe (from livejournal.com)]

So the sentence relating to female goblins. I understand what she's trying to say but it's sadly written. I'm still trying to get back to my writing. So please tell me if this is right or wrong if the it was rewritten:
'They prided themselves on extra limbs and eyes. Because of that females that looked like humanoid spiders were the height of beauty among the goblins.'

Would this be better or right?
(sorry just curious)

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

It's better, but imo would be best with a semicolon instead of "because of that." But the biggest problem with the goblin-attractiveness thing is that it's an unrelated infodump in the middle of a conversation. It doesn't belong here at all.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

If it were up to me, it would read "I wondered what he would think if he saw the goblins, with their extra limbs and eyes." Full stop, no need for further extrapolation, the end. Next time a humanoid spider beauty turns up, describe her.

[kristen howe (from livejournal.com)]

Thanks. Makes sense. Much to learn!

[ramlatch.livejournal.com]

I feel so bad for her editor.