Danse Macabre Snark, ch 21
Jun. 6th, 2014 07:18 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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lkh_lashoutsI'm having fun so I'll be doing this new format for a bit.
Anita: Ah, nothing beats having three naked men in my bed, jabbering about it for over three paragraphs and not having the bed break on me. Wait a minute why is it so dark out? Has that Barney nightlight of mine blow another fuse? Because if it did, I'm blaming Richard for this.
* A shadowy figure flutters by and takes on a feminine form. *
Anita: Claudia! There's a powerful, possibly likeable female in my room!
Claudia: Damn it, Anita, it's four in the morning. I don't have to start kissing your ass until six.
Anita: Micah, Nathaniel, get up. She's sitting at the foot of my bed and she's being all girly and stuff.
Micah and Nathaniel: (Not really looking at her.) Yes, Anita, you have a wonderful, natural beauty that is beyond all femininity and Nazi ideals. (Turns over and goes back to sleep.)
Shadow: Hey Necromancer.
Anita: Oh, yeah, I am still one of those. Didn't I have a job doing that for people at one time? Even though I kinda sucked at it in the comic version of this series. (Smells jasmine.) Wait a minute, didn't you already try to take over my head yesterday?
Shadow: That's Belle Morte, you little twit. I am the Mother of All Darkness. Mwahaha. I am the first vampire, ruler of the Vampire council and currently sleeping for centuries in my Twilight Sparkle jammies. Ha, ha, ha.
Me: Oh shit, I made an MLP reference. Now I'm going to get all kinds of gushing by rabid bronies before they start arguing over which one of them is married to Rarity.
Anita: Can I just call you Marmee Noir, instead? Come on, it's the least offensive thing everyone calls you.
Marmee Noir: Hmph, fine.
Anita: So why are you here?
Marmee Noir: Because you interest me. Or in terms you'd understand, like everyone else you're the center of my attention because you might be the one to help me out of my sleep. Anyway, you know how you're one mark away from being Jean-Claude's full human servant, right?
Anita: And I have about four strains of lycanthropy with none of the silver allergies, I have a vampire servant and several of their abilities with none of the weaknesses, I'm part of two trimulatives (sp), I have enslaving lust powers...
Marmee Noir: Oh boy, come up with something, Marmee, or you'll be here all day. So do you, uh, want to see my true form?
Anita: I don't know, but I don't want you in a human form, either.
Marmee Noir: So what do you want then?
Anita: This is just a dream, Anita, this is just a dream...
Marmee Noir: Screw it, I'll just turn into my darkness form and start choking you.
Anita: I need another excuse for the werecreatures in my harem to pay more attention to me and show off one of my many powers so I'll summon my inner wolf to chase her away.
Me: Because the author hates physical, non-sexual conflict, Marmee Noir leaves without much of a fight (and Anita wakes up). Despite the fact that Marmee is an ancient Vampire who predates the evolution of homo-sapiens, controls the darkness, has one strain of saber-tooth tiger lycanthropy (and can turn into one and "call" all cats and feline lycanthropes), has psychic communications and possession and is a necromancer. *Goes to check Anita' fanwiki entry.* Damn, Anita even has a longer list of abilities and talents than her.
Anita: Ah, nothing beats having three naked men in my bed, jabbering about it for over three paragraphs and not having the bed break on me. Wait a minute why is it so dark out? Has that Barney nightlight of mine blow another fuse? Because if it did, I'm blaming Richard for this.
* A shadowy figure flutters by and takes on a feminine form. *
Anita: Claudia! There's a powerful, possibly likeable female in my room!
Claudia: Damn it, Anita, it's four in the morning. I don't have to start kissing your ass until six.
Anita: Micah, Nathaniel, get up. She's sitting at the foot of my bed and she's being all girly and stuff.
Micah and Nathaniel: (Not really looking at her.) Yes, Anita, you have a wonderful, natural beauty that is beyond all femininity and Nazi ideals. (Turns over and goes back to sleep.)
Shadow: Hey Necromancer.
Anita: Oh, yeah, I am still one of those. Didn't I have a job doing that for people at one time? Even though I kinda sucked at it in the comic version of this series. (Smells jasmine.) Wait a minute, didn't you already try to take over my head yesterday?
Shadow: That's Belle Morte, you little twit. I am the Mother of All Darkness. Mwahaha. I am the first vampire, ruler of the Vampire council and currently sleeping for centuries in my Twilight Sparkle jammies. Ha, ha, ha.
Me: Oh shit, I made an MLP reference. Now I'm going to get all kinds of gushing by rabid bronies before they start arguing over which one of them is married to Rarity.
Anita: Can I just call you Marmee Noir, instead? Come on, it's the least offensive thing everyone calls you.
Marmee Noir: Hmph, fine.
Anita: So why are you here?
Marmee Noir: Because you interest me. Or in terms you'd understand, like everyone else you're the center of my attention because you might be the one to help me out of my sleep. Anyway, you know how you're one mark away from being Jean-Claude's full human servant, right?
Anita: And I have about four strains of lycanthropy with none of the silver allergies, I have a vampire servant and several of their abilities with none of the weaknesses, I'm part of two trimulatives (sp), I have enslaving lust powers...
Marmee Noir: Oh boy, come up with something, Marmee, or you'll be here all day. So do you, uh, want to see my true form?
Anita: I don't know, but I don't want you in a human form, either.
Marmee Noir: So what do you want then?
Anita: This is just a dream, Anita, this is just a dream...
Marmee Noir: Screw it, I'll just turn into my darkness form and start choking you.
Anita: I need another excuse for the werecreatures in my harem to pay more attention to me and show off one of my many powers so I'll summon my inner wolf to chase her away.
Me: Because the author hates physical, non-sexual conflict, Marmee Noir leaves without much of a fight (and Anita wakes up). Despite the fact that Marmee is an ancient Vampire who predates the evolution of homo-sapiens, controls the darkness, has one strain of saber-tooth tiger lycanthropy (and can turn into one and "call" all cats and feline lycanthropes), has psychic communications and possession and is a necromancer. *Goes to check Anita' fanwiki entry.* Damn, Anita even has a longer list of abilities and talents than her.
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Date: 2014-06-07 03:12 am (UTC)I like the idea Claudia has a time card to punch and everything for the job of kissing Anita's ass
LKH claims she wrote herself into a corner with making the MOAD too powerful to defeat, but actually I think she wrote herself into a corner by making ANITA too powerful to defeat. Storywise, an over-powered villain can work just fine--maybe she's not defeated, just escaped, or they find a way to put her back to sleep for the time being, etc., or she does wake up again and hell breaks loose and then there's the adventure of trying to survive that. But an over-powered hero? Yeah, that's a lot more of a story-killer, as Anita proves.
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Date: 2014-06-07 04:56 pm (UTC)