Book flog...sorta: Micah

[dwg.livejournal.com]

This occured to me the other day, but I kept forgetting to mention it.

It's set up that in Bloody Bones, Blue Moon and I think in Obsidian Butterfly that since Anita is Jean-Claude's human servant, his mortal eyes and ears and representative here on earth, blah blah blah, she has to go through pretty much all the same protocol with the local Masters of the City/area as a vampire would. You know the whole, "Please sir, may I enter your territory? I promise not to kill you." Only as it's been proved in Bloody Bones and Blue Moon she kinda did kill people and in OB, even though Itzapapalotl was meant to be the scariest bitch EVAH, she gave Anita a hall pass because...she...*brain stops functioning* Because it's Anita Blake, right. Got it. *nods*

So...I'm wondering how it is that Anita can fly off to Philadelphia at the drop of her undies a hat and go a-zombie raisin' and not cop any shit from the local vampire populace.

This is probably a thing to be written up as LKH not thinking at all in regard to her world and how everything goes out of its way to accommodate Anita and her needs, but aside from the whole book being from Micah's POV, something involving the shit with the local vamps mighta made things more interesting. I probably wouldn't even mind if it's your standard:

VAMPIRES: le gasp! It is Anita Blake! *hiss & spit!* (because all vampires are French. ALL OF THEM.)
ANITA: I'm fuckin' Anita Blake - PH34R!
VAMPIRES: We le hate you.
ANITA: *shoots sex-fus someone and gives them all the scary-glare*
VAMPIRES: *all run away, screaming and flailing*

Because I never get tired of that. NEVAH.

Or at the very least, in a future book, JC ought to cop a lot of crap in political ramifications from Philadelphia and its cronies because Anita went and broke the rules without anyone's permission or for a good reason.

But this probably will never happen, because Ms Hamilton is nowhere near as an attentive author as I am a reader.

Comments

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

*LE DIES!!*

Right? I think it's just because she's UBERSPESHUL, she's ANITA BLAKE.

And the author forgot/was too lazy to apply her own rules...again.

-Dira-

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Like the world doesn't revolve enough, specially after Micah where the universe bends over backwards to have Anita level up.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

I know. Sickening, isn't it? It's just so heinously Mary Sue...

-Dira-

[pandorasblog]

Excellent point. It's ironic really. She goes to all that trouble to establish a complex web of inter-related preternatural communities with cross-pollinated protocol... and then she forgets it just in time to send Anita and Micah on a dirty weekend. The worst of it is that I don't even think this derives from the annoying tendency for Anita to be so powerful nobody crosses her, but from LKH losing track of how her world works, period. She's forgotten that it used to be more than just weres, or just vamps.

And it's so weird... for a book that's meant to revolve around Micah, from your summary it seems like there's precious little of him in there. In addition to the lack of the Master of Philly, I wanted to see what wereleopard politics might be like in another city, or see Micah meet old friends or enemies. She could've followed the old rule of 'don't tell me, show me' and let his past emerge from such an interaction, but instead it got recounted between all that padding.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Not to mention, there would have been a chance to catch up with colleagues in the animating profession - but as the book proves, there are no animators in Philadelphia so no shop-talk, no getting-to-know-yous and certainly no poaching of talent for Bert or even in the vampire hunting profession.

There's just so, so much that's been neglected, it's not funny.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but that would get in the way of sex and ubershiny speshul new powers, wouldn't it? Sighs.

Had it had things like a meet with a master vamp, and other Pard, I might actually have bothered to both buy and read it, instead of going for the dwg's wonderful write up.

-Dira-

[windiain.livejournal.com]

Ya know, if LKH actually READ her own books, she might not make all these mistakes. Maybe. Perhaps. Okay, she probably would. Le sigh.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

This is one of the reasons why I heart RPGs, because you can just go, "All right gang - we're going to play what should happen instead of *insert book here*"

Nine times out of ten, even with some sucky Mary Sue-ness, it's better than what gets published.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

I know. Odd, isn't it? We consider the game to be DYING when it takes on the form of one of her more recent plots, in fact. Anything with babies, or constant OTP sex...over.

-Dira-

[wickedmommy.livejournal.com]

You guys keep bring up good points but as I won't read anything past ID I only have to live the horror through you guys. But I think if the did that..then th e book might have had a plot and been a bit longer than the "Queen of all things Wet and Scary" wanted.

Where are these RPG's you guys keep talking about? I would not join because of my spelling..but I would love to read a few.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Over on Yahell.

The two that come to mind are GameAnitaWorlds (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/GameAnitaworlds/) and LePetiteMorte (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/LePetiteMorte/). (links open in new windows) I was playing JC in both, but kinda got confused and lost and have retired the character.

saadiira and I have been running around those things for about six years together and have seen the death and birth of many a group. Right now, things are kinda quiet on the Western front. It's been a while since I've been excited about a group. *sigh*

I find the groups to be fantastic training grounds for characters, just to see if they'll grow a personality or something.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

That they most certainly are.

Many's the personality has been grown, and severed utterly from AnitaWorld, besides. lol.

-Dira-

[ladyvy.livejournal.com]

Okay, okay... I have to come out of my lurkdom here and say that this was awesome. I love all of your posts dwg. But the use of "le" in this sentence was unnecessary. (VAMPIRES: We le hate you.) "Le" in French is the masculine form of the word, "the". I know it was meant to be funny and cute, which it is. But I learned French as a little girl before English. Being that it is one of my native tongues (my country has 2 national languages), I kind of have to point it out because it has been bothering me. LoL. And yes, I totally agree with you about vampires being Frenchmen. Although I do like them Latin from time to time.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure she knows. It was le massive sarcasm.

-Dira-

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

HEEE! Oh no, run..it is the giganormous orgasm monster!

Ok, where did that come from?

-Dira-

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I was debating the "le" there, but the urge for Wanky French won out. And I am terrible at Wanky French.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Which makes for a darn good imitation of LKH! =D

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

I'm always waiting for Jean-Claude to show up and tell Anita to start living in the world she forced herself into. She should realize that if she wants to play with the vampires she must play their politics. Same goes for Richard and Micah.

It isn't realistic for vampire bow because she's Anita Blake. Vampire used to have a necromancer elimination routine. It's not like they want to keep her because she's special. The vampire council would be happy to be rid of Anita and her special brand of threat-sex.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I have a fantasy were the council actually flex their muscles and prove how they really are the thing that gives the little monsters nightmares.

Really, the only reason why Anita was allowed to live was because she was an untrained necromancer. Now that she's splurging power and sex-fu everywhere, you'd think the council would step in, point out that the rules are shot to pieces and it's now time to die? No negotiations, not last minute reprieves, no wanky powers suddenly appearing. Just dead.

This thought makes me very happy.

[vanity-lost.livejournal.com]

Now that book I would read. ... I might even read it if wanky new powers erupted like supernatural achne to save the day. Just to see the council actually act like the SuperFriends of Evil that they're supposed to be. It'd be nice.

Of course, from the way the vamps and everyone in Anitaverse is acting, I'm guessing they're all having le uber-sex in their chateaus and are too busy to notice. So we should wake up The Mother of All Nightmares, resurrect Itzalapoptli (or however the hell you spell that name), hire Edward, catch Belle Morte on her metaphysical pms month... That would be an amusing book.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Four words:

Rocks fall, everyone dies.

*shifty*

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Either that or give Jean-Claude an ultimatum to put a shorter leash on Anita.

On second thought, the vampire council having a necromancer in their thrall would be a really boost to them, provided they have a sure fire way to control her.

Just the thought of it makes me feel warm.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

It's a pretty big "if" for finding a way to control her. I mean, if they had the whole Dalek policy of extermination going, I don't think a couple of hundred years will make much difference in the metaphysical side of things.

However, they might just keep her drugged to the gills and just bleed her off every once in a while when people want a power buzz.

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

I think drugging Anita is a better fate for her, especially after all the problems she caused.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

Heh. Man, you're brain is scary. *Pets brain.*

I so want to see scary, scary things go down. SOOO want that. Sighs.

-Dira-

[tsula.livejournal.com]

I wonder if she's get vamp flak when she visits the parentals in Indiana...

or when she visits Jason's parentals over Thanksgiving, like LKH is threatening to make a novel on.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Wait, what? JASON'S PARENTS?

I think I missed that bit of news. But omgwtfpolarbears? Why on earth would she be visiting Jason's parents in the first place?

No scrap that, I think I can guess - it's something to do with Jason's "novel-lite" and he doesn't like to travel, or something, and needs a girlfriend to take home with him because he doesn't want to tell the parental units that A) he's a werewolf and B) indulges a love of the gay as JC's cabana boy - but you know he's *cough* straight still because he likes girls. Specificially, Anita. And since Anita IS Anita, she'll boldly go, "Sure, I'll be your fake-real girlfriend!" and they'll end up having traumatic sex on the turkey in front of the thoroughly aghast parentals.

Yes.

[tsula.livejournal.com]

If I remember right, it's to prove that Jason did not catch z0mg! TEH GHEYNESS!!!!!1! What with is working at a male!strip club, and playing lap-puppy to the male!Master of the City, and all.

So, it's Anita to the rescue by playing his fake!girlfriend, to prove to him Mumsy and Diddums that he is in fact as straight as a warped arrow.

Though how they'll react when it's time to feed the ardeur and LIEK WHOA!!!1! Multiple, Pain-inducing Orgasms from Hell, for all! is another question altogether.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Riiight.

Because it's not enough for Jason to announce that he's bi because he still enjoys the women.

Hee. Warped arrow. Nice one.

Back in the day, in high school, the phrase of choice was "straight as a bowling ball."

[tsula.livejournal.com]

we had that one too... heh

[edda.livejournal.com]

I barely glanced at the thing in the bookstore. It's written from Micah's POV? Does that mean we get even more wanky Mary Sue-ness, in the form of him describing Anita's breathtaking charms through his own eyes? Acres of silky dark hair, nights of passion, endless descriptions of her perfect body? Because somehow I suspect it does involve that, and even more.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Alas, no it's all from Anita's POV. Which is why you wind up with chapter after chapter of her neuroses concerning love, life, the universe and everything rather than "Exploring Micah as a character, finding out more about his past" which was what the book was designed to do.

Oh, and there's oodles of Micah's freakish circus penis. *nods* I think we'd be remiss if we didn't get that several times a book...just like Anita, and almost as painful.

IMO, the book would have been more interesting from his POV, simply because it would have forced LKH to give him some thoughts of his own. Even if it was along the lines of how splendiferous Anita is and still give us traumatic pr0n. At least the book then would be reasonably about him rather than a couple of pages where he steals Richard's "Woe! I AM A MONSTER!" schtick.

[http://users.livejournal.com/belladonna_/]

VAMPIRES: le gasp!

*le dies*

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

leright?

-Dira-

[silver-mane.livejournal.com]

"sex-fus?" Tears...everything blurry...dear god. I need an icon of that somehow. Nicely done dwg!

Concerning level ups: Does this mean Anita has reached a new plateau of Sexypanstuayain extremeness?
Imagine the horror of combining one of the worst anime shows of all time to her lust drive…. After every “encounter” her hair gets spikier, more flamboyant and eye searing, along with a super attack: Tri Beam
Kamehameha Solar Flare Orgasm.

It instantly causes any supernatural or undead man/woman’s genitals to spontaneously combust.

I just have a feeling, since I decided to inflict NiC upon myself, that Anita will be bedding women soon. Jeez, what happened in between OB and NiC for the mush/exotica overdrive *11eventyone, seriously? Although wasn’t it around Blue Moon or so when the actual sex started taking up about ¼ of the story? I guess Ill go back and reread the series and find out.

I now officially dub Micah the Capt. Cardboard Kitty of the Anitaverse. I fear Ill only be renting these books for parody purposes, unless by some miracle or dance of fuzzy penguins, LKH somehow gets her early book groove back.

I love the snarky energy of this community. ^_^

[vanity-lost.livejournal.com]

hee. Actually, I've started imagining AB as part of La Blue Girl. I've only seen a couple episodes, but it was definitely mind-twisting and sex.

Anita will never have teh lezbianz. Girls are evil. Lesbianism is bad. And besides, I don't see any girl putting up with Anita's crap long enough to get her into bed, even if LKH wasn't afeared of writing teh lezbianz.

LOL. Capt. Cardboard is the best name Evar for Micah. Parody away!