Your religion is wrong! All wrong!

[catskin.livejournal.com]

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/happy-winter-solstice.html
Happy Winter Solstice

Laurell, bold.
Me, baffled.

Tonight is the longest night of the year; Winter Solstice. Every culture that I am aware of has some sort of holiday around this time of year. 

Of course, dear readers, there may be some cultures that have managed to slip under her radar. She probably can't get calenders for all of them, you know?

Most with some theme of doing something to encourage the sun to return. 

Like shagging some fairy who used to be the personification of the sun's mighty sun powers? 

Uh-oh, I think I just foresaw the plot of the next Merry book.

Our own religion has a version of this in the Holly King and Oak King. The Holly King ruled the year until tonight, but he will give his crown to the Oak King who will rule until Summer Solstice. Truthfully, it would make more sense to Jon and I to crown the Holly King at winter and the Oak King at summer, but this was the tradition as I can find it written up.

She means "this was the tradition according to my calendar," kids.

You mean you and Jon aren't out there spreading the message, Laurell? Here, let me. Hey, pagans, Wiccans, you're doing it all wrong! Laurell says it should be the Holly King at Winter! Okay? All your traditions and celebrations are the wrong way round - Laurell and Jon figured it out. You need to get with the programme and kick the Oak King to the curb until Summer, okay?

What? What was that? Laurell can stick her holly where?

 It's the tradition that most Wiccans follow, but we are puzzled by it. If it makes more sense to us to have the Holly king crowned at Yule, could we do that, change it, or would that be not okay? 

Laurell, given the lack of consistency within your own books, why are you worrying about consistency within your religion?

Yes, it's based on old religious beliefs and customs, but modern Wicca really dates to Gerald Gardner. Good ol' Uncle Gerry, is really the founder of our faith in many ways. We hold to festivals and ways of faith that are older than Christianity, but the way we put it all together is new. 

Brand! Spanking! New! Wicca! Call now and recieve a free box of I Can't Believe It's Not Wicca, personally endorsed by LKH and Jon, who will be happy to tell you everything you're doing wrong by crowning the Oak King in Winter. 

Seriously, who is she kidding? I'm sure this is all part of her "I'm so Goth but don't call me Goth because I won't be labelled!!!!11!!!" schtick.

I guess our faith is like a marriage; something old, something new, something borrowed . . . okay, I don't know where the blue comes in. I mean blue can mean healing, or Goddess energy, or both. Blue can stand for the element of water, or air. Blue can represent the God, as well, the blue of the sky and him watching over us. So, let it stand, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Keep the light shining, tomorrow the sun returns.

Blue can also represent a type of music and my mood. I am blue because of you, Laurell. And as far as I'm aware (please correct me if I'm wrong, because I probably am) green is the colour traditionally associated with healing, not blue.

Comments

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

I think something is lost in translation. Nobody takes that list seriously, do they?

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

She's afraid of tall, skinny women with small breast (like me)? Honestly, everytime I remember that one I want to bitch slap her. Clearly, I'm an anorexic idiot who has bended to the will of a men-dominated society. It has nothing to do with genetics and metabolism at all. (Yes, I'm a little sensitive about that one).

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

That's so true--think about it, how many women in the Anitaverse who she goes up against are tall, leggy and blonde?

I acknowledge that I have the figure of a 12 year old boy, but dammit I still have a vagina and I'm as much of a woman as LKH is!