Your religion is wrong! All wrong!

[catskin.livejournal.com]

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/happy-winter-solstice.html
Happy Winter Solstice

Laurell, bold.
Me, baffled.

Tonight is the longest night of the year; Winter Solstice. Every culture that I am aware of has some sort of holiday around this time of year. 

Of course, dear readers, there may be some cultures that have managed to slip under her radar. She probably can't get calenders for all of them, you know?

Most with some theme of doing something to encourage the sun to return. 

Like shagging some fairy who used to be the personification of the sun's mighty sun powers? 

Uh-oh, I think I just foresaw the plot of the next Merry book.

Our own religion has a version of this in the Holly King and Oak King. The Holly King ruled the year until tonight, but he will give his crown to the Oak King who will rule until Summer Solstice. Truthfully, it would make more sense to Jon and I to crown the Holly King at winter and the Oak King at summer, but this was the tradition as I can find it written up.

She means "this was the tradition according to my calendar," kids.

You mean you and Jon aren't out there spreading the message, Laurell? Here, let me. Hey, pagans, Wiccans, you're doing it all wrong! Laurell says it should be the Holly King at Winter! Okay? All your traditions and celebrations are the wrong way round - Laurell and Jon figured it out. You need to get with the programme and kick the Oak King to the curb until Summer, okay?

What? What was that? Laurell can stick her holly where?

 It's the tradition that most Wiccans follow, but we are puzzled by it. If it makes more sense to us to have the Holly king crowned at Yule, could we do that, change it, or would that be not okay? 

Laurell, given the lack of consistency within your own books, why are you worrying about consistency within your religion?

Yes, it's based on old religious beliefs and customs, but modern Wicca really dates to Gerald Gardner. Good ol' Uncle Gerry, is really the founder of our faith in many ways. We hold to festivals and ways of faith that are older than Christianity, but the way we put it all together is new. 

Brand! Spanking! New! Wicca! Call now and recieve a free box of I Can't Believe It's Not Wicca, personally endorsed by LKH and Jon, who will be happy to tell you everything you're doing wrong by crowning the Oak King in Winter. 

Seriously, who is she kidding? I'm sure this is all part of her "I'm so Goth but don't call me Goth because I won't be labelled!!!!11!!!" schtick.

I guess our faith is like a marriage; something old, something new, something borrowed . . . okay, I don't know where the blue comes in. I mean blue can mean healing, or Goddess energy, or both. Blue can stand for the element of water, or air. Blue can represent the God, as well, the blue of the sky and him watching over us. So, let it stand, something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Keep the light shining, tomorrow the sun returns.

Blue can also represent a type of music and my mood. I am blue because of you, Laurell. And as far as I'm aware (please correct me if I'm wrong, because I probably am) green is the colour traditionally associated with healing, not blue.

Comments

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I R Confused.

Didn't she just mention at the top of the post, encouraging the Sun to come back? Why then does it not make sense than in faith the 'Summer King' would be crowned as the sun's power begins to grow again?

I mean A + B = C, right?

Granted I'm a matrialineal Jew with spiritual Pagan leanings. So maybe my maths are wrong.

[catskin.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty much certain you're right. Makes sense to me at any rate, but then we are not privy to the greater workings of Laurell's mind.

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

To this day I still can't parse the whole 'calendar' bit. I think people have told me before but my brain refuses to accept it. But really, she went to college. She has a degree in biology! What's the mystery about the why in this?

Could LKH be putting us all on? Like that skit with Jessica Simpson secretely saving the world while pretending to be the ditziest ditz that ever blonded?

[catskin.livejournal.com]

lol, scary idea. All this time she's been playing us for fools...

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty much certain you're right. Makes sense to me at any rate, but then we are not privy to the greater workings of Laurell's mind.

I didn't think her mind HAD any greater workings...Her mind barely works, as is. :P

[catskin.livejournal.com]

Lol, the more I hear about your family, the more I want to meet them.

And hey, leave Laurell alone. She's busy re-writting religion for the neowiccans, okay? They've been doing it all wrong for so long now, it's about time she showed them the truth, be it green, blue or aquamarine.

[catskin.livejournal.com]

Jon - "I'd suggest a virgin sacrifice, but where will we find a virgin in the Manitaverse?"

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

SO, should we add "Revolutionizing/modernizing the pagan religions" to LKH's long list of accomplishments?

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

Yes.

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

It's an amusing list.

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

I think something is lost in translation. Nobody takes that list seriously, do they?

[lovedstrangely.livejournal.com]

what a douche. laurell, you're a douche.

sigh.

green is connected with healing but blue can be as well, blue's also connected with justice as well, fyi :-p

pick up the wicca handbook by eileen holland! it's fantastic for seasoned or newbie wiccans and it has loads of correspondences!

[catskin.livejournal.com]

*wanders off to check it out*

I have a lot of books on Wicca, paganism and religion in general for research purposes, yet I'm aware there's a lot I don't know. How LKH can profess to be a Wiccan/neo-pagan/Lucifarian/delete as appropriate and still post blogs like this is beyond me. Being uneducated is curable. Being ignorant isn't.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_cynical_beauty/]

her blog is so offensive.

[havocthecat]

...okay, I don't know where the blue comes in.

I do. It's the fucking WOAD, bitch, and it's making you HALLUCINATE. Get off the drugs and start writing some halfway decent fic again.

*rages*

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

...Am I the only one whose Bullshit Alert starts flashing when she's going on about Gardner and this Holly King/Oak King thing? Correct me if I'm wrong here, but I've read a good deal from the founders of the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn as well as their students the Farrars, and I don't remember ever seeing ANYTHING about "passing the crown" or whatever. The Golden Dawn worshipped dualistic archetypes as their godhead, respresented by all gods and all goddesses, respectively. The Wiccan Wheel of the Year involves the birth, death, and rebirth of the god. This "passing the crown" thing sounds like something recently made up and, in typical fluffbunny pagan fashion, falsely claimed to be "THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEAR OLD." e___e

Hear hear.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

ERGH. While there's an understandable appeal to this "build your own religion" movement, the idea of fabricating a faith tailored to one's own individual beliefs, those who follow them should have the good sense to remember that THEY FABRICATED IT. This stuff isn't called NEO-Paganism just to sound trendy. What most folks think of as "traditional Celtic religion" is about as old as Christianity — not the "sooo much older and therefore more legitimate" than teen "witches" like to claim. The Golden Dawn was founded in the 1880s. Wicca was made up around WWII. "Thousands of years" my ass.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

..................
It would probably help if I had my pagans straight here. XP Gardner != Golden Dawn. That was my bad.
Still.

[darksongtrilogy.livejournal.com]

This is the LKH Sparklypoo Reformation Church of Wicca, people. Didn't you know?

[misora.livejournal.com]

Truthfully the "Holly King" and the "Oak King" myths in Wicca are real, but theyre' not originally from Gerald Gardner. He sort of stole borrowed the idea from the original Etruscan religion, Stregheria (the "Old Religion" of Italy). The Etruscans were indeed thousands of years old (they were in Italy around 1000 BC). However, I wouldn't expect Laurell to actually do any research further than "omg google wicca". -_-;;

[world-of-eos.livejournal.com]

Heck, I don't even expect her to go as far as Google.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

*boggles* So LKH is tacking an Etruscan tradition on to a Norse holiday and calling it Celtic Neopaganism?!

'Cause THAT makes a f*** of a lot of sense.

[catskin.livejournal.com]

Yes, our Laurell is a woman of many parts.

A few of which could do with being replaced.

[pandaemonaeum.livejournal.com]

I've spent the week explaining to fluffybunnies that no, that's not a Yule tree, the tradition of trees in the house was Roman, for Saturnalia.

I have had about as much fluffybunniness as I can stand this holiday season.

At least LKH correctly attributes Wicca to Gerard Gardner, I am tired of explaining that Wiccans do not have an OMFG thousands and thousands of years old ancient oral tradition. And that no-one stole their effing holiday.

I'll stop ranting now, honestly.

[misora.livejournal.com]

As I just mentioned above, the roots of Gardner's neopaganism lies in thousands-of-years-old Stregheria, as well as other Celtic/Norse/Germanic sources. Italy's pagan culture was alive and kicking long before the Romans took power.

Just fyi.

[pandaemonaeum.livejournal.com]

'Pagan' culture flourished all over the world, not just in Italy, although there was nothing organised or consistent about it.

Wicca having ancient roots doesn't make it an ancient unbroken tradition. Wicca did not exist until Gerard Gardner wrote his book in the 1950s. This simply means it's a young religion, not an invalid one. Gardner picked and chose bits from many other religions, so I get pissy when I get certain people screaming at me about 'stealing their festivals' considering the circumstances.

How old the roots of a religion are do not make it any more or less valid. It's a religion. Having said that, people shouldn't make false claims about their religion. Here, there are people complaining about the misrepresentation of their faith, about the use of a deity figure at the wrong time of year. I'm venting about people who say things like 'It's my Yule tree' when it's in the house, as (from what we know about) Germanic pagan beliefs, having a tree cut down to put it in a house to decorate would be an abomination. The Roman festival of Saturnalia had a tradition of bringing in a branch or tree to decorate. However, what's more likely is that we are simply following the custom Prince Albert made popular in the UK in the 19th Century. I don't see why it would hurt to say 'It's a Christmas Tree!' when it's clearly a Christmas tree, not a Yule tree.

I have a lot of interest in the pre-Roman history of Europe, so I am well aware of 'cult' practices across Europe, and the UK in particular. The Romans imposed better organisation and a homogenisation of beliefs by including prominent local deities in their pantheonic faith until Constantine converted to Christinity and most of the Roman Empire followed suit.

[misora.livejournal.com]

I am tired of explaining that Wiccans do not have an OMFG thousands and thousands of years old ancient oral tradition.

On the contrary, the roots are very important. I would say "ancient oral tradition" is not the same as an "organized religion", yes? Wasn't that the point you were just making about pagan cults? Then you are definitely in the wrong, as many of these so-called "cults" contained detailed, specific mentionings and stories that were passed down through generations. One good example of this is Judaism.

There are several branches of Wicca/paganism, just as there are of any other "organized" religion out there. Wicca as a movement may have been officially on the map in the 1950s, but the key foundations of that religion go back much farther than that. So what if it was a cult? So were Christianity and Islam, once.

I'm not trying to start a war about what Wicca means; I simply wanted to clear up my response to your comment. If you have an interest in pre-Roman Italy at all, I fail to see why the connections between the Old Religion of the Etruscans and Gardner's work would escape you.

[dracoliciousss.livejournal.com]

she's so ridiculous, it defies description. Does she really sit up nights with Jon, fretting about the unfair treatment of the Holly King? Is she seriously considering lodging a complaint about this? I'm willing to wager that Wiccans as a whole would just love for her to STFU and stop butchering their beliefs.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to wager that Wiccans as a whole would just love for her to STFU and stop butchering their beliefs.

*raises hand*

...I would. I'll admit to being a newbie pagan and I still have much to learn...but, erf. This woman is...so full of stupid. I WISH she would do real, in-depth research.

She's an embarrassment to...not just her own religion, but to the human race, period. :p

And to Laurell...*stab stab stab, stabbity stab stab stab* Much stabbing.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

*headdesk*

Never mind.

*de-lurks*

[marumae.livejournal.com]

Why do I see some varation of the Holly King coming into the next Merry book? And yes, of course ALL cultures celebrate some kind of winter holiday, ALL, NOT ONE CULTURE DOSEN'T CELEBRATE SOMETHING. SO SAYTH MY CALENDAR.

Re: *de-lurks*

[lannamichaels]

Isn't there already a Merry character named Holly? Methinks he's already there.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

It's the tradition that most Wiccans follow, but we are puzzled by it. If it makes more sense to us to have the Holly king crowned at Yule, could we do that, change it, or would that be not okay?

................*blink* ............*blink blink*

........................*palmface*

....'Nuff said.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

*cough*...*wheeze,splutter*

Sorry, I'm suffocating because LKH's ego has filled the room and is taking all the air

[thekiwiwhoflew.livejournal.com]

It's the tradition that most Wiccans follow, but we are puzzled by it. If it makes more sense to us to have the Holly king crowned at Yule, could we do that, change it, or would that be not okay?

You know, as a christian, the tradition of coloring eggs and making chocolate bunnies to celebrate one's death puzzles me. It makes more sense to have chocolate Jesus..es, bloody crosses and to wipe raspberry jam on the lawn going "Let's Find Jesus!" Can I do that, change it, or would that be not okay?

[dracoliciousss.livejournal.com]

there's probably a chocolate-Jesus calendar out there somewhere...by the power of calendar research, i think you're okay, lol

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

I think I'm more amused that she tries for a marriage analogy and when it fails miserably she keeps at it. Why?? It wasn't a good analogy to begin with so why must you make "something blue" fit. Why does there even need to be a random analogy?

[neriah.livejournal.com]

Crap. You think we could send the Mormons for her? (apoligies to any LDS'er)

[wyrdmuse.livejournal.com]

Why am I not surprised that she's a fluffy? And why does she admit ignorance so readily and openly? Maybe it's just me, but I always thought ignorance, especially of a personal sort such as religion, was shameful. If I didn't know something central to my mythos, I'd pick up a book or find an elder to ask. But then, the willfully ignorant in a religion populated mostly by recons get smacked down quickly.

Tonight is the longest night of the year; Winter Solstice. Every culture that I am aware of has some sort of holiday around this time of year.

This may be true, but not every culture celebrates winter this time of year. Plz to not be forgetting half of the world.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Yes! As one of those people in summer mode (though, there's reports that there's meant to be snow in some parts of Australia for Christmas, and the weather has *mercifully* cooled down in the last few days) - this just shits me off.

Hello, Laruell? This is the southern hemisphere calling - we'd just like to tell you that contrary to popular belief, the world isn't flat and we're actually living on the bottom half of this crazy planet. And if you ask us how we hang on down here, we're going to punch you in the face, then go down to the pub and laugh about it over a couple of beers. Okay? Toodles!

[lannamichaels]

I hate to say this, but I want to spork her with the Spork of Judaism. Encourage the sun to return? Is she on crack? Your religion =/= everyone else's, just because you want it to.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

[Yeah this is a bit after the fact, sorry.]

Chanukkah is a festival celebrating a light that miraculously kept burning at the darkest part of the year, just as the days start growing longer again. Christmas is a festival celebrating a saviour-god [about whom there are endless metaphors concerning light] coming to Earth in physical form, just as the days start growing longer again. Heck, Dies Natalis Sol Invictus is a festival celebrating the sun-god being reborn at the darkest part of the year — just as the days start growing longer again. The parallels honestly aren't that hard to see.

Same thing, different name.

[lannamichaels]

Same thing, different name.

Um. No.

[defiler-wyrm.livejournal.com]

Um. Yes. At core they all have to do with that whole light-in-the-darkness-giving-people-hope schtick, regardless of how different the physical trappings may be. But hey, if you wanna ignore the obvious, please yourself. Whatever floats your boat.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

*sigh* clearly this is yet another example of LKH's research going as far as looking at a calendar. If she knew anything about the Holly King/Oak King mythology, she'd know that holly itself represents the wanin gportion of the year...but no, holly is a holiday plant! therefore, of course he must be crowned at Yule! Silly Wiccans, this makes so much more sense, can't you see that LKH knows far, far more about the religions/mythologies followed for centuries than all of you?