Blogflog: Dear Negative Reader

[pith]

This one should be subtitled "And Laurell takes the lead away from Anne in the Wank Race!" Prepare to spit fire.

Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader.html



Dear Negative Reader

Very mature, there. Anyone who disagrees with you or isn't on your side is "negative".

I'm sure there are other books out there that will make you happier than mine. There are books with less sex in them, God knows. There are books that don't make you think that hard. Books that don't push you past that comfortable envelope of the mundane.

"Books that don't make you think that hard"? WTF? I've heard people say they "skipped all the sex scenes" and still understood LKH novels, so clearly, higher brain function is not required. (No offence meant, naturally, to you brave souls who have skipped the sex and read the rest.) "Comfortable envelope of the mundane"? LKH has said that no one will die because it will hurt her/Anita. What the hell is that if not "comfort"? Also, her books have become so repetitive that I would call them mundane, except I'm sure the dictionary (yeah, the one she apparently evicted years ago) would knock on my door, kick my ass, and replace "mundane" with "tripe".

They are books that push my character and me to the edge and beyond of our comfort zones.

So damn not true it's not funny. As I said above, there's the no-death thing. Anita and Merry get to fuck whoever they please because of the ardeur or trying to get pregnant or because it's Tuesday. These characters are not pushed anywhere, let alone to the edge of their comfort zones. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog Day, where NOTHING CHANGES.

Let this post also put to rest the idea that I don't know that a small minority, albeit a loud minority, hates my series. I've known that for awhile.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, indeed.

I finally realized that I'm not going to understand this noisy, unpleasant minority of my fans. Because you are fans. Only fans would spend this much time and energy on anything. It's a strange kind of fan, a negative fan, but you spend so much time and energy hating and complaining that some part of you must love the hate and complaining.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I consider myself more of a walking warning. I actively discourage people from entering into LKHville at all costs.

And if you don't think you are the minority, well, sorry, guys but you are. I have the sales figures to prove it.

a) What's wrong with being a minority?
b) Sales figures are worth less than the paper they're printed on.
c) What's good doesn't always sell; what sells isn't always good.

Some people even ask for more police procedural. I want more, too

Newsflash: So do we. Oh, but wait. You can't get past the part of our criticism that says you're going downhill to realize that we actually think there's something worth following in either series. LKH has the same tunnelvision she accuses us of having.

The ardeur is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too.

And, as lovely Jean-Claude would say, so many other places.

I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof.

"Evolving". You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have failed as a writer that you could kill them, and feel nothing.

I… you know, I don't think I'll say anything about this line. I will simply let it sit there in its glory, because she actually admitted a failure.

My characters are real to me in a way that makes me miss them.

Yeah, and that's fine, to a degree. BUT PEOPLE DIE. Considering the number of times she's wangsted about her grandmother and her mother and on and on, she knows. But you move on. Both of my grandfathers are dead and one of my grandmothers. Do I miss them? Horribly. But I've moved on. I realize that people are born, they live, they die. It's how it works. It's what makes vampires tragic.

Or maybe this will not move you, maybe you do not feel for the loneliness of the vampires that have not known love for centuries.

We do. Because we read lots of authors who actually deal with it. But the fact still remains that a) people die and b) characters aren't real. There are people at Lashouts who can attest to the fact that I get a bit weird about my characters. Those same people can also attest that I don't shy away from character death. People die. If you want your fictional world to feel truly real, characters have to die too.

Maybe you do not feel any of that. If you don't feel it, then I have failed you as a writer. I am sorry for that. If you do not feel the touch of my characters, the emotional pain, the emotional triumphs, then I have failed you. You should stop reading me. My writing does not weave magic for you.

This is turning into the worst Dear John letter ever. "It's not you. It's me. Oh, no, wait. It really is you. You don’t understand my vision!"

Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.

Oh, wait. It is us. Silly me, thinking Laurell might actually be accepting some blame!

They are big, messy books, a lot like life.

Except in real life, people die. They fall in and out of love. They move, they change jobs, they have kids.

Oh, and they shower.

I'll give you guys a few minutes to stop reading this, or to go into another room. I'll give you a few minutes, before I talk to the positive readers that are staying.

*L* Mass exodus, anyone?

here are hints about THE HARLEQUIN. First, Edward is in the book in a major way. Second, so is Olaf. Yeah, serial killer guy is back. Anita ends up feeding full blown arduer on three characters she's never been with before.

Oh joy. Run, Edward, run!

One of the wereanimal groups will betray Jean-Claude, and Anita.

Oh dear sweet gods. Please let Richard reclaim his spine, gather the wolves, and create some motherfuckin' havoc that Loki (and Samuel L. Jackson) would be proud of.

I hope it whetted your appetite

I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?

Comments

[poor-toms-acold.livejournal.com]

At least he's value for money - we can feed a family of four on his singleperfectemotear!wang alone.

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

This is totally my logic, man. I figure we pass that salami around and take a symbolic bite -- each of our 371 members. (Well, the less squeamish of us. Which means I will sit it out.)