Curious about this for awhile...

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

It's been said in many places by different people that LKH's portrayal of the BDSM lifestyle is off. I know a bit more than just the basics - ah, the joys of reading - and can sort of inherently pick up that something isn't right with her depiction, but I can't really articulate it. I was just curious to hear from those who participate in the lifestyle, what they personally find offensive, frustrating, or just headdesk-worthy about LKH's portrayal. Perhaps they can help make it clearer to me why it feels amiss.

Comments

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

to start off, I'm no expert what-so-ever in the ways of BDSM. However, I had a friend who was into that, and this is what she told me.

"It's about trust and respect. The submissive actually has a lot of power over the dominant. That's because the dominate has to stop if the submissive can't take what's being dished out. To go on puts them both at risk and ruins the relationship. The submissive trusts that his/her dom will stop or not go beyond what they can both handle. The dom respects his/her submissive enough to know what boudaries to cross and what not to cross. A lot of time, there is a lot of talking between the dom and sub before they ever get down to sex, so that they are on the same level."

As far as I know, that's what BDSM is all about. The toys, bondage and whatnot is all agreed on. That is not what LKH shows. There is no respect between the partners. It's only what Anita/Merry wants, and who cares what the needs of the men are. I think her portrayal is way off.

[atypia.livejournal.com]

That's so it. That the dominant is actually the care-taker, they have to respect the submissive (whether it be by not going beyond their boundaries, or gently pushing their boundaries so that they can grow). Anita doesn't take care of her men. She doesn't respect their needs, wants and boundaries. She inflicts upon them her own needs, wants and boundaries and That Is The Law.