Blogflog: they really ARE out to get you...

[dwg.livejournal.com]

URL: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2007/06/were-number-two.html

LKH in bold, me not.

THE HARLEQUIN is number two on the New York Times List. Yay! And drat.

This time what kept us out of the number one slot was Khaled Hosseini A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS. Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the writers that have kept me just out of the hardback number one spot.

mneiai and I had some amusement about what if it really was a giant conspiracy from other authors to release books around when LKH does, just to keep her out of the much coveted #1 slot.  There'd be decoder rings, and Stephen King feverishly hitting refresh on her blog site just so that he can let others know when to set their launch dates. 

Jon and I just went into a bookstore to pick up a few things, and there I was, my book, in the number two slot on the wall. There was a lovely display in the window and not only THE HARLEQUIN but also STRANGE CANDY in softback. Very cool. I actually allowed myself a few minutes of standing in front of the window display and revelling in it.

If I ever make it big, I'll probably be one of the first people to stand by a display of my book(s?) and get a photo of me with it...while I'm holding Clarence, my rubber chicken.  Because I'm that much of a dork.  But this woman has had how many displays for how many books? I mean, does she stand there and tilt her head to one side while her eyes glaze over in a misty, far away look of love (or conjunctivitis) whenever she sees a display of her books? I'm now having visions of LKH in book store, standing like that while she internally monologues about her hard, loveless, lonely life in all its teen-angsty glory.  And then all the clerks close up and turn off the lights while she's still standing there.

For anyone who cares, the rest of the blog is A) a big OMG THANKYOU to all the people who wrote in and said, "U R #1 TO MEEE!!!1!" re: The Harlequin's ranking, and B) Why Laurell Doesn't Like Bookstores, But Totally Still Does.  Again, I run with my theory that her popularity is on enough of a decline for her to want to cling to as much affirmation of her greatness as she can -- so while she missed out on that precious #1 slot on the NYT, she can still stroke her...ego...at having the bigass displays that plaster her name all over the place.

Maybe having the Team LKH Pep Squad follow her around is starting to get too expensive and the pom-pom bois have to go home now.

Comments

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

Well she better be prepared to drop further down because Janet Evanovich had a new book come out today.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

AHH HA HA! This is why -- if there's not one already -- there needs to be some kind of network of authors to keep her low on the charts.

[pith]

mneiai and I had some amusement about what if it really was a giant conspiracy from other authors to release books around when LKH does, just to keep her out of the much coveted #1 slot. There'd be decoder rings, and Stephen King feverishly hitting refresh on her blog site just so that he can let others know when to set their launch dates.

I totally had a Team America flashback there, with FAG.

Except Laurell would be like the Matt Damon: "Boys. Pretty boys. Boys pretty. Hee. BOYS."

Modly: Thank you for tagging. Just skimming back at the month I missed, I see I'm gonna have to tag a fair bit (and then there are the archives.... eeek), so... yeah. It's appreciated =)

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Now I'm going to be imagining Team LKH as marionettes. *dies*

Aww, no problem on the tagging. Welcome back! Hope you enjoyed England. :D

[idkmybffironman.livejournal.com]

...and Stephen King feverishly hitting refresh on her blog site just so that he can let others know when to set their launch dates.

This made me laugh. A lot. More than it should have, really. :)

[dwg.livejournal.com]

It makes me giggle...because I wouldn't put it past King to actually do that.

Also your icon is hypnotic. EEE dancing Rodney!

[jeannette.livejournal.com]

"I have the number two book in America? If only it were not number one. Why does the world hate me?"

[gweneth-syeira.livejournal.com]

And then all the clerks close up and turn off the lights while she's still standing there.

lmao. I can so totally see that

[mneiai.livejournal.com]

What I think gets me most is that she ever thought TH could beat out a book by the guy who wrote The Kite Runner, which had meaning, plot, awesome characterization, and taught a moral lesson. All of which are lacking from LKH's books.

[cassildra.livejournal.com]

Amen. The Kite Runner made me cry.

[nimnix.livejournal.com]

You write mental trash, LKH. Just accept it and move on. No light reading book with the language level of fanfic even AFTER editing is going to beat out people who know grammar, plot, characterization, who are basically worth the insane price of a hardback.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

Something tells me I speak not only for myself when I say: Bitch, STFU!

I mean, really. How many of us here are writers? And how many of us would die of joy just to be on a bestseller list period?

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

bing! Except I don't so much care about the bestseller thing as I do about whether or not what I write is good enough to impress the academic muckity-mucks.

...why yes, I am an English major. ;-)

[easol.livejournal.com]

Most authors would be prancing around with sheer joy at being on the list at all, unless they had churned out hundreds of genre toppers like King or classics like Khaled Hosseini and could expect it for their efforts.

I love the idea of King feverishly plotting release dates to keep LKH from getting a No. 1 slot. The scary thing is, eventually she might actually think that. ;)

And with most authors, even big ones, I wouldn't rag on them for enjoying a display of their books -- most of them seem to think of books as being like their babies, and take real joy and excitement at seeing them. But she has such a gargantuan ego that I just can't imagine her hopping around in excited glee.

Oh, and more evidence that she can't even FAKE humility -- most people would COMMIT BLOODY GRUESOME MURDER for a number two slot, but she complains because it wasn't No. 1.

And maybe I'm being too bitchy, but does it rub anyone else the wrong way that she treats 9/11 as an annoyance for their air travel?

[nimnix.livejournal.com]

Well, 9/11 was part of the grand conspiracy against LKH. I thought that was obvious. :P

[kethryvis.livejournal.com]

Okay I just noticed something...

This time what kept us out of the number one slot was...

Us?

What is this 'us' she refers to? She and the twoo fans? (surely not) She and Jon? She and Anita? She and the mouse in her pocket? The royal Us? She and the voices in her head? She and her enormous (endowed) cast of characters?

Is she more insane than we thought?

[slayra.livejournal.com]

She and Anita, of course. Unless Jon secretly co-authors the books now. I would say that probably explains a lot. Or not...

[skeezix74.livejournal.com]

Jeepers creepers, that woman annoys the shit out of me!

"Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the writers that have kept me just out of the hardback number one spot."

Get over yourself, biatch! What keeps you from being number #1 is your books are to literature what Paris Hilton is to the human race. Vapid, annoying and not worth the material they are printed on.

*twitches*

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

Why does she CAPSLOCK every title? Has she not heard of italics? Is this another way of being an unique snowflake?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I kinda think the whole html tagging thing is far beyond her technical know-how evil.

[karmyn75.livejournal.com]

Janet Evanovich has published a Stephanie Plum book around the same time every year for quite a few years now. It's the one thing in the book world that I have come to rely on. It's June, better check the price on the next Plum book.
I already pre-ordered from Doubleday Book Club. I haven't missed a Stephanie Plum book yet. At least Stephanie doesn't sleep with Joe and Ranger at the same time. Or in explicit detail. Even Janet's redone romances aren't that explicit.

[summersdream.livejournal.com]

At least Stephanie doesn't sleep with Joe and Ranger at the same time.

But if she did, it would be far more awesome than anything in any of the AB books lately. And their triumvirate would totally pwn those St Louis wannabes ;)

[rinkori.livejournal.com]

I was at a bookstore yesterday. I picked up a copy of The Harlequin, paged through it for a few minutes, read aloud choice excerpts to my companion, and laughed until I almost cried.

I was a fan, once. A looooong time ago.

[chucklingcorpse.livejournal.com]

No. 2 dammit! Why is she complaining? She should be happy her trash book got 2nd slot. She's never satisfied is she?

/random

[booster-blue.livejournal.com]

Your icon makes me happy.

[randomsome1.livejournal.com]

So how long until she's off the bestseller list? A week?

Strange Candy's QP went on the 3 for 2 table at Borders today, too . . .

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Geez, what an ingrate. I'd kill to have my books in the top ten or even top twenty of the best sellers list. I'll throw a party if I ever make it on the best seller's list in any position. Number two isn't bad! It's great! What a whiner.

[kyalesyin.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't care if my Stef made it into the top 100- being on a list is good enough!

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

LOLZ at her keeping a running list of who beats her to #1...I'm not a romance fan at all, but Nora Roberts has authored some 8 bajillion books and is a legend in her field. Stephen King, also a legend and an absolute genius, could put out a book of recipes and i'd run out and buy it.

It almost comes off as she can't understand how she didn't make it to #1. Which is so completely and utterly self-deluded.

[panicqueen.livejournal.com]

If I ever, in my entire life, write a novel that reach number 2--or hell, several novels that reach number 2, such as Miss Utterly Self-Deluded--and then bitch about not being number one, please, please smack me very hard in quick succession for at least half an hour. Please.

[panicqueen.livejournal.com]

I'm starting to get more and more annoyed with the way she writes her life as a novel.

Nobody talks like that. I'm telling you.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I'm simultaneously loving that she keeps a mental list of Those Who Have Wronged Her in the bestseller list and despising her for being so ungrateful. #2 on any list ... that's good, right? I'd spontaneously combust if I had a book anywhere near any bestseller list.

[found-then-lost.livejournal.com]

Seriously? She expected number 1 when Khaled Hosseini published his new book? Has she read the kiterunner? Ok, might not be to everyone's taste but I loved it so much! And it's decent literature, not one step away from amatuer porn movies.

And she should be thankful she made #2. I was just on Kelley Armstrong's website. She was pretty much dancing with joy for getting on the New York bestsellers list. Now she was grateful to fans. LKH? Me no thinks so.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the writers that have kept me just out of the hardback number one spot.

My interpretation: "Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the ever-growing list of writers that are much much better than LKH"

What LKH really means:
"Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the writers that can go to hell for undeservedly robbing my of my glory!"

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

Khaled Hosseini can join the ranks of Stephen King, Nora Roberts, and Janet Evanovich, in the writers that have kept me just out of the hardback number one spot.

Man, the bitterness is palpable. And I'm not just smug because I love Stephen.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

Today, I did my part in keeping LKH down. I bought the new Janet Evanovich. Damn me for keeping her majesty down. But, love me some Stephanie Plum. :)

[kitsu.livejournal.com]

Wow...If I ever got published much less on a bestseller list I'd be jumping for joy. Her bitching just makes me want to run out and grab the new King book.

[queenbetsy.livejournal.com]

When MJD was doing her signing in Chicago, the first thing she did was thank the audience for buying her book, because UNDEAD AND UNEASY was #19 on the NYT list. She kind of laughed at herself by saying that as a former trailer park resident, the NYT really didn't want the likes of her on the list, but tough nuts, and she was sure the error would quickly be rectified. But in the meantime, she was thrilled.

Wonder if LKH thanked any of her readers for her being #2?