Facebook flog - Jan 12 2014

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Jan 12 2014, 4:44
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

During breakfast I watched the last bit of "You've Got Mail" with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. I've never seen the movie, but my husband, Jon had. He wanted me to see the end of it, so I did. It was charming and romantic, and made me think I might want to watch the movie from the beginning, but it also made me think of questions.

Has your real life romance ever been influenced by a romantic comedy film? If so, which one/s? Do you think that any romantic film reflects anything close to real life? If so, which one/s?

Comments

[dagonista.livejournal.com]

Has your real life romance ever been influenced by a romantic comedy film?

As in...have I ever decided to stalk someone in order to win their love?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I'm so confused. LKH has previously refused to accept that she writes in the romance genre (albeit the PNR/erotica end of the spectrum) to the point where she wanted to tell book stores not to shelve her books in the romance section.

Kinda dreading whatever follow-up to this may be. Like, did Jon (her husband) mention something like how they met is suuuuch a romantic thing and she's suddenly all IDEA!!! except now she has to voyage into the dreaded realm of romance/chick-flicks and then set out to prove she can do better? Because what she'll write is TOTALLY REAL due to being based on her very own personal experience and maybe some people she's spoken to once or twice. Or maybe we'll get some kind of poly-romance so she can continue on this kick where she denigrates monogamy as being totally awful and goddamn those vanilla people need to learn how to embrace their kink.

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

The thing is, if she had more awareness of people and humor, that could be entertaining.

On the other hand, it might be a glorious trainwreck.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Glorious, excruciating trainwreck if Shutdown is anything to go by.

I'm seriously dreading some kind of thinly-veilled fictionalised meet-cute between LKH and Jon (her husband) because we clearly don't have enough of that with ABVH. EXCEPT NO IT'LL BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT. THIS TIME IT'LL BE A COFFEE SHOP AU.

I'm so so sorry, coffee shop AUs. I actually quite enjoy them. I don't want to inflict LKH upon them.

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

That, or it'll be all about the bestest paranormal writer ever, and her biggest fan (whom all the girls love but he only has eye for HER), and the husband who tries to stifle her writing because he's "too vanilla". Possibly with the ex-husband trying to grovel his way back in.

And I bet that character won't have a kid either.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Her biggest fan is so hot that even men find themselves questioning their sexuality, but he's totally secure with his so it's no big deal. And then there's the embittered female personal assistant that just tries to stifle everything and makes the mistake of impersonating the writer on the internet...which she never uses but that's not the important part okay.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Oh god I hope not like Shutdown. Shutdown is something I actually regret reading. It was so thoroughly nasty and toxic, it took weeks for its grossness to leave my system. I expected a trainwreck like "Dancing" or Danse Macabre, but I got a trainwreck like... idk, one of Rush Limbaugh's rants.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

WHAT? HOW DARE YOU SUGGEST THAT ZE GREATEST AREETEESE OF ALL TIME WOULD EVER STOOP TO BEING A MEASLY BARISTA!

But if she WAS, mind, she'd be the sexiest, shortest, brunette-est barista ever to stride the halls of Starbucks. And her coffee-brewing technique would be so amazing that it would make men uncontrollably horny around her. And she'd randomly get to shoot customers who complained that they wanted a frappe, not a latte. And she'd refuse to serve any men who didn't have hair down to their nipples, at least. And she'd heal sociopaths' souls with her mind-enslaving cappuccinos. And...

Actually, now I really want this. It would be an awesome parody.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

She owns the art of flirting by putting sex -- real sex -- into her voice and making eye contact, because regular human interactions are a complete waste of time. If there's ever an armed hold up, she knows what to do to take the shooter down and save lives. Including that of her love interest(s)! The police will give her an honorary badge and tell her she should have been one of them because she's such a cop.

Goddamn it. Now I want it too.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

She refuses to give women who weigh an ounce more than her full-fat milk or whipped cream, and always puts both in the coffee of any woman who weighs an ounce less than her. Ditto with brownies and other desserts. She does not serve tall women, blonde women, or women with high cheekbones at all, ever.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

She overhears a pair of women talking shit about men in the name of feminism and feels the need to defend men because all the things they're saying is SO UNFAIR to them and she knows men are not like that. She knows because she thinks like a guy, knows all the guy rules, and shares that look -- you know, the special unspoken looks -- that only men can have.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Every time she sees a woman flirting with a man, she knows the woman is doing it because she's jealous of her.

She sees a small woman slap a large man who has been creeping on her, and shoots the woman dead immediately.

Her boss has a wife who is evil because she won't let her husband sleep with Anita.

A thin, blonde teenage girl walks in, and Anita makes her coffee, against her normal rules. She purposefully makes it hot enough to cause the girl severe damage. We are supposed to see this as good and noble.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

EDIT: "For me to depart from HER life", not "for me to depart from MY life". Though I can see Anita driving someone to the latter thought...

Every time a woman gets a coffee from a male barista, she immediately shoves her way in and sneers how the woman isn't properly ordering her latte or correctly paying for her frappe.

No, no, the regional manager is a sexy ~exotic~ (but definitely white!) man. All the baristas have part-time jobs as strippers, and occasionally get confused as to which workplace they're attending. Because Anita's coffee is just that distracting. The boss with the evil wife is next door at Peet's.

She catches a skinny blonde teenage girl attempting to walk out without paying for her coffee, and tortures her with the brewing machine. Meanwhile, a soulful, wounded man proceeds to scald security personnel and menace sexily-dressed female patrons with obscene misuse of insulated cups, and Anita's rubbing her whipped-cream-covered-breasts all over him when his two cats rebel and bite him on certain painful parts, incapacitating him until the cops come.

Anita proceeds to spook the local population of fashionable Asian teenagers by insisting that each color they dye their hair marks them as part of a different 'clan', and rambling that she has to collect them all like Skittles. Reba is rather bemused when Anita challenges her to a coffee-brewing duel out of nowhere because... reasons.

Not!Nathaniel is the store janitor. After hours, he just walks around with his hair down, and washes it out afterwards. The floors are always spotless.

Not!Micah is nominally the manager of the store. In reality, he bitches that anyone who complains about him is mean to him because he's short, pretty, and/or has a big dick. He and Anita are truly soulmates.

The regional manager's boyfriend has nominally moved out of the area. Anita thinks it's because the regional manager loves her sooo much that he sent away that jealous hater. In reality, said poor boyfriend just can't stand this crazy woman standing outside his house and screaming about how his kissing her too roughly made her unable to perform oral sex for a week at 3 in the morning. 'Mon bien-aimé,' he sobs, 'my life has become a living Text From Last Night. I cannot go on like this. Please, give her some excuse for me to depart from her life, and let her no longer darken my doorstep forevermore!'

[dwg.livejournal.com]

omg. *throws confetti* This wins everything forever. Also now I'm going to go into these books with the mind that they're nothing but a string of Texts From Last Night. It's the only thing that makes sense.

You know her ex will keep showing up at the store despite being asked to leave and never come back because he doesn't respect her and her coffee choices. There's a photo up on the wall and a DO NOT SERVE, REMOVE FROM STORE on a post-it. All the other baristas think he's an okay kinda dude and generally find her reaction to him terrible no matter if he's there alone, with his friends, people he works with, or *GASP* A GIRLFRIEND. He keeps thinking that they can be civil and time and again SEXY BARISTANITA keeps proving him wrong. He makes the mistake of mentioning that he's seeing a therapist to figure out how to keep things positive between them and she mistakes this as he's in therapy to deal with his irrational issues of how he's forever in love with her and can never, ever find anyone that will make him happy like she does. She takes this as a sign to hit on him at every opportunity and tries to drag him into the back room for a nooner, never mind that the lunch rush is on and there's like eighty people waiting for drinks.

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

...watching this thread mutate has been the best thing ever, and you? You win the internet. Packaged, signed, and sealed.

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

Pretty much this.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

SECOND OMG I LOVED THIS

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Yes, she's just like a guy, only she's not because she's desired by all men. Even gay men. Her coffee brings all the boys to the yard.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

She also has a remarkable ability to never serve anyone who isn't either utterly white or just-ethnic-enough-to-have-a-permanent-tan.

She insists this isn't because she's racist, she just never seems to see anyone but white people coming into the store. Though she was caught trying to vacuum the credit cards out of the wallets of a black man and Chinese man who came into the store together, on the grounds that "she needed their monetary life forces in order to pay her men's rent".

She was oddly silent on the issue of why she couldn't have just served them their damn coffees like she does every white man.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Anyone that orders anything other than straight black coffee gets sneered at because it's such a girly thing to do and ugh ugh girls are so awful with their decaf skinny mochacchinos and iced frappes. ICED FRAPPES IN WINTER NO LESS what is wrong with you. Heaven help any mothers that bring their kids to the cafe and ask for babycchinos. We will not speak of pumpkin spiced latte. IT'S BLACK COFFEE OR YOUR'RE WEAK, PATHETIC, AND LESS THAN HUMAN.

Also girls in yoga pants. Don't you understand, this barista has a skirt so short that it's barely a lamp shade but she's got the confidence to show off her booty and a low-cut t-shirt that hugs her mounds of creamy goodness. She looks yummy. Especially when the outfit is finished with half-length six inch platform boots with flames on them. Yummy.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

She wouldn't know humor if it walked by her and dropped a humorous piano on her head.

[mystickiwi.livejournal.com]

Funny she should ask, because my love life has followed the plot of 'Kate and Leopold' EXACTLY. /sarcasm

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

I know I saw "You've Got Mail", but I don't remember a single thing about it.

Anyone else think she's desperately fishing for inspiration for Merry here?

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

#raises hand#

[ravens-shadow.livejournal.com]

I haven't seen it in ages, but in general, I didn't like it.

Meg Ryan owns a small bookstore opened by her mom, I think, but which is going out of business because of the giant corporate bookstore owned by Tom Hanks' character. Just that premise turned me off of the whole movie, and if LKH is fishing for plot material, I am especially not looking forward to the end result.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

While Meg "Indie Bookshop Owner" Ryan and Tom "Evil Proto Amazon Guy" Hanks hate each other IRL, they are bestest soul mates on the interwebs, which have only just been invented.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

I am waiting with baited breath on the follower to that post. It's asking for it - soon enough she will post a "So, you've told me so much about your experiences and now let us hear my (meaning: only right and proper) thoughts on them..."
Just wait.

[christwriter.livejournal.com]

She's done it. It's up on her personal blog (Is that off limits now?)

It's a rather dull recounting of how she met Jon, her husband Jon, with a fast and hard NOW DON'T YOU THINK YOU CAN MEET YOUR SOULMATES JUST BECAUSE I MET MINE AND HIS NAME IS JON.

And a paragraph about how super uber poly she is. That part's...erm...special.