Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

I was surfing the PDS messageboard, and I came across this little gem.

URL: http://kill.greboguru.org/index_files/book_data/anitablake.htm

It's more or less a book flog for The Whorelequin and freaking HILARIOUS. My favorite part had to be this paragraph:


Jean-Claude was wearing a deeply scoopped neck green lycra top with purple nipple tassles and a vermillion frock coat. A thick mustard yellow belt went over his bright tan leggings. A codpiece shaped like an elephant's head was the final touch. On any other man it would have seemed ridiculous but Jean-Claude made it seem not just right but utterly, utterly masculine. Asher was dressed in...

Now, I dunno about you all, but if this I almost can't believe. Jean-Claude, wearing something THAT hideous and looking like he's trying to upstage Siegfried and Roy. All he needs are a couple of white werelions white tigers and he'd be set. I don't think even Prince would wear something like THAT.

And also...the lollery that is THIS line.

"So Anita Blake, you have become a super saiyan. That will not help you for the great Frieza has powers you have not dreamt of...

*dies laughing* That was freaking PRICELESS.

Also...mayonaisse, WTF?!

Comments

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

Way to make me spit pancake at my laptop *l*

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

*bows*

My mission is complete. ;)

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

What's sad is that at first, I couldn't tell if this was a parody or actual excerpts from the book. That really says a lot right there, I think. *snerks*

If that super saiyan thing wasn't a joke...I can only hope that LKH gets blackballed for stealing and never printed again anywhere--not even on toilet paper.

Ya know, all things considered, I almost wouldn't put it past her.

I don't THINK that even LKH would be stupid enough to outright plagiarize from DBZ...but then, it is suspected that she's cribbed from better authors, so I don't know. Anything's possible with her, nowadays. I think outright plagiarism could be the final level that she actually sinks to, and oh...it would be BEAUTIFUL to watch her get nailed for that.

*sighs and daydreams*

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

lolz @ the mayonnaise. At least she didn't reach for the pepper grinder. I have a feeling no one would have wanted anything freshly ground on their entree after that.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

oh my -- There hasn't REALLY been a pepper grinder, uh, featured in the books, has there? (Frankly, after the horrors of soap lube I'm prepared to believe anything.)

[darksongtrilogy.livejournal.com]

She screamed as I fired the the bullets into her knees and stomach but I felt no pity. She'd known the penalty for criticising Richard's taste in midwestern architecture...

*dies* The author of this jewel has nailed LKH's voice exactly. Right down to the comma misuse.

purple nipple tassles

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Why can I just see JC wearing these?

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Oh, Lord. That was wonderful.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

*giggles* Ah, super saiyan! So right, AB is more and more like Dragon-baall! *grins*

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Oh, no. As much as I'm not a big Dragonball fan (it's mindless fun, yes), I'd rather watch/read it for 24 hours then spend one hour on Anita Blake.

Though, the Freeza comment had me laughing. That was cute.

[insaint.livejournal.com]

There is no way ANYONE could make that outfit look manly.

[insaint.livejournal.com]

*nods sadly* I'm not worthy.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

Awwwww... *gives you soothing ointment* I'm sorries Flo. Hope you recover soon.

Heehee! I heart the person that parodied it. They need to come here and entertain us further! :D

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Vanilla extract works wonders. It's my family's secret. And it smells good.

Seriously, it works on burns of all kinds. My mom dropped her curling iron down her shirt once, and used a whole bottle of vanilla extract. She went from like second degree burns to just a small red scar in one day. Try it, it works.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I honestly forgot about LKH and her vanilla fetish when I suggested it. My mom has been smearing vanilla on us since we were small. Something about it being an old Italian cure-all. But, I'm glad to hear you're browning nicely instead of red. I burn, then peel, and then I'm back to white.

[stefflebug.livejournal.com]

There's only one thing that was missing from that to make it truly, truly incredible, and that is spilling.

It does however own the AB books quite spectacularly.

Thanks so much for posting this.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

Awwwww, you're most welcome! I was glad to share. :D

[kethryvis.livejournal.com]

THAT made me giggle like a school girl.

But one thing it also made me realize is how much time LKH spends describing clothing. We've all commented on that before, but suddenly I remembered back when I was 11 and I was reading The Babysitter's Club series by Ann M. Martin. They're pre-teen books, so of course they're not literary masterpieces, but every time the main character saw the other girls (or any other friend) for the first time that day, we always got long long paragraph descriptions of exactly what they were wearing, down to sock colour, full earring and jewlery descriptions, and I swear I wouldn't have been surprised to see a description of underwear too. So if she was meeting up with all four of her other friends at once, you basically got a minimum of 2-3 pages of outfit descriptions.

LKH seems to do similar, which to me speaks volumes 1) of her mental mindset, and 2) that of her readers who still eat it up...

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

DUDE, YES.

Especially Claudia. And, to a lesser degree, Stacy.

[syrenssong.livejournal.com]

Holy crap!! I remember that. ::laugh::

[quicksilvereyes.livejournal.com]

LMFAO!!! That was genius, lol.

Also...mayonaisse, WTF?!

I've well believed Anita's cooch was a petri dish of sorts, growing a variety of cultures. Mayo would just help things along. Ewww. :"

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

Nipple tassels... codpiece? Nipple tassels... codpiece? Er?!?
Mmm... I just can't decide which is more dork-a-delic. Jeez, I'll have to rush right out and get me some of that.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

Adding "dork-a-delic" to my vocabulary right now.

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

LOL!

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

That was excellent. LKH's voice was nailed to a T. The paragraph about having already fed from Micah was so spot on that it could have been a direct lift from a real book. This to me shows how badly LKH's writing has been failing because in less than 5 pages somebody has managed to write something so close to a real LKH novel that unless one thinks for a second it's hard to realize it's not real. The nipple tassels are maybe a tad over the top but it's over the top in a way that is almost plausiable. The codpiece has the same thing because of LKH's heavily touted preference for up-dating old fashions.

[allova.livejournal.com]

Ahahahahaha. It's too perfect. It's too perfect! Thanks for that.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

You're welcome! I stumbled across this and just HAD to share. I knew you all would get a kick out of it. :D

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD. That is the most dead-on AB parody I have ever read. They somehow managed to take everything wrong with the series and condense it into a few paragraphs, right down to the voice. Except the parody has better spelling and grammar.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

They even used the phrase "so much meat"

[the-ellcrys.livejournal.com]

Does anyone else get the occassional urge to write LKH and let her know that lycra stopped being "hot" around 1991?

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

THAT was brillaint. *Sniffles*

-Dira-